It's may not be popular, but it's true
I've been struggling with something lately. A reader that very clearly displays on their profile that they are under 18 years old has been commenting on my blog. I did comment back to this person once that my blog isn't meant for teens and they reacted, of course, very defensively and have continued commenting.
This makes me uncomfortable. It has made me realize that there could very well be more than one youth reading my blog.
I like comments. I like traffic. I'm not ashamed of my content - I feel I have an important story to tell about married sex. But the little warning in the left-hand upper corner of my blog isn't just there to fill space. I truly mean that.
If you are under 18 I don't think this is an appropriate space for you. I know picking a number like that seems sort of arbitrary - one 18 year old may be less mature than another 17 year old. But I have to start somewhere.
If you are under 18 I cannot physically stop you from reading or even commenting on my blog. But I don't intend to just sit by and not say something because you aren't going to like it.
I'll repeat it. This blog is intended for a mature audience of at least 18 years old and older. If you haven't yet reached that milestone in your life I wish you would do something more age-appropriate with your time. And that means in the bedroom and with what blogs you read.
What do the rest of you sexbloggers out there think about this? Have you ever had any of the younger set lurking about your sex content? How did or would you deal with this?
18 comments:
I know we have to protect ourselves legally by paying lipservice to the 18 and over "law", but I credit 95% of my healthy attitude towards sex from reading about it in guides and Savage Love. No offense, but sometimes you're a lot tamer than Savage Love, yet reading that is ok because its "educational"? And you're "smut"?
for myself i slap on the nsfw sticker and i'm done.
not my job to police other people's kids. if anything, i'd have to say if they are reading my blog they aren't chugging down viruses at some porn site.
but i think perhaps my philosophy as a whole differs vastly from the norm. children begin maturing at a very young age, physically speaking, yet as a society we've seen fit to *protect them* by stifling their emotional development, which leaves us with a world full of very unbalanced teens and tweens.
my kids could give lectures on sex education and come across with alarming accuracy for tykes with no actual experience.
me, i would much rather my kids read the honest accounts in your blog than listen to the bogus sh!te i know they're getting in the locker room @ school
I am a blog reader. Not a blog writer (at least not yet anyway). However, I do occasionally visit chat rooms etc. I do not feel comfortable even talking to underage people on line for obvious reasons. HOWEVER, considering that at that very young age I knew didly-squat about things of this nature, I agree that I would much rather see them reading sites like yours then a typical sex type site (read pornographic). The conversations here refer to healthy monogomous relationships. This is mature reading at its best. I for one, would feel ok if my daughter was older and I stumbled upon her reading your content.
Ok, so it's clear you're talking about me.
Holly, I'm RSS subscribed since the beginning of June or July. I'm enjoying your blogs, I'm in a long term relationship, I've got a great sex life... you really shouldn't worry about me. I'm not wanking all over the keyboard when reading your stuff. It's just entertaining, you're not my role model, I won't copy you. Hey! You might want to interview me for WFIW :)).
I'm 17 at this moment, but fuck it, just a number...
I'm torn...on one hand...there has to be a line somewhere...on the other hand I find your content to be a postive display of a healthy and appropriate relationship and really getting word out that a relationship like yours is possible can't be a bad thing.
i'm 21, so it's not all that long ago that i was under 18... i spent time online looking up information on sex (not only for intercourse, but for kissing, oral, and all those other activities common among teens.) i definitely credit a lot of my sexual knowledge and as a result, relative skill from this exposure.
these were activities that i often hadn't even done yet. before i had given my first blowjob, i knew it was something i would be into. so i took my time to "research" at a site very similar to the fellatrix. this is definitely not something i could have gotten from my friends. any time the subject came up a lot of them were all "gross, why would you put that in your mouth?" i think being able to read about sex in a realistic, non-pornographic way gave me a healthy attitude about sexual activities. it's always better to learn from those older and more experienced! i didn't have sex until i was 18 anyway, but i was glad to have knowledge under my belt that didn't just come from my peers.
even though i'm older now, reading blogs has made me to open my mind to different things. anal, for example. it has this weird connotation for a lot of young people, so for a long time i wouldn't even consider it. being exposed to it in a healthy (again, non-porn, non-peer) way. i've still never done it, but i know what to expect, and can get there gradually. i think those under 18 can do similarly - read about sex and gain exposure, but then decide for themselves when they want to use what they've learned. just because they're reading it doesn't mean they're doing it!
Even though my blog isn't a true sex blog like yours Holly, I have a disclaimer up as well (was told by a fellow blogger to add it soon after I started). I've never looked to see what age my readership is, and I'm not interested in knowing it. It sounds to me like tuplad is fairly mature for his age, and even if he wasn't what could you do that you already haven't done? I admire the fact he is honest about his age here.
Anyway, I say don't worry about what you can't control, that's all.
btw, if you have any free time, I tagged you, just because you don't seem to get tagged much these days!
Cheers,
John
Thanks for all the positive comments guys. I still feel uncomfortable about someone like tuplad lurking about. I write this blog for an older audience.
I can, however, see your collective points that my site is at least a sex and marriage possitive place and I appreciate it. In a perfect world teens would have much better resources for sex than my blog. (although that's not why tuplad is reading)
Anyway, like I said I can't control who reads my blog. But at least now I feel I have stated my feelings very clearly.
Hehe :)
I will hit 18 on the 4th of august, 2008 ;).
@ tuplad: great - any chance you could come back then?
i'm nineteen and i think you're actually setting a good example compared to the sluts that just go and fuck anyone they come into contact with. the fact that it is monogamous and consensual is a good goal for confident women to achieve.
people under the age of 18 are probably reading your blog for a reason.
I'll leave if this blog ever bores me. DFP is a great writer, and that's also one of the reasons why I'm subscribed. I'm paying more attention to her writing style than to her stories.
you are?
she's a great writer, i'll give you that, but you might want to see a doctor.
that's just not normal.
I'm 20 and read your blog religiously. I have looked at other blogs, alot of which seem to be about hardcore S&M or that are over the top sexually. The reason I love your blog is because it's honest and real. I have been reading sex blogs since before I was 18 and I don't think it has affected me negatively. I am in a healthy loving relationship with a boy I want to marry.
I think that instead of feeling uncomfortable you should feel proud that you are providing an honest and straightforward account of how a sexual relationship should be.
Teenagers are maturing at a much faster rate now, surely you would rather them read about you, a stable woman in a monogamous relationship who waited to have sex, than some of the other misleading and pressured BS that is around?
Unfortunately not much you can do about it other than write your intentions. I don't think you can be legally liable since you're not out trolling for minors. It's one of the hazards of the intarwebz.
I have removed comments from people under 18 and would do it again if it became necessary.
They certainly can choose to ignore my warnings, but I don't want to give even tacit encouragement to them being there.
It's sad, but I don't want to get into trouble for corrupting the youth of our great nation.
:)
HI Holly
I'm one of your readers. 43 years old and living in Sweden (Europe), you know Internet is an international thing.
To me this question about age is a really strange one. I'll try to explain why.
First of all in Sweden the legal age for sex is 14, you can't get married until your 18 though. The thing is that legal age for sex is different in different countries. It means that who is an adult among your readers is not a very clear issue.
Second, in Sweden, by government regulation, its mandatory in early high-school (13-14 year olds) to take a course called "Sex and relationships" where the subject of sex and relationships are discussed from biological, legal, emotional and practical perspectives. In that course the kind of material you write is commonly used as educational texts and discussed in group seminars.
In Sweden its generally believed that its much better if teenagers really learn about these things from good and healthy sources, and not from pornography. Even the churches generally agree about this and at confirmation camps for teenagers its very common to have similar seminars about sex and relationships as in school.
Sorry for being anonymous, but the last time I posted anything like this I got flamed by a lot of Christians from the US.
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