WFIW: Virginity topics
Although I do have a couple of request for interview questions (I promise I will get to you soon!) I don't have any completed WFIW questions at this time. So, I thought we could chat a bit about virginity.
This is a topic I have had on my brain for a long time. What, exactly, defines being a virgin? Is it any sexual experience? Oral sex, either giving or receiving? Manual penetration with a finger or another object, such as a sex toy?
Or, is there only one thing that makes someone a virgin? Not having had penetrative sex.
For myself, that is how I have been defining it. Even though I'd done almost "everything but" I didn't consider myself as having lost my virginity until my hymen was damaged due to intercourse. That definition works for women, because it's a distinct boundary. Passing go at that point results in some pain and blood for most women.
But what about for a man? It can still be a good marker for virginity but the line isn't as strong.
I knew of one girl that, for religious reasons, did not want to have sex until her marriage night. However, her finance was not religious. So, her solution was that they had only oral and anal sex. Was she a virgin on her wedding night?
I'd like to know how you feel about it. Give me your definition of a virgin.
10 comments:
I think that girl wasn't a virgin on her wedding night. Even if you don't think oral sex counts, anal is still INTERCOURSE, which counts in my opinion.
My own definition is that once you've both given and recieved something (anything from handjobs to oral and intercourse) you are no longer a virgin.
Also, it has to be of your own free will, so someone forcign you to blow them wouldn't make you lose your virginity.
That's my definition atleast^^
Virginity is a state of mind. The problem is there are two minds to consider: his and hers. Even if she considers herself to be virginal does not mean he will. Moreover, just because one he does, it does not follow that another he will feel the same.
Webster's defines it these ways:
http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/virgin
2.a. an absolutely chaste young woman
2.b. an unmarried girl or woman
4.a. a person who has not had sexual intercourse
The definitions are mixed. Basically, it comes down to where you draw the line.
The limits of definition 2.b are pretty easy to meet. Any unmarried woman (with some age constraint) is considered to be a virgin.
Definition 2.a is pretty rigid: absolutely chaste. There is not much lee way here. If you have even thought about sex, it seems you are no longer a virgin. Tough crowd.
I think definition 4 is the most common definition. Of course this definition hinges on the definition of "sexual intercourse." This is typically taken to mean penile-vaginal penetration, but with a looser definition even anal or oral intercourse are sexual, and so would compromise virginity.
Taken from a different perspective—the guy's, if the first sex act he had was to anally penetrated a woman, I am fairly certain he would consider himself to no longer be a virgin. The oral route is less certain. After all, even presidents do not consider that even to be sex.
Also, nowhere is consent considered in these definitions. If you are raped, you are no longer considered to be a virgin—even though you were not a willing participant.
After all of this diatribe, I have to say that I feel that I think the whole argument is patriarchal and irrelevant. Virginity is overrated and, anyway, anachronistic.
MFL
Dear Dirty Princess
Perhaps virginity is a state of mind more than anything else. Personally, I feel having anal (Oh I love it!) is going further than having "normal" sex, because it is so naughty but this girl you mentioned, obviously didn't feel the same way and wanted to save something special to her wedding night.
Love
Anne
I love when girls claim they're virgins because they only had anal sex and no vaginal penetration! it's absolutely hilarious!
a friend asked me recently how many partners I've had sex with so far. it's a ridiculous and pointless question, but it got me thinking. I asked him to define "sex" and he said "anything past blowjob." so, basically he says that kissing and hugging is not sex, so if a girl limits herself to only these activities, she's still a virgin. I think I could agree with this definition.
it has me wondering if you don't engage in sexual activity for a long period of time can you be a "born-again" virgin??? i've gone years with no sexual partners (not to say I didn't have sexual pleasure :-) at some point people usually feel like they are virgins again...what's your position on that one?? and hey dfp, missed you terribly!!
It depends if they claim they are YOUR version of virginity. That's a bit like saying you have to start accepting their version of virginity.
Also if you don't accept their version as even having a slight chance of being valid, that's like saying they have to accept your version.
But from a historical perspective, it seems on average to refer to a mechanical measurement. Typically based on the chance of infection of some desease - no sex equals no chance. Remember, this is from a time when people often treated other people more like cattle - the condition of livestock mattered. Some modern ideas of virginity are stated more like a commitment.
Ha Ha.. read my latest post, thats my opinion of a virgin.
hey everyone, thanks for chiming in with your thoughts. I'd like to say I agree with Mortality, I believe you can still be a virgin if it was taken against your free will. So I guess for me virginity is somewhat about state of mind. So I would have to say to ms. pants (hi girl!!) that if you feel like a virgin again, then perhaps you are.
If you subscribe to the purely physical definition of virginity, equaling torn tissue for a woman, the above thoughts would mean nothing. But, it has to be what it is for each individual person. I don't believe there is a hard line with this answer.
I go with the usual definition when talking to others, I guess, but I've always found something disingenuous about calling oneself a virgin when one's sucked cock or been fucked in the ass. Not that it's any sort of hard feelings, mind you, but I think the focus on vaginal, penetrative sex as a boundary for sexual experience is really arbitrary.
Hi in my male case it was 2 and st years of difference between everything but immisio(catolic girl) and penetration. And guess what my first penetration then was with a girl who never had a hymen and was having a period that time so my virgin time was ..oh it was real bloody gore...Libor
Post a Comment