Waiting for it Wednesday No. 3
It's week three in my Waiting for it Wednesday series. This feature focuses on the topic of virginity from the viewpoint of both virgins and non-virgins. While virginity is just one small aspect of a person's life, just as my Dirty Filthy Princess persona is only part of who I am, it is an important topic.
This week we'll hear from kyma, who has a blog called sensuality of the singleton. Kyma is a 23-year-old male living in the United Kingdom.
Here's what kyma had to say about virginity.
DFP: Tell us why you are still a virgin.
Kyma: Well, in the beginning during my teenage years, I was rather shy and didn't know how to make the first move with girls, and I still don't know how now. The same goes for university where I was a bit of a hermit and not really that outgoing and I only realised what I had done to myself in my final year there.
After university, I made a resolution to myself that I would wouldn't throw away my virginity carelessly as I still had it. I've had one relationship a short while after university which was quite intimate but we didn't get as far as having sex because it didn't feel right and I kinda wanted to take my time and not rush. However, I did come very close to rushing and I'm glad I stopped myself because I wasn't feeling completely settled at the time and I'm sure I wouldn't have done myself or my lover at the time any favours. Patience is a virtue I still need to improve on.
DFP: How much longer or for what would you like to wait?
Kyma: I would wait for the girl that likes me, who makes me feel happy and feels happy about me to the point that I can't stop shaking and my back is tingling like mad. A girl that is sweet and understands me and is patient, gentle and loving. Oh, they ought to be horny too :P I'm not so concerned with how attractive they are, just how well I get on with them. I don't like the look of the skinny waifs I see walking around with a cold expression on their face, would rather see people with warm hearts and personalities.
I know it's within me to wait until I can get the experience I truly yearn for, a truly deep intimate experience where I can leave myself completely vulnerable, and not hide anything or wear any armour and I would hope the same of her. I may end up waiting a while but it's not going to reign over me.
DFP: How have you kept yourself from going "too far" sexually? Has it been easy? Hard?
Kyma: I just go by feelings and instinct, and it wasn't that hard, but it's harder to keep myself from rushing especially when I found out how much the last girl really wanted me, and I was scared and nervous and was so eager to please her. I rushed too much and I had to stop myself at the end, I didn't take the time to enjoy the simpler things like cuddling and touching because I had gotten ahead of myself so much and just wanted to make her cum lots. Not exactly my best hour as I'm not proud of it, and she wasn't happy with me as she didn't want me to rush either despite how much she wanted me. She was one who waited for the right time and understood how I felt about virginity.
Kyma: I wouldn't say I have any clear defined boundaries aside from my resolution about giving away my virginity, I just take things as they come and I just go by how I feel and instinct for the situation, though sometimes it can be wrong but who else's isn't the same?
DFP: What are the benefits of remaining a virgin to this point? Any negatives?
Kyma: I don't know to be honest, but I try to stay true to my principles as much as possible. It's more like personal frustrations that I'm single rather than being a virgin. If anything, I'm more keen on intimacy than sex at the moment, kissing, touching and cuddling.
Kyma: I did once feel rather embarrassed about it, but I kinda wear my virginity as a badge of honour now, albeit hidden on the inside. Just my perception is that quite a few give away their virginity too soon or in a way they are unable to look back fondly upon it.
DFP: Have some of your friends already had sex?
Kyma: I would expect so, but I have never discussed it with them. A couple of good friends I keep in touch with have long standing relationships so I'm presuming they're sexually active. I can be a bit bashful when it comes to discussing sex in person, I save it for blogs where you have the absence of body language and we have anonymity here.
Kyma: I wouldn't be surprised if it's about 15-16. The
DFP: When and if you have children, will you advise them to wait? Why or why not?
Kyma: Sometimes you cannot watch over children 100% of the time, I would probably bring them up to try and think carefully before they do anything and make sure they're true to themselves and don't succumb to peer pressure.
DFP: As a male, do you feel there is an unfair double standard about this? Do people react differently to the fact that you, a male, are a virgin than you think they might to a female virgin your same age?
Kyma: I don't discuss the fact I'm a virgin anywhere apart from the sex blogosphere. Here, they don't seem to treat me differently at all and rather accepting of it. I'm rather thankful for that.
Not really, when I made my resolution, I had decided "Okay, I hadn't thrown it away whilst I was at university, I'd better think twice about throwing it away now". That was basically my rationale since I left university. My religion and culture would mean that my parents wouldn't have approved one bit of my first and only relationship (it is completely unbeknownst to them, even after the fact) and I feel guilty about it, that it goes against them, that I can't even discuss it with them.
I have my suspicions that some of my male cousins have had relationships and sex, but it hasn't been discussed once. I really am wary of discussing sex or relations in real life, just because of the culture and society.. it's still rather taboo, despite Sex and the City, and all those Sex Tip shows on Television.
*Editor's note:
Here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:
April 18: Big Will, a 21-year-old male virgin from Kansas.
April 25: zkid, an 18-year-old female from Melbourne, Australia. She lost her virginity the day she turned 18.
May 2: Sassy, a 29-year-old single mother from the United States. She gave her virginity away when she was 13.
May 9: Thalia, a Singaporean female who lost her virginity one month shy of her 20th birthday.
May 16: feministvirgin, a 23-year-old female virgin.
May 23: Mary, a 31-year-old married female. She and her husband have only had sex with each other and have a great sex life.
*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity. While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps.
Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.
For more information on how to participate click here.
13 comments:
Sounds like Kyma knows what is right for him, and will make some lucky girl a great mate one day.
His comments like I don't like the look of the skinny waifs I see walking around with a cold expression on their face, would rather see people with warm hearts and personalities. shows how mature he is too.
fusion: yeah, I liked the part about the skinny waifs too. I think the fact that kyma realized that he needed to slow things down, for both the girl and him.
"I rushed too much and I had to stop myself at the end, I didn't take the time to enjoy the simpler things like cuddling and touching because I had gotten ahead of myself so much and just wanted to make her cum lots."
Now, that realization is pretty impressive in my book. Lots of guys have trouble forgetting the cuddling and touching part. So, bravo kyma!
I too applaud his efforts. I can't phathom growing up in a society where something is so taboo that contact of any kind (that's the impression i am getting anyway) is frowned upon...but obviously he has his head squarely on his shoulders about being with someone he truly connects with, not just on the physical plain...good for him!!
I come here often, but I don't comment. But I had to today.
I can relate to Kyma. I didn't loose my virginity until I was 22. I wasn't looking to go out and just sleep with some random person just to have sex. I had some of the same views as Kyma when i was a little younger. There were a few times that I had stopped before it went farther just because I wasn't having the experience that I felt I should while having sex or being intimate.
Although, I also didn't know what I was missing out on, but I still feel like sex is a big thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. I've only slept with a few people but I made sure that I was able to connect with all of them on a mental basis rather than just the physical.
mspants: perhaps kyma himself can clear this up for us but from what I read about Hinduism, yes, it can be very conservative. And yet, it's interpreted very differently by different people in modern society. Is that right kyma? Anyway, I think you are correct, he does have his head firmly on his shoulders, and not so much using the head in his pants, shall we say...
mood killer: Well, welcome to a lurker then! May you inspire other lurkers to delurk!!
you said, "I still feel like sex is a big thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. I've only slept with a few people but I made sure that I was able to connect with all of them on a mental basis rather than just the physical." Amen, I totally agree.
Speaking of Hinduism and how some people regard it, I would consider my family to be rather liberal, as they are open to the society and the world in which we live.
I do know of some who hold rather conservative values but in either case, they feel a need for the preserve the lessons and core values that they consider important and hold dear. I don't know how much will get passed on from my parents' generation to my own.
At the moment, they are trying to encourage to take up religion more, and I've acceded to some of their minor requests but I'm not sure how far I'll take it, because I just prefer to take life as it comes and just live it.
I feel like I'm more British than Indian, because I was born in Britain and grew up here and most of my friends tend to be Caucasian and English as I feel more comfortable interacting and socialising with them that I do with Asians and my own family/ilk.
I freely accept that being an Asian in Britain, that I'm in the minority and it feels uncomfortable when I'm completely surrounded by family or in an Asian area. I would consider that I've integrated into the society at large.
Hope that gives more of a background...
Kyma, this was a great interview! Great job DFP. Kyma is such a sweetie and it shows even more here. :)
kyma: thanks for expanding on that. I find it very interesting, learning about different cultures and backgrounds.
Mina: thanks for stopping by to comment and for the compliments. I appreciate it and I am sure kyma does too.
Another great interview dfp and it looks like you have some very interesting ones coming up in the future already. Looks like you've hit on something with this, which is great, I think this dialogue is important, not only in real life, but particularly here in the adult blogger realm. Kudos to Kyma for his maturity in dealing with his virginity.
art: I'm glad you feel that way. Sometimes I worry that people don't like the WFIW posts and it's more pressure for me than my regular posts. If I don't get any comments on a post or if I get negative comments, that's one thing. Not a big deal.
But if I post someones interview, where they really let themselves hang out, and they don't get comments or they get negative comments (which has not happened yet) I would be really sad. So I spend much of Wednesdays holding my breath. But so far it has been a good experience for me and hopefully those I interview.
Kyma sounds very mature for his age & that he's making the right choice for the right reasons. Bravo!
Kyma, wear that badge until you find that right person who will appreciate you. You won't regret it!
anony: thanks for stopping by to comment. I agree, kyma's choice is the right thing for him. So if he follows through with it, if he sticks to his principles, he can feel very good about that.
Thanks for the kind commments everyone, I'm really thankful for them and the general support for the choices and resolutions I've made.
Thank you!
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