Boyfriend on batteries

As many of you know, I made the shocking move of actually telling my mom about my sexblog a while ago. She doesn't know my alter ego name and she doesn't read it, but occasionally I tell her when something really exciting happens.

Like getting a free vibrator.

I admit, it was a slightly awkward telephone conversation. But I soldiered on.

"So my new toy arrived and I already wrote the review on it," I told her. "Oh, and I also am going to take a group photo of my husband's department."

Notice how I skimmed on past the part where I actually used the toy? And how I slickly changed the subject soon afterwards?

Mom and I chatted on for a while longer about random subjects. Then, as we were saying goodbye she slips this into the conversation.

"I'm glad you got your Bob."

"Bob?" I said blankly.

"Your boyfriend on batteries."

"Oh, my BOB," I said, recognition dawning.

pause ... Then I just dove right back in.

"Actually, it was a lot more fun when husband was playing too," I said.

"Oh," she said a little wistfully. "I've never used a vibrator with anyone else. Daddy is kind of a stick in the mud when it comes to that."

So apart from being a little sad that my dad is, apparently, not very willing to experiment, I'm glad my mom and I had this conversation. It might be a little weird, but I'm happy to have a girlfriend I can talk to sex about - even if she is my mom.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 10

This week we'll hear from Marlea. She's 29 years old and she recently had sex for the first time with her long-distance boyfriend.

DFP: How did you decide that you were ready to have sex and and why?

Marlea: In general, I knew I had been ready for a few years, but the opportunity hadn't come about. Unlike a lot of people, I didn't come to this decision because the opportunity was presented and I had to make a decision, but rather because the opportunity DIDN'T come about, and I got very tired of waiting on the sidelines. If you are asking about how I knew that The Boy was the right guy and that sort of thing, well, I just knew. I dated a guy a few years ago that I thought had potential, and I would have considered a sexual relationship with him, but things ended before it got that far. Since then, I dated occasionally, but nothing got past date #2. Then The Boy came along, and things developed very slowly with him. We were friends first, then were "together" for 6 months before I was willing to put the relationship label on it, and most of that was long-distance. When we were physically together on visits, things just felt right. My concern beforehand was that I would feel embarrassed and insecure when things got hot and heavy, but I didn't. Instead I felt comfortable. And any guy who could make me feel comfortable while I was naked, well, he deserved something for that. Also, the "shine" of virginity was gone. I no longer thought of it as a "gift" or anything cheesy like that. It was a small piece of tissue, and now it's gone.

DFP: What were the reasons you waited as long as you did to have sex?

Marlea: I have always been a late-bloomer socially. I didn't date as a teen as I was painfully shy. I didn't date much in college either, and the few times I tried, things went very badly. I didn't drink alcohol until I was legal. I also got sucked into the youth Christian movement when I was in my teens, which was a good thing at the time (it probably saved me from clinical depression), but sex was out in that crowd. I was a good Christian girl, so I didn't even think about sex. I was going to wait for marriage. By the time I started to question that religious ideal, I was in college, and still uncertain about a lot of things, and didn't know if I was willing to throw everything I believed in away. I finally gave up my religious beliefs and decided that I didn't have to wait for marriage but I knew I wanted to wait until I met someone that I had a connection with, and I didn't find that connection until recently with The Boy.

DFP: How are things currently going with your love interest?

Marlea: Things are good. To give some background for your readers: The Boy and I are long-distance. He's British, and I'm American; he is the UK, I'm in the USA. I used to live in London, and met him while I was living there. We were friends, but didn't become a couple until about a year after I moved home. We've been together now for almost a year. We were having a rough time recently because he is in school and finishing his Masters degree, so he is under a lot of stress. He doesn't have a job to go to yet and he graduates in a few weeks. I understand all of this, so have been trying to give him some space to deal with it all, so we haven't been talking as much as I would like. I still hear from him on most days, but it's usually quick text messages instead of long phone calls or internet chats. I'm going over to visit him in 51 days (which will probably be less time once this is posted). I will be there for 17 days, and we are both VERY MUCH looking forward to this visit. *(DFP edit: Marlea sent me this email on May 9.)

DFP: Are you happy that you are no longer a virgin? Why?

Marlea: Yes. I feel like I've finally passed the last obstacle to becoming an adult. I always felt on the outside, like I didn't know the secret handshake to the adult clubhouse. But I'm also very happy that I took this step with The Boy as it helped deepen our relationship. I don't want to make it sound like I had sex with The Boy just because I wanted to get it out of the way, because that isn't true. I wanted to share that experience with him, and me feeling like I've finally become a real adult was just an added bonus.

DFP: Do you have any regrets/would you change anything if you could?

Marlea: No. I wouldn't change a thing. I am actually glad that The Boy still doesn't know that our first time was MY first time. I didn't tell him. My virginity had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I didn't want him to feel any pressure regarding my first time, and I didn't want it to get in the way of the moment. Our first time was a an intimate experience that brought us closer, and I didn't want my virginity to overshadow that. As for the experience itself, again, I wouldn't change a thing. I wrote a blog entry this too, so if anyone is interested, you can read my reasoning there.

DFP: Was your first time a good experience?

Marlea: Yes. Again, I give a detailed run-down of the experience on my blog if people want to read more (A bit of self-promotion... the entry can be found here) There was very little discomfort, which lasted for maybe 10 seconds, then things were fine. I am quite glad that our first time was the climax (no pun intended) of a week's worth of foreplay and such. And then the ACTUAL experience happened after a good hour or so of true foreplay. In a lot of ways, my first time was only a very small part of the time we had together. It was the icing on the cake.

DFP: Was it what you had expected or hoped for?

Marlea: Yes. I hadn't expected the earth to move. I just hoped that I wasn't embarrassed, uncomfortable, or regretful, and I wasn't any of these things. The earth didn't move, but I did feel things I didn't expect, and that was a bonus.

DFP: Are there any factors that influenced your sexual decisions so far, such as cultural background, religious upbringing, etc.

Marlea: I came from a semi-religious WASP family, so that had a small impact, and then I became more wrapped up in the youth Christian movement as a teen, which had an impact too. There weren't any cultural influences, but my family has always had high expectations of me, and being even moderately "promiscuous" was definitely not something they would have approved of. For a long time my family's approval of me was very important, so I wouldn't have done anything to disappoint them. I'm not letting that affect me as much any more though.

DFP: What about sex ed? Do you feel you had adequate training in this area?

Marlea: Yes, and that might have been another reason I held off. Sex wasn't worth the risk of babies, disease, and other things. I had the typical sex ed in school. My mom's sex ed talk consisted of, "I got pregnant with you and your brother very easily, you will probably get pregnant very easily too, so be careful." But I'm incredibly curious as well and I want to know about everything I don't know, so I was probably one of the most educated virgins around. I've read Cosmo for years, so even as a virgin I could discuss techniques, positions, Kegles, anatomy (both men's and women's), and such with the best of them.

DFP: What, if anything, do you plan to tell future children about sex?

Marlea: Like my mom did, I will tell my kids to be careful, but I won't talk about sex like it's something to be feared or revered, I will talk about it as a natural occurrence. As long as they are happy, I'm happy. Hopefully they will be safe, and they can come to me if they have questions or concerns. If I have a daughter, I will have to have a second talk with her because I have a genetic blood disorder that makes it impossible for me to take hormonal birth control, and it's also risky for me to become pregnant. If my daughter inherits this disorder, I want to make sure she gets educated because I would hate for her to be at risk for a stroke or pulmonary embolism. Condoms will be extra important for her, not just an annoyance.

DFP: What do you think is the average age that most people in today's society lose their virginity?

Marlea: I don't know. I think it's older than people think. People assume most teens lose their virginity, but at one point last year, I could count 7 of my friends who were either still virgins or who didn't lose their virginity until 24 or older. A number of us have lost our virginity in the last year (yea us!) but we were all older when it happened.

DFP: Any other relevant information you would like to add?

Marlea: Relevant? Hmmm.... I think people need to re-think virginity. It's such a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. Sexual history, or lack of it, has WAYY TOOOO MUCH importance. I'm so much more than my sexual history, and I've done so many great things that I'm proud of. And yet, I didn't feel like a true adult until I had sex. I think society, American society in particular, needs to lighten up and let people move at their own pace and not feel judged about waiting. No one should have sex just to fit in. Only do it when you're ready.

Here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

June 6: per.pri, a 19-year-old woman that has never had a relationship. Per.pri was sexually assaulted.

June 13: norelle, a 23-year-old currently single woman that lost her virginity at 19 with her first love.

June 20: fusion, a 47-year-old man that first had sex with his wife at age 22. Now a widow, fusion no longer believes that waiting for marriage is necessarily a good thing.

June 27: saranonymous, a 31-year-old married woman.

Following that will be the interviews from several more people. I have sent interview questions to these people:

a 35-year-old frustrated virgin

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

a 24-year-old male that has oral sex but is waiting for intercourse on the wishes of his long-term girlfriend.

a 47-year-old male non-virgin currently in a ''steady committed" relationship

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

I love a good shower blowjob

I love standing, arms wrapped around you, in the stream of warm water. I love pressing against you, our bare skin caressed by the air.

I love washing you clean, rubbing my soapy hands all over your body - chest, back, ass, arms, cock. I love kissing you deeply, delaying the moment we both know is coming.

When I work my way down, your cock is already partially erect. I love taking your softness in my mouth, changing it from pliable to hard and straight.

The sounds you make are better than any thank you. The way you hold your body is a loud-and-clear compliment.

I fumble, distracted, to find my seat on the edge of the tub. I move the shower curtain so I don't sit on it and rip it off it's hangers. I don't care when I push it away too dramatically and I don't worry about the water I know must be dripping on the floor.

I keep you wet with my saliva. I move my mouth over and over your pink tan blue black purple mottled skin. Everything in you strains for that release and yet you hold back. I love how you want to make it last.

Finally, I can tell you are going to cum. Your body is ridged. Your moans intense. Your breathing is short and hard.

I love that moment when you cannot stop yourself, even if you wanted to. I love the gush of warm fluid that bathes my mouth. I love your grunts, your sounds of passion.

I love the urgency of maintaining motion, frantically sucking your cock, stimulating your balls with my hands as you cum. I love licking you clean when you are done filling my mouth. I love looking up at you, a vixen's smile on my face and in my eyes.

I love you.

Check this out!

Over the last week or so, the fellatrix conducted an email interview with me. Head on over here, if you'd like to read the first part in a two-part series.

The fellatrix asked me questions about everything from why I blog to whether I can deep throat. The interview was a lot of fun on my end and I hope you guys enjoy the result.

On a related note, the fellatrix is a newcomer to the sexblog world. In fact, I believe her first post went up this month. She tells me this is her first blog of this type.

I'm really enjoying her approach to sex blogging. First off all, she's focusing on just one aspect of the sexual experience - fellatio. If that isn't enough to make me like her, there's the fact that she put me in her fellatrix blowjob queen hall of fame. (Seen in her far left column.)

She has a unique approach to blogging that is very intriguing. For one thing, she has been interviewing other bloggers about fellatio - see her interview with padme amidala at her blog here and here.

A major feature of her blog is that she sifts through the glut of information about blowjobs on the Internet. Then she either links to the information in her sidebar or she writes a post about it. It says her blog is a "A Cornucopia of Fellatio Information" in her masthead, and it's very true.

The thing I like is that I don't always have time to find those interesting sites myself. By perusing her blog, I've already found some really fun stuff that I know I would have missed out on if I had not become acquainted with fellatix.

So, head on over there and check out her site. There's a lot of interesting stuff over there, only one of which is the results of my interview!

Revisiting it: spitting or swallowing

I read an interesting post over at juggling cats, by my blog friend brahnamin. It's about the different types of orgasms he experiences.

First, brahnamin outlines his definition of spitting vs. swallowing.

swallow means exactly what it says and spit means get your mouth out of the f*cking way and let mrCock spit his load elsewhere.

I can agree with that logic. On the other hand, I think spit can also mean letting him cum in your mouth but then spitting or washing it out.

Either way, I've never been a spitter. In the past, my technique was to let the majority of his cum dribble out the sides of my mouth as I'm sucking on him during orgasm. Then I swallow what is in my mouth. Lately, I just swallow.

Hard Husband and I have talked about this several times in the past, and a lot more lately. Again, he assures me it doesn't feel any different whether I dribble or swallow. He does like the sexiness of me swallowing, it's hawt (he specified the spelling) and it makes him feel like I'm really, really into what I am doing.

Brahnamin, on the other hand, points out that men can have all kinds of different orgasms. He's what he has to say about the types of orgasms he experiences, depending on what's happing when he's cumming.

what i notice when she does pull back and finish me with her hand (or tits, or whatever) is the cool touch of air against my skin and an orgasm that is a clean singular release that gently fades away.

when she keeps her mouth firmly around me, the orgasm is invariably more violent and tends to roll over me in several jolting waves, and when i come inside of her elsewhere the orgasm is similar, no less intense, but generally more singular, less of the recurring wave effect i get when she swallows.

Reading brahnamin's thoughts on the matter made me realize something. We all know each person is different. So if there are men that experience heightened sensation with swallowing, perhaps this is a good reason for their obsession with it.

It also made me realize that, in my recent post, The all important question: Do you swallow?, I was a bit on the defensive. I was reacting to some questions asked by my favorite life. Even though I told him I didn't mind the questions, the slightest implication that I might not be taking good enough care of hard husband's sexual needs did rankle.

Heck, it put teacher of biker's balls and the teacher's tits on the defensive and the questions were not even directed at her! See the comments section of this post if you want to read what I am referring to.

I guess what I am getting at is, I came off as a bit of a raging feminist. You can't make me swallow! I am a powerful woman!

In actuality, I am nothing like that. I'm submissive in bed and I love it. I love pleasing my husband. I love swallowing his cum. I love making him happy.

However, since I view this blog as a bit of a teaching blog, I try to think in terms of what a beginner might be going through. With hard husband and I it goes without saying that he will treat me with respect and love at all times, regardless of whether he is dominating me at the time or not. Even when he's pushing my head down, pushing his cock further in my mouth, or grabbing me by the arm and dragging me off to the bed, he's always got my well-being and happiness in mind. I trust him fully and completely.

Unfortunately, not all men are like that. Therefore, I maintain that it is the woman that must make the ultimate decision on things like how deep his cock goes in her mouth and whether she swallows, spits or mr.cock spits elsewhere.

Hats off to brahnamin for his excellent post!

I touch myself

I don't remember the first time hard husband used his fingers on me while I was sucking his cock. We've been doing that so long it's just second nature.

We learned early on that I suck the best cock when I'm getting pleasure at the same time I'm giving pleasure. It sets free the superwhore in me.

The superwhore in me can pull him in deeper. She sucks harder, stronger. Her tongue stays in constant motion. Her hands are all over the place.

In the last year that has expanded to include the no-contact orgasm. Hard husband doesn't even have to be touching me to turn me into the superwhore wife. While that has been really, really nice it was also the catalyst for another new thing.

I touch myself while I'm sucking husband's cock.

The first time this happened, I was a little hesitant for some reason. I reached down between my legs and began masturbating while sucking his cock.

"That's right, baby," husband said. "Touch yourself."

I don't know why I hadn't done it before. I guess I felt like it was selfish. I was sitting on an ottoman on the floor and he was standing in front of me. Usually in that position, or when I'm kneeling on the floor, I use that time to concentrate just on him. My mouth, face, tongue and both hands - they are all for him. I thought that using one of my hands for my pleasure was somehow selfish.

Of course, I know now that those thoughts are silly. Like I said before, I suck the best cock when I'm getting pleasure at the same time I'm giving pleasure. That's true if I'm getting pleasure from husband's fingers or my own.

Now, I touch myself whenever I feel like it. After a few no-contact orgasms I get so turned on I spread my knees a bit and grind down on my fingers while I pleasure husband with my mouth. The moaning sounds I'm making around his cock remind me why a blowjob is sometimes called a hummer - I sound like a recording of a demolition derby - motors gone wild.

What about the rest of you? Anybody else like to touch yourself when your sucking cock? How do those getting their cocks sucked feel, does it turn you on if the sucker touches them self?

The all important question: Do you swallow?

In the comments section of a post on orgasming while sucking cock, another sexblogger, my favorite life, asked me some questions. I'm going to concentrate on this one: do I swallow?

Here's the answer: Yes, but not every time.

As a beginner, I did try swallowing. However, I felt like with everything I was learning - controlling my gag reflex and technique - I had enough on my plate, so to speak. So, instead of spitting it out I tended to let most of it dribble out while I'm getting him off and just swallow what was in my mouth.

A while ago, husband and I were talking about it. I decided to give it a try again. Since then I do typically swallow because I know he likes it.

If I hated the taste of husband's sperm I wouldn't be as enthusiastic about sucking his cock as I am. In fact, one of my favorite moments is when I can first taste the pre-cum on the tip of his cock. I love lapping every drop of that up. And I love the moment when he shoots his load into my mouth. It feels so great to give him that much pleasure.

That having been said, I just don't think swallowing is absolutely necessary for a good blowjob. I mean, come on, you've got a woman willing to suck on your cock. I'm sorry, what is it you want to complain about?

The thing is, every woman needs to make her own boundaries for this. It's not OK to shove your dick into the back of a woman's throat so far that you gag her. (Unless she is into that sort of thing.) She's got to control the depth, especially as she is learning. In the same way, it's not OK to shoot your junk into her mouth if she doesn't want you to. If she wants a warning, she deserves a warning.

On the other hand, a woman that is genuinely trying to please a man won't spit out his cum like she just accidentally licked a toilet. She won't run to the sink and rinse like a maniac. It's just not sexy and it implies that there is something gross about what you've been doing.

I love to suck husband's cock. I love doing it as part of foreplay before he fucks me. I love blowing him and letting him cum in my mouth. I've never had to pretend that I'm totally enjoying what I'm doing - that just comes naturally for me. And that's true whether I swallow or not.

To try to get a little better insight on this, I attempted to interview the most difficult interview subject ever. Hard Husband. It's a topic we have talked about before so I already knew what he would say.

Here are the results:

DFP: What is it that you like about swallowing?

Hard husband: It makes it feel like you are really into it ... and you want to do it. It's hawt, I guess.

DFP: In the past I have let let your cum dribble out of my mouth instead of swallowing it all. How did that make you feel?

Hard husband: I honestly don't know. I like it all. It's all good.

DFP: Did it ever make you feel rejected?

Hard husband: No.

DFP: You always know that you can cum in my mouth if you want to. In fact, sometimes I offer and you still choose to switch to fucking before you cum. Other times you do choose to cum in my mouth. What do you like about that?

Hard Husband: Sometimes the feeling gets so strong and I can't hold back and you just got to do it right then and there, you know?

When you decide to fuck me instead, what are your reasons?

Hard Husband: Because I like to fuck.

...

Man, doing that interview really tired me out.

__________________________________________________________________________

And there you have it. Hard husband's thoughts on swallowing. It's hawt but it's not a deal breaker.

Feel free to chime in here with your opinions. Even if you disagree and think of swallowing as the Holy Grail of blowjobs. I can take it. As long as I know my man is happy, that is all I care about.

My new toy

My new toy from EdenFantasys.com arrived today. I'll be trying it out over the next few days - both with husband and by myself, and then writing a review to be posted at their Web site. It's a G-spot massager.

I can't wait to see if it works like I hope it does!

Getting off on cock sucking

I love giving husband a blowjob because I love giving him pleasure. I love the look on his face. I love the sounds he makes. I love the way he arches his pelvis, pushing himself closer and closer to me.

I love what it does for me too.

While there are many paybacks, right now I'm talking about the no-contact orgasm. Over the last year I've developed the ability to orgasm while sucking husband's cock. I call it the no-contact orgasm because his fingers and his lips are no where near me when this happens. It's just my body's response to being very turned on by what's going on.

Last night, I had some serious no-contact orgasms. Husband had already given me several orgasms with his fingers while I sucked his cock in a few of our favorite positions.

I then switched to kneeling on the floor in front of him. My mona was already quivering with the after shocks of previous orgasms. Still, I could feel her stir happily as I continued to pleasure husband in this position.

I took him deep in my mouth, lapping my tongue on the underside of his cock. I swirled it up and around his cockhead from right to left. Then I started moving him slowly in and out of my mouth, gradually increasing depth and speed.

For some variety, I started swirling my head from right to left as I brought him in and out of my mouth. I kept surprising him, sometimes changing the rhythm, sometimes changing the direction of my swirl.

This position is great for using both hands as well as my mouth. I kept them busy, sometimes rubbing or cupping his balls, sometimes wrapping one hand around his shaft and moving it up and down in tandem with my mouth.

It didn't take long for me to start feeling an orgasm come on. My body took over and started reacting a split second before my brain was aware of what was happening. I started moaning loudly around husbands cock and my sucking got louder, faster, stronger.

I felt my face get hot and my body tingly. My mona pulsed with pleasure. This type of orgasm might not be as earth shattering as some other orgasms I've had - but it's definitely present and it definitely feels good.

I kept it going as long as I could, finally needing to come up for gasps of air. When I was ready, I dove back in enthusiastically, going for some more swirly action. As I twisted my head around husband's cock, my body gyrated. The friction increased the pleasure I was feeling between my legs.

Finally, after several orgasms for me and bringing husband to the edge several times, he'd had enough. He moved away and pointed at the bed.

I willingly moved into my favorite position, on my back with my legs in the air. As turned on as we both were it wasn't long before we were loudly experiencing simultaneous orgasms.

It makes me very happy to give husband pleasure - even if I don't have a no-contact orgasm. But, let me tell you, it sure doesn't hurt the cause!

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 9

This week's Waiting for it Wednesday interview comes from Mary, a 31-year-old married female. Here's how she introduces herself:

I have been with my husband (a year younger than myself) since we started dating in mid-high school. We were both virgins & remained so because we wanted to wait until we knew that we would get married. Three years later (during college), we bought promise rings. Six months later, when I was 21, we couldn't resist any longer & started having safe sex.

We've been together for 15 years now (& happily married for eight years). We had a long engagement until we were done with college & financially secure before we got married. Since we've been together, we've gone through some medical difficulties but have always maintained our intimacy. He's the only man I've ever been with & I'm the only woman he's ever been with. Neither of us have any regrets. Why would we? We have a wonderful sex life where we both share & explore our sexual fantasies. Each year we're together, our sex life gets better & better!

DFP: What was you & your husband's motivation to wait for marriage?

Mary: We both waited to have sex for several reasons. We wanted to be sure that our relationship was something permanent & with a future. We both knew that even safe sex had risks & felt that if we weren't ready to deal with an unexpected pregnancy & the decisions that we would need to consider & make if that happened, then we weren't mature enough to have sex. We both wanted to be 100% confident that we were ready & not just reacting to the moment or our hormones. We felt we shouldn't have sex until we felt comfortable openly discussing our sexuality & sharing our fantasies with each other. Most importantly, we wanted our virginity to be something special given to & shared with the other person that we were going to spend the rest of our lives with. It was tough sometimes, but neither of us have any regrets.

DFP: Did your parents stress the importance of waiting?

Mary: My parents always joked about how 'you need a license' (i.e. marriage) to have sex. So yes, they did stress the importance of waiting until the right person came along & the serious commitment two people should have to each other, their relationship & their future together before having sex. As I got older, they were always open about the fact that they preferred me to wait but if I chose not to that I should come to them so I would be 'safe' about it (i.e. use protection). At one point, my mother even wrote my husband (boyfriend at the time) & I a letter saying she was proud of us & would support any decisions we made. During the first few years my husband & I dated, they would ask me now & again if we were thinking about it & did I need protection. Although I would reassure them that we were waiting, they didn't always believe me but trusted I was doing the safe thing. As a matter of fact, my husband's parents also asked him during the first several years of our relationship & didn't believe him either. Once we did start having sex though, my parents did know about it & gave us our privacy. His parents knew but chose to pretend otherwise.

DFP: What will you tell your children about having sex?

Mary: I'll also joke about how you need a license but we'll also be open & supportive of their decisions. We'll talk to them how sex is a serious commitment to someone with that involves a variety of factors. It involves maturity to be completely open & honest with your partner, complete trust in each other, respecting your partner & their limits, loving who that person is completely & finally the responsibility to consider & make any decisions necessary with any possible consequences. We'll teach them that sex is not something to be ashamed of or taken lightly. We'll discuss how we ourselves waited to find each other & would prefer they wait until they find the one person they want to share their lives with.

DFP: What do you think is the average age that most people in today's society lose their virginity?

Mary: When I was in high school in the late 80s/early 90s, friends & acquaintances I knew were having sex anywhere from 15 to 18 years old. When I was that age, I respected my friends' decisions & did not judge them; but I did feel that it was too young to make such an adult decision. The sad fact is that every year kids are learning about sex younger than my friends or I ever did. You have grade school & junior high kids knowing EXACTLY what sex entails & giving blowjobs. I'm not sure but I would say majority of people are losing their virginity between the ages of 14 and 17 years old. For those who do remain virgins (for whatever reason) until they are in early & mid 20s (or later), I applaud them. Although sex is nothing to be ashamed of, it's taken way too lightly in our society. It's something that should be given the respect it deserves.

DFP: What do you think are the negatives of having multiple sexual partners and having sex too young?

Mary: I think that when people have sex at a young age that they are too immature to seriously consider the precautions/consequences & are most likely doing so for one of these reasons. Trying to please or 'prove' to someone that he or she loves that person 'Impress' others with their 'experience' or 'knowledge' Proving they are an 'adult' Simple rebellion - because they were told not to.

Once you start having sex, it's not easy to stop because you've already done it & then it generally doesn't seem like an important decision anymore. So unless you find someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with at a young age, I think you're more likely to have multiple sexual partners until you do find that 'special someone'. With each person someone has sex with, you are opening yourself up to risks of pregnancy (no matter how safe you are) & STDs (depending on who you & your partner have each slept with before each other). The younger you are, the harder it is to take responsibility to take precautions. Most people are still discovering who they are until their mid to late twenties, so to make such an adult decision at an early age implies to me that it's not a decision they take very seriously. How can anyone who is still discovering who they are (their likes, dislikes, passions & priorities) be ready to make a decision that could impact their health & possibly the rest of their life? I am not judging others; this is only my personal opinion.

DFP: Where are you from & what is your cultural background, such as race, religious upbringing, etc? What impact, if any, did that have on when you first had sex?

Mary: I am a white female who grew up in the Midwest suburbs with a Methodist background. I attended church every Sunday (mostly because I was in the choir & youth group) since I was a little girl until after high school. I don't believe my cultural background or religious upbringing affected my choices to wait to have sex. Really it was more of a personal decision for myself & for who I was. Although I had a few serious boyfriends before my husband, I always had to feel a connection with them in order to 'fool around'; even on those occasions though, I had very strict rule (i.e. no messing around down below the waist). I'm not sure why my hubby was different other than I felt a bond with him knowing he respected me no matter what I decided & never tried to push me beyond my limits. It's ironic actually how my previous boyfriends were generally more experienced than myself but I never wanted to go far with them. With my husband, we were both on the same page & were exploring new territory together.

Here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

May 30: Marlea, a 29-year-old woman that recently had sex for the first time with her long-distance boyfriend.

June 6: per.pri, a 19-year-old woman that has never had a relationship. Per.pri was sexually assaulted.

June 13: norelle, a 23-year-old currently single woman that lost her virginity at 19 with her first love.

June 20: fusion, a 47-year-old man that first had sex with his wife at age 22. Now a widow, fusion no longer believes that waiting for marriage is necessarily a good thing.

Following that will be the interviews from several more people. I have sent interview questions to these people:

a 31-year-old married woman non-virgin

a 35-year-old frustrated virgin

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

My cat is a pervert

Usually, when hard husband and I fuck, I throw our two cats out and shut the door. It just creeps me out to have them in the same room. I feel like a twisted individual. Sometimes I wonder if the humane society might contact me with allegations of abuse.

You do what, with your innocent kitties in the same room?!? You don't deserve to be a pet owner.

Yesterday, before we left to visit bro-in-law, we took care of business. Though I don't mind fucking in other people's houses I'd just rather not have to. So we make a point to schedule in some uninhibited sex before trips, if we can help it.

Of course, when we headed to our bedroom we found it already occupied by two furry pussies. Maybe it was because we were really horny. Maybe it was about being on a bit of a timetable. But I decided to try a new tactic.

I took off all my clothes and jumped up and down on the bed, laughing like a maniac.

Cat one took the hint like a cattle prod. We saw no more of her until we were done making love.

Cat two put her ears flat and looked around wildly. After about three jumping sessions, each one crazier in the hopes that she would scat, she finally ran away.

Husband rolled his eyes at my antics and we went for it. There was kissing and licking and nibbling going on. Things were starting to get really, really good. You know, like when the phone rings and you're thinking, "Oh, no. NO WAY. Not unless the house is on fire."

I was, of course, whispering sweet nothings to husband's cock extremely attentive cock. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. Cat two had snuck back and was laying on the very bottom corner of the bed. She had her back to us, like she was thinking, "I was here first fuckers. You can't get rid of me that easily."

I couldn't help it. I started giggling. I was too far gone to care about making her leave, but it did strike me funny that she was so determined to stay.

A while later, husband and I were in the 69 position. I was moaning nonstop around his cock. His every lick was sending shivers of ecstasy through my body.

I glanced to the bottom of the bed. Yup. She was still there. Her ears were a little flattened and her tail was twitching, but she was riding it out.

Then I asked husband for some individual attention. I wanted to lay back with his face between my legs and really concentrate on the waves of pleasure coursing through my body.

The whole time husband was there, so was the cat. In fact, she didn't leave the bedroom until we did. It was like she was determined to prove a point or something.

And I think she did prove her point. Next time, I'm throwing her out where she belongs and I'm shutting the door. If she doesn't like it, she can grow some opposable thumbs.

Sex in everything

Do you ever get the feeling that you might think about sex too much? Like, maybe you have a unnatural fixation on the subject?

That's why I fit in so well in the sexblog world. Sexbloggers can write about anything they want - their pets, jobs, hobbies they engage in with their clothes on, and more. Usually, these activities are somehow connected to sex, however. You know, much like my real life.

I plan my day around sex. Such as my shaving and showering schedule. When someone invites us for a visit, my first thought is about sex - when we last had it and when we can get it again. Will this visit interfere with my needs for sex?

It's not just my thoughts either. It effects my sight too. I can't tell you how often I've half read something out of the corner of my eye and done a double take. What I thought I read always has to do with sex. What it really says isn't usually as much fun.

Here's some real examples of sexreading I've done lately:

Yesterday, I commented at Real Adult Sex. Afterwards, a message pops up about comment moderation.

This is what I read:

"If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved in the shower before your comment will appear."

Mmmm. Figleaf...

This is what it actually says:

"If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear."

A few days ago I was checking my email. I randomly scanned the gmail generated link at the top.

This is what I read:

Baked peas with tampons, yogurt and pistachios

Yikes!

This is what it actually says:

Baked peas with tarragon, yogurt and pistachios

Then, I was scanning a Website by my latest blog crush, Sarah from all about my vagina. What caught my eye this time was an entry at Aloha Misc: Media House, another Web site she is associated with.

This is what I read:

Feminism(s): Strengthening the tits

Er? Excuse me?

This is what it actually said:

Feminism(s): Strengthening the ties

So. You be the judge. Am I a sex freak or what?

Faking it for 'convienence sake'

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I received two reader questions on orgasms recently. To read about a woman's capacity to orgasm, go to the post below or click the link.

This question is from norelle, who has a blog called a first time for everything. Here's what she said to me in an email:

"I hope you don't mind me emailing you, it's just in response to a comment you posted on my blog about being able to orgasm solo but not with a partner. I'd appreciate your advice, since you and your husband seem to have such a fulfilling sex life. I was just wondering if you ever feel like you're taking too long when he's using his fingers and/or tongue on you - I think that's my main problem, like I'm holding him up and he's going to get impatient so I just fake it for convenience sake. I'm generally a people-pleaser anyway, it obviously spills over into my sex life."

I answered norelle in an email. Then I asked for an received permission to post her question and my answer at my blog. Here's what I said:

Norelle,

No, I certainly don't mind emails at all - especially if you have a question. That's what the sexblog world is all about.

So, down to your question: "Ever feel like you're taking too long when he's using
his fingers and/or tongue on you?" I used to, yes. There are two reasons why this has changed.

1. I realized that worrying that way would only make everything take much longer. I've tried to learn to relax and realize that it is OK if it takes time, even a long time. Because my husband definitely does not mind.

The thing is, when I have had at least one orgasm before intercourse, I am so much more turned on and I pay back my husband 100 fold for the time he put in. I call it releasing the superwhore in me, and I think if more men tried for that they would be glad they did. Also, of course, if I have orgasmed before we get to actual fucking, I can orgasm much, much easier and stronger.

2. I don't know about all women, but it has taken my body years to adjust to having orgasms more and more easily. Husband and I have been married for three years and were having sex for a year before that. It took me 6 months to orgasm from intercourse and it's gotten slowly but surely better and easier for me ever since.

The thing that I attribute to our success is that husband pretty much ALWAYS makes me orgasm with his fingers at least once first. Even today, if he doesn't do that first, I might orgasm but it won't be as strong. (Although, since it is a regular part of our foreplay, we rarely have sex without it. Same as we rarely have sex without some cock sucking.)

Here's what I think. You said you first had sex at 19 and are now 23, right? So, your body, if it is like mine, is still getting adjusted to this sex thing. It takes time, practice, experimentation and patience. That and a loving, generous and patient partner.

This the second part of your question/statement: "I think that's my main problem, like I'm
holding him up and he's going to get impatient so I just fake it for convenience sake."

Hey, I have been there. When husband and I were first having sex his finger moves didn't quite do it for me. So, partially because of what you said, I didn't want to bore him, make him feel impatient, and partially because I didn't know how to tell him I needed a gentler touch, I faked it.

Then I realized, this is a vicious circle. He's not inside my body, so how will he know how I am feeling if I do not tell him? So I stopped faking and did my best to direct him without hurting his feelings. He noticed and asked why things seemed to take longer, I told him that A: I didn't before realize what my body was capable of so I was stopping to early and B: that I might have misrepresented my pleasure at some point. Both answers were true.

It was hard, but it was a turning point for both of us. If I hadn't stopped right there I would have gotten further and further entrenched in the lie and it would have been harder and harder to back out of it. Since I did speak up and "selfishly" asked for the time and patience I needed we've been able to make it to the point we are at today.

The thing is, it is not selfish to ask for pleasure for yourself. A lot of guys get off on giving pleasure to women. And, if you are getting your full pleasure, you are going to go wild in the sack and really pay them back. For example, I'm a great cock sucker anytime of the day, but if I'm sucking cock while simultaneously orgasming, whoo hooo! Husband loves it.
____________________________________________________

Anyone else want to speak up about this? I'd especially love to hear from these categories of people:

• women that feel or have felt the same way norelle does
• men that don't mind when it takes a "long time"
  
• anybody with fingers and the ability to type (let's face it, I'm a comment whore)
  

A woman's capacity to orgasm

There's this post about orgasms that I have been meaning to write but just have not gotten around to. Then, within the space of a week I had two questions about orgasms from two different readers. So I guess it's time to write about orgasms!

The first question came in my comment section from Kamo. Here's what she said:

"hey there, i found your blog last week and i love it! i've had a lot of fun going through your archives."

"i have a question about your orgasms, since you mention having multiples all the time. how long do your orgasms typically last? i can usually cum several times, but my orgasms are so long (my longest was at least a minute) that i think if i were to come 10 (or 50!) times, it would take like 3 hours. of straight cumming. which would be amazing, but probably not possible without going to the hospital afterwards, lol! there are so many various types of orgasms and i was just wondering what you experience when they're so rapid-fire!"

Well, kamo, thanks so much! It's always nice to hear that people like my blog and I LOVE to answer reader questions.

For background for the rest of you, I have written about times when husband has given me multiple, multiple orgasms - sometimes as many as 50 or 60. Well, that's my best guess anyway because I somehow just couldn't be bothered to actually count at the time. I talk about multiple orgasms in this post from my archives.

These days, husband and I don't always go for the high numbers. Typically, I orgasm three or four times before intercourse, sometimes more, and up to three times or so during penetration. That number goes up and down, depending on our mood and the situation.

However, from past experiences, I know I have the capacity to orgasm over and over and over again. As far as I know, the number of times I could orgasm is only limited by time and physical stamina.

And, as you said Kamo, “there are so many various types of orgasms”. That is so true. I have many different types of orgasms, sometimes in the same session of lovemaking. Some are stronger than others, some I feel all over my body, some are more localized to my mona.

Secondly, I’m only one woman. I can only talk about what happens to me when I orgasm. It sounds like you and I might have very different types of orgasms. That’s why I want to open this up to other women to talk about their experiences.

In the meantime, here's what happens to me. My first orgasm is typically the most difficult to reach. It takes time and effort. While it all feels good, and I spend a lot of time moaning, I don't count it as an actual orgasm until that explosive feeling that takes over my whole body. It's hard to describe, but it's an unmistakable feeling.

After that first orgasm, I usually orgasm much more easily and quickly. They just roll out of my body, one right after another. Some are more intense than others.

Shay from the S Spot describes what's probably happening to me in this post about multiple orgasms. According to her answer to a reader question, researchers videotaped a woman having multiple orgasms in a clinical setting.

In this post Shay says:

"After going through around 30 male assistants and 50 orgasms, the female participant was said to have been tired but still ready for more."

She goes on to say:

"This feat may have been achieved through skimming. Orgasms are usually described as peaks and valleys of waves. Women who are able to achieve multiple orgasms often skim the surface of these waves; the peaks and valleys they experience will not be as extreme but it will still feel very good."

That sounds a lot like what happens to me. Sometimes it can be difficult to tell when one orgasm ends and another starts. Other times the change in feeling is very distinct and intense. Sometimes that first orgasm is the most intense and the rest just feel really good. Other times there's this monster orgasm lurking in there that I have no idea is coming. The only thing that is consistent is the lack of consistency - it's always a surprise what's going to happen next.

With that I will leave it to my readers. Can anyone out there add anything to what I have said about multiple orgasms? What about orgasms like Kamo's, ones that last a long time? I'm looking forward to learning more, as always.

Just fuck already, part II

This story is continued from here.

With tears still drying on my face, husband led me into the bedroom. I didn’t feel very sexy at that point, but I knew it would be pointless and stupid to argue.

Hard husband pulled off my shirt and laid me down on the bed. He began playing with my nipples and kissing me. It’s amazing how quickly I switched to on. It didn’t take long for husband to reach for my jeans button. I helped him remove the rest of my clothing.

I was already so wet. It felt so good just to lay there and soak up the attention.

We lay side by side, with his one arm around me, his other hand pleasuring my sweet spot. I spread my legs to him, wider, wider. I moaned softly in his ear.

It’s not often that I lay back and just let husband pleasure me. Usually, we have a bit of an unspoken contest to see who can give the other more in bed. It leads to a lot of wild, panting, generous sex.

This time, I let him do the work. He used his fingers expertly, sometimes swirling, sometimes moving straight up and down. He kept me lubricated with my own natural juices.

I don’t know how long we laid there. I wanted it to last forever. I wanted that delicious ending.

Finally, I could feel the final bliss building. My moaning increased tempo and volume. Husband sensed my need and began moving his fingers with incredible speed and strength.

The feeling in my mona built and built and built and built and …

Everything exploded.

After that there was more. I showed my gratitude to hard husband with every lick, every muscle, every move I have in my book of tricks.

We fucked until we were an exhausted pile of happy lying sideways on the bed.

Two days later, all those things are a blur. What I do remember, however, is husband’s calm patience. His generosity. His healing touch.

Just fuck already

If you couldn't tell from the lack of posting in the last few days, things have been a little crazy at the dirty filthy princess house. I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and I just haven't felt like blogging. Hard husband has been fairly stressed out from his job as well.

It's been a little bit the same way with sex. Intellectually, we both always want sex. We know once we start we'll be SO glad we did. But sometimes we lack that enthusiasm, the momentum necessary to start.

On Tuesday, the day after we returned from our weekend trip, both hard husband and I felt a little lazy. Husband was set to work a night shift that night, leaving plenty of time to relax, hang out together and have sex. Except, as the day wore on that sex part just wasn't happening.

What I should have done is just seduce him or grab his arm and haul him off to the bedroom or the shower or just crawl underneath his computer desk. Instead, I sort of passively mentioned it a couple of times.

"I want to have sex before you leave for work tonight," I said.

then, a few hours later:

"We should have sex."

How sexy is that? I mean, oh baby turn me on!

When my weak attempts failed to ignite a fire in hard husband, I finally snapped. There was crying. I got all girly and insecure. I even strayed into the crazy and speculated that perhaps I wasn't attractive to him anymore. I know it's not true, but when I need to get fucked, I really need to get fucked!

We talked about what had gone wrong. Husband soothed my hurt feelings. We talked some more.

Finally, husband was done talking. He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me off to the bedroom. Of course, neither of us was really "in the mood" at that point, but if sometimes you just have to make your own mood.

And it didn't take long, either. Even though we didn't start out feeling ragingly horny, we sure arrived in hornytown. A little kissing, a little stroking a little groping and all of a sudden lazy and stressed out and crying were all miles away.

Afterward, we talked about how much better we both felt.

"What did we learn?" I asked hard husband.

"Just fuck already," he said. "Don't talk about it. Just fuck."

Amen to that.

*continued here ...

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 8

This week's Waiting for it Wednesday is getting posted a *bit* late in the day. Sorry about that, folks, especially to this week's interviewee. Without further ado:

Now we will hear from feminist virgin. She's 23 years old and is currently exploring an attraction she has felt to women. Go to her blog to read more about it.

DFP: Tell us why you are still a virgin.

Feminist virgin: That's not an easy question. Multiple factors, I suppose. I didn't date in high school and relationships in college tended to begin with a random hook-up which I wasn't interested in. Now that I'm out of college I'm pretty insecure about my inexperience. Not to mention I grew up around some pretty messed up heterosexual relationships that I think have made me pretty skeptical of relationships in general, but I know I don't want to have sex the first time without being in some sort of relationship. So I guess it's kind of a Catch-22 there. There's lots of Catch-22s involved with why I'm still a virgin.

DFP: How much longer or for what would you like to wait?

Feminist virgin: At this point, I think I'm just waiting for someone I can trust. Someone I can trust to understand my situation, to not make me feel comfortable, safe and respected, and to not completely change the way they think about me based on the simple fact that I'm a virgin. Waiting for "true love" or anything like that isn't really in the cards for me anymore. It was at one time but I think I've become more realistic. Some people may look at it as if I've lowered my standards, but I don't see it that way. Fucking some guy that picks me up at a bar would be lowering my standards, waiting for "true love" or "the one" would be holding out for something that very well may
never happen for me. So I guess I'm somewhere in the middle.

DFP: What are the benefits of remaining a virgin to this point? Negatives?

Feminist virgin: Well, I have no regrets about losing my virginity in a way that I wouldn't want to. That's a real benefit. I also think I've had a lot of opportunity to figure out who I am and to build an identity that doesn't revolve around my relationships with men, either physically or emotionally. As for negatives, well, damn, I'm missing out! I'm horny and I'm getting no action. Not to mention, my relations with men have become even more strained in the past couple years because
I'm hyper-conscious of my virginity and the role that might play in a relationship.

DFP: Have you ever felt awkward or embarrassed about your virginity?

Feminist virgin: If not on a daily basis, at least on a weekly basis.

DFP: Do you tell people you are a virgin or do you tend to keep it a secret? Have you ever lied about it?

Feminist virgin: The friends that I grew up with and my close friends from college know that I'm a virgin. But it's not something I generally tell people. I don't believe I've every actually directly lied about it. I think if someone outrightly asked me if I was a virgin, I would tell the truth. More often, I tend to skirt around the issue and be very vague about my sexual history.

DFP: Do you know anyone else that has remained a virgin past 18?

Feminist virgin: Yes. A few of my girlfriends from college are also still virgins, but only one that I feel comfortable talking to about these kinds of issues. But even having that one person has made life a heck of a lot easier.

DFP: What is the average age you think most people give up their virginity in today's society?

Feminist virgin: My guess is around 16.

DFP: When and if you have children, will you advise them to wait? Why or why not?

Feminist virgin: Wow, that's a tough question. My mom and I talk about most everything, but sex is one thing we rarely discuss. I know my mother waited until marriage. But then that marriage ended very bitterly 12 years later. Did she waste her sex life? I don't know, maybe. My mom hopes that I'll wait for marriage, but I don't think she's exactly expecting me to. I wouldn't really want my daughter to be in the position I'm in now, nor would I want her to lose her virginity when she was too young and regret it later. But I think the age for being ready to have sex is different for everyone and I would encourage my daughter to really take her time to decide when she's ready.

DFP: According to your blog, at least one guy might have lost interest in you after learning you were a virgin? Why do you think that is?

Feminist virgin: I think the idea of a woman still being a virgin my age is like a red flag for guys. Maybe they think we have deep rooted sexual hang-ups, or that we're prudish, or that we'll back out at the last second. Or maybe they'd just prefer to not deal with the emotion that tends to be involved with the first time. Or maybe they would just rather have sex that will be good the first time rather than having patience necessary for someone who is so inexperienced.

DFP: What message do you have for guys like him?

Feminist virgin: First, I want to say that I have no proof that he lost interest in my because I'm a virgin. It's just a hunch I got that could totally be due to my insecurity rather than any shred of truth. That being said, I would like any guy that has gotten scared away by a woman's virginity to put aside that issue for a moment and think about how you connect as people. If there's a connection, shouldn't that be reason enough to put in a little extra effort or take a risk? If, on the other hand, you feel no connection and were just looking for a quick fuck, then we definitely shouldn't waste each other's time any longer.

DFP: Would you agree with the Salon article that you pointed out to me, that being a virgin at an older age is a curse?

Feminist virgin: I think if you're waiting for marriage then not so much. But if you're like me and you're not waiting for anything in particular, just a good, safe, comfortable situation, then yeah, I think it is a bit of a curse. Because the older I get, it seems the less likely I am to find such a situation.

Here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

May 23: Mary, a 31-year-old married female. She and her husband have only had sex with each other and have a great sex life.

May 30: Marlea, a 29-year-old woman that recently had sex for the first time with her long-distance boyfriend.

Following that will be the interviews from several more people. I have sent interview questions to these people:

a 47-year-old male non-virgin

a 31-year-old married woman non-virgin

a 35-year-old frustrated virgin

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

As of this moment, I still need to write interview questions for these three people:

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

and a 19-year-old virgin female that has never had a relationship

a 23-year-old currently single woman that lost her virginity at 19 with her first love

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

Growing my hair out

Hard husband and I have returned after a weekend at my parents. My 'lil sis graduated from high school this weekend.

A nice time was had by all. However, as is usually the case after a trip, I'm tired, I need to unpack and get back to work. So, I'll post something I wrote back when I was taking my blogging break.

Hair or there:

Nope, I’m not talking about hair on my mona. Not this time. I’m talking about the hair on my head.

While growing up, I had very long hair. Up until my sophomore year in high school, it was long, down to the middle of my back. Finally, after a perm-gone-wrong I had a friend chop at least half of it off. From there it got shorter, and stayed short all through college and for several years after graduation.

It was my own little rebellion against all the attitudes that I’d been raised with. That long hair = sexy or pretty or feminine. Besides, I’d reason, when my hair was long I usually just put it up in a ponytail anyway. So what’s the point?

Still, there’s no denying that I missed it from time to time. Occasionally I’d dream that I’d grown it out long again, and was finally able to shake it from side to side or sexily toss my head to get it off my face. When I woke up and realized it was just a dream, I’d always feel disappointed. It seems I’d bought into the very stereotypes I was attempting to scorn: without my long hair I felt less sexy, or pretty or feminine.

I’m not sure why, but I had it in the back of my mind that I would attempt to grow my hair out again someday. But only when I was going to be married. Sure enough, as my relationship with my now husband progressed, I started growing my hair out on a hunch. The hunch proved correct, and on our wedding day I was proud to be able to wear my hair up in a sort of French roll with curls on the top of my head.

Now, nearly four years later, my hair is nearly as long as it ever was. It reaches the middle of my back again. Another six inches or so and it will be to the top of my butt. I like to stand in front of a mirror sometimes and look at it.

Husband is proud of it too. He likes to play with it sometimes and occasionally comments on how long it is getting. If I ever mention getting it “cut” he always quickly, responds, “How much?” If I want to keep that look of fear out of his eyes, I must remember to use the word “trim” rather than “cut”.

I do plan to keep growing it out. As I told husband in the beginning, if I’m going to do this, I want to keep going until it’s really spectacular.

While I’m not promising to keep it long forever, I do really like that it makes him happy. And, who knows, maybe someday I will let him take that picture that he’s been talking about. The one where I’m naked and all that is covering my breasts is my hair.

Crime and punishment

Husband and I share an office space. The other day, I was trying to work and he was doing homework. He was having a little trouble focusing.

"I bet I can type faster than you," he said. "Want to race?"

"No," I told him. "I need to get this done."

“If you lose you have to suck my cock. If you win, you have to suck my cock,” he said.

pause

“So, either way it’s a win-win situation.”

Making it Ours: the living room, No. 3

One day late for husband's birthday, I was wide awake and ready to make up for the lack of birthday sex. Either fortunately or unfortunately, hard husband's work called him away unexpectedly.

I was taking a long leisurely bath and shaving all my relevant parts when it hit me. With husband away from the house it was the perfect opportunity to truly surprise him.

I finished bathing and began working to set the scene. I started by blowing up an air mattress we have for when company visits. I covered this with a plastic sheet I recently purchased with this particular fantasy in mind. Then I covered that with an old sheet I don't mind ruining.

Then I scattered candles around the edges of the living room, strategically placing the matchbox nearby. I set out a warmed bottle of baby oil and a spray bottle of cool water, for some warm and cold contrast. I even placed a bowl of water filled with lilac blossoms near the head of the mattress for aromatherapy.

I had planned to go to the kitchen for the next Making it Ours experience. But knowing hard husband had had a long hard week at work and an especially chaotic day today, I decided to modify my previous plan.

Then I waited. Finally, not knowing when I should expect him I called and asked him to call me when he was on his way home.

Finally, the call came. I quickly lit the candles and placed the baby oil in a bowl of warm water. Then I waited by the door with a scarf in my hands.

I could tell hard husband wasn't sure what was going on when he walked in the door.

"Why is it so hot in here?" he said, and started to walk toward the living room thermostat.

I stopped him with a hand on his arm and asked for his attention. Then I wrapped the scarf over his eyes and lead him slowly into the candlelit living room.

I undressed him down to his shirt and then realized I needed to take the scarf off to get it over his head. When the room was revealed to him I told him what was going on.

"I know you had a hard week and a bad day today so I thought I would give you a massage," I said. "Are you too stressed out for this right now?"

He assured me he wasn't and laid down, face down on the mattress, as I asked him to. Since he was hot, I sprayed a bit of the cold water on his back first and then followed it up with the baby oil. I massaged all the kinks and knots in his back, smearing baby oil from his neck to his ass. His slick body shone in the flickering candlelight.

While I rubbed his back I told him a fantasy. I could sense that he was relaxing for the first time in hours. All the things that had irritated him all day long were miles away.

"Are you feeling better, baby?" I asked him.

"Mmmm, yes," he said. "It feels good."

When I'd finished with his back, I spread baby oil over the rest of his body. I gave each part of him a massage before moving on. First the back of this thighs, lower leg and feet. Then I asked him to flip to his back and repeated the process. I rubbed his chest, arms, front of his legs and even his hands. The only area I did not cover with baby oil was his erect cock.

"I have plans for that," I told him.

Before moving on to the next phase, I leaned over and kissed him. We kissed long and lingeringly. Then, on impluse, I moved above him and kissed him from above - the way Mary Jane Watson kissed Spiderman.

After kissing him, I crawled up between his legs and began sucking and licking the only clean, dry spot on his body. He moaned in appreciation.

Then I switched to the position where I get the best angle for cock sucking, with my feet up by his head. To my surprise, husband quickly maneuvered me into a 69 position. Here I was, focusing all my attention on him and he turned the tables on me. Still, I did not protest.

By that time I was intensely turned on. Husband commented on how wet I was. Then he proceeded to lick me to an orgasm more quickly than usual. In fact, not only was it a fast orgasm, it's the fastest I've ever cum from oral sex. Following that first orgasm came at least two more. Typically it takes me much longer to climax from oral sex.

Meanwhile, I was repaying husband for his efforts with my frenzied cock sucking. The more I came, the wilder I was.

Finally, I got up and asked husband to move over to a kitchen chair I had placed in the living room. It'd covered the seat with a garbage bag - it wasn't very sexy looking but it was practical and functional. He sat his oily butt on the seat and I lowered my head to give him more oral attention.

When I was ready, I stood up and put my feet between his. I lowered myself onto his cock and began to slowly move up and down, fucking myself. Finally unable to stand it, hard husband grabbed my ass and increased my speed, causing us both to moan pleasurably.

Not wanting it to end too soon, I stepped away and motioned to the mattress. Husband grinned and motioned to his cock. I laughed and willingly knelt again, taking him in my mouth.

Finally, I moved to the mattress and laid down on my back. I handed husband the baby oil and he poured it on my chest, smearing it over my body with his hands. I enjoyed every sensation. The baby oil dripping onto my skin, the touch of his hands and finally, the contact of his skin as he lowered himself onto me.

We rubbed our bodies together, enjoying the way the oil felt on our skin. Then husband slid inside me, prompting a sharp gasp of bliss. We kissed for a while, then I tucked my face into his neck and wrapped my arms tight around him as he increased speed. I could feel baby oil getting on my face and I knew it was getting in my hair but I didn't care.

Husband brought me to one orgasm, then slowed down. Finally, he fucked me deep and hard, bringing us both to an explosive ending.

Afterward, hard husband and I headed for the showers to wash away as much baby oil as we could. We laughed and joked in a way we hadn't been able to earlier in the day due to husband's cloudy mood.

All, in all, Making it Ours No. 3 was a rousing success. And that is putting it mildly.

Happy birthday, baby

So, yesterday was a big day for me. It was husband's 31st birthday. I worked a full day and afterward executed a flawless (if I do say so myself) birthday party for hard husband.

We had a full meal with:
lasagna (prepared ahead)
French bread
fresh broccoli and cauliflower salad
a corn bake

and husband's favorite cake:
chocolate cake with homemade peanut butter frosting.

Twelve adults and three children came. We all had a very nice time.

Afterward, I had planned some special birthday sex. After our guests left (at about 9:30 p.m.) husband was on the phone with a friend (wishing him happy birthday). I laid down on our bed, fully clothed to take a breath. I was up at 6 a.m. that morning to bake the cake before work and it was a long, busy day.

You guessed it. I fell asleep. I slept in my clothes, including jeans and my bra last night, something I haven't done since I was an adolescent.

Oh well, there's always tonight for birthday sex.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 7

This week's Waiting for it Wednesday interview comes from Thalia, a 21-year-old Singaporean woman.

This is how she introduces herself:

Thalia: From my upbringing, I had always thought that I would remain a virgin till I got married. But a month shy of turning 20 a year back, I lost my virginity after a long built up. Since then, I have been sleeping with the same guy on a fairly regular basis.

What made this a tad more interesting is that he is 15 years my senior and a known player (who by the way, refused to disclose his sexual history). Which makes the chances of us getting married minimal. Was I forced into sex? Not exactly although in retrospect, I was relatively innocent back then.

I just thought that since you brought up the topic, I could share something from the perspective of a person being in a non-exclusive but not entirely without obligations relationship.

DFP: Does this mean you have the sex without the relationship part, the dating and talking on the phone, ect.?

Thalia: We got to know each other through work. So we were hanging out before sex came into the picture. I don't classify us as purely fuck buddies but we are not technically in a relationship either (I guess I would go with the term: friends with benefits). Considering we are seeing each other on a semi-regular basis, I guess we are sort of dating. And yes, marriage is out of the question but we do communicate and see each other beyond just sex (even though sex plays quite a significant part.)

DFP: Do you ever feel like you are missing out on those things by being with a player?

Thalia: Perhaps due to my age and the interesting nature of the relationship I have with the player, the impossibility of marriage is not that big a deal. The main issue I face is insecurity.

DFP: Was your first time a good or bad experience?

Thalia: I think the First is somewhat over hyped. I don't even really remember what led to the first. Just that it wasn't bad but neither was it extremely memorable.

DFP: Would you want to change anything if you could?

Thalia: More communications cos it kinda just progressed from mutual masturbation sessions. Speaking of which, I did recall telling him once (in the earlier stages of this r/s) that I wasn't able to see him in the sexual aspect when he tried to finger me.

DFP: Does it ever worry you that you might not find that normal/healthy relationship if you are involved with this guy? Do you think you might be more motivated to look for it if this guy was out of the picture?

Thalia: It did occur to me that this may hinder possibilities of me building other normal r/s(s). As for motivation, I am well aware that there is no future in this and haven't closed my doors to opportunities of getting into other positive r/s(s).

DFP: Are you glad you are no longer a virgin? Do you have any regrets?

Thalia: Nope, I have no regrets about losing my virginity.

DFP: Do you have any advice for someone that has not yet lost their virginity?

Thalia: No matter what people tell you, trust your instincts and always put your well-being above all else.

DFP: If you plan to have children, what will you tell them about having sex?

Thalia: I would educate them about sex and tell them that it is a natural order of things. They should never be pressurised by anyone into having sex. However, the setting and age to tell them that is something I have yet to think about.

DFP: What do you think is the average age that most people in today's society lose their virginity?

Thalia: Around late teens in Asian society?

DFP: You are from Singapore. What are the attitudes toward sex in that country?

Thalia: Relatively conservative. People my age are more open to talk about it. But it is always talked about in a joking way making it somewhat difficult to determine if they mean what they say or if they are just conceding with certain points raised so as to fit in.

After the main interview, Thalia and I continued on with email discussions about her relationship with the player. I was concerned with her description of the guy she was having sex with. I told her it was none of my business but just the fact that he refused to share his sexual history was scary. Here's how she responded.

Thalia: Don't worry, you didn't offend at all. I know I am engaging in something that is not healthy or normal (so to speak). After all, having to hide this from all other aspects and people in my life already speaks a lot about it. Thanks a lot for the concern.

Here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

May 16: feministvirgin, a 23-year-old female virgin.

May 23: Mary, a 31-year-old married female. She and her husband have only had sex with each other and have a great sex life.

Following that will be the interviews from several more people. In no particular order, they are:

a 29-year-old who recently lost her virginity with a man she is in a long-distance relationship with

a 47-year-old male non-virgin

a 31-year-old married woman non-virgin

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

a 35-year-old frustrated virgin

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

a 23-year-old currently single woman that lost her virginity at 19 with her first love

and a 19-year-old virgin female that has never had a relationship

I have now started the process of sending these people my questions. So if you see yourself on this list, watch for an email from me in the next few days or weeks. Once again, I will publish them in the order that I receive answers.

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

Speaking of vulvas

I'm big on search terms. I like to see how people are finding me.

After writing the below post on my vulva, it has already led somebody to my site. I mentioned to my husband that somebody found me using the search term "my vulva" and he had this to say.

"Isn't that a car?"

I started laughing. "No, that's Volvo."

"Oh, my bad," he said with a grin.

Is my vagina deformed?

Sadly enough, this is a fairly common concern for young girls or women. "Is my vagina deformed" is a search term that has led at least one person to my blog.

In fact, it's something I worried about as a child. I've written about my own concerns about my vagina, or more accurately, my vulva. I was afraid that I'd somehow stretched my pussy lips by, gasp, touching myself. Actually, in reality, my shape is natural and unique to me.

Women aren't alone in this fear. I've also read about men who have had concerns about the shape of their penis. Some curve one direction or another. Others are colored uniquely.

The thing is, everyone has their own unique look. It's nothing to be ashamed of - it should be celebrated. If all vulvas were alike, what would be the fun of that? Each one is like a present, wrapped in different gift wrapping.

I just stumbled across this Web page today, The-Clitoris.com. It's a educational Web page dedicated to women's sexual pleasure and health. There's a so much information at this Web site, I only scratched the surface so I'm not sure yet of the quality of the information there. So far it seems to contain interesting and accurate information and I plan to do more reading there.

I was happy to find a section with photographs of vulvas, which shows some of the wide variety of shapes, sizes and coloring women's pussies come packaged in. If you are not sure if you are normal, this is a good place to go.

Another issue of concern is the lack of education many people get about their own bodies. I got the basic sex education as a elementary school student but it was quick and cursory. I suppose part of the problem was that I was barely listening due to my own embarrassment.

In fact, it wasn't until very recently that I saw my own clitoris. You'd think as a sexually confident woman, that I'd know all about my own body, but I guess I just never thought to look when I was in a state of arousal.

This is how it happened: Hard husband and I had just had some rockin' good sex one day and I was giving myself a quick wash with a washcloth. On impulse, I looked down and was surprised to see the sassy way my little friend protruded.

A related site provides 3D diagrams of the clitoris, female reproductive organs, pelvis and more. I found this labeled diagram of a spread vulva particularly helpful.

I'd love to hear some reader stories about this. Did you ever wonder or worry about the shape, size or coloring of your pussy or penis? Please post your stories in the comments or email them to me at dirtyfilthyprincess (at) gmail.com.

Crossing sex off the list of discusion topics

I spent some time with one of my oldest and dearest friends this Saturday. We laughed, we said the same thing at the same time, we reconnected and felt like sisters again.

Somehow, in the course of the conversation, crazy things my mother has said or done came up. I told her a few of the same -fairly benign - stories I have told you, Internet. Such as how my mother happened to bring up oral sex and shaving.

She couldn't take it. There was a lot of face covering and horrified gasping. She swears she will never be able to look my mother in the eye again.

So I backed off. Obviously, further conversations about sex won't be possible. I won't be able to tell her about my blog. We won't be able to have honest, open discussions about our sex lives.

I'm a little sad, really. We're both married adults. She has three kids. Why is it OK to talk about everything else under the sun, but we must pretend that part of our lives does not exist?

I respect her boundaries. On the other hand, I wonder about her sexual maturity in the bedroom. If you get that embarrassed talking about sex with your best friend, does that translate over into your sex life with your husband? Or, is it possible for her to be wild, free and communicative about sex in a private situation while staying very private about it outside a sexual context?

Perhaps I'm not the best judge of this. I, obviously, broadcast my sexual details for all the Internet to see. That doesn't necessarily mean this sexblogging lifestyle is good for everyone - it's just good for me.

What do you think? Am I over analyzing her hesitancy to talk about sex? Am I wrong in wondering if that could possibly mean she is hesitant in the bedroom as well?

Freud: What a pervert, eh?

It was on this day in 1856 that Sigmund Freud was born. Happy birthday Mr. Freud.

According to this wikipedia article on Freud, he is best known for his theories of the unconscious mind, repression, transference in the therapeutic relationship and the perceived value of dreams. Of course, Freud also spent a lot of time studying sexual desire. While his work was very influential and he is often referred to as the father of psychoanalysis, his theories remain controversial and widely disputed.

Freud believed that girls followed about the same psychosexual development path as boys. However, while boys develop a "castration conflict" girls develop "penis envy".

He further speculated that children regard their mother as their first object of sexual desire. As girls mature, that changes to sexual desire of their fathers. Finally, as the girls become women and give birth, her own child takes the place of the penis that she lacks.

Freud wrote: "girls feel deeply their lack of a sexual organ that is equal in value to the male one; they regard themselves on that account as inferior and this envy for the penis is the origin of a whole number of characteristic feminine reactions."

Late in his career he did attempt to come up with a theoretical explanation specifically for psychosexual development for girls. Ultimately, he said he did not understand female sexuality and, further, didn't expect that psychology could ever explain it.

His model of psychosexual development includes five stages. He believed the oral stage lasted about from birth to 18 months, and had to do with the time in the child's life when it's pleasure came from its mouth. Interestingly, those that are characterized as orally aggressive tend to chew gum or the ends of pens. Orally passive individuals tend to enjoy smoking, eating, kissing and engaging in fellatio or cunnilingus.

Next is the anal stage, or pleasure from pooping or peeing. The phallic stage was when Freud believed the Oedipus complex, or when a boy falls in love with his mother, can present itself. The latency phase, from about age six to puberty, is when the child begins to make connections with those around him or her. Finally, the genital phase is when children develop opposite sex relationships.

(The information above was paraphrased or quoted from two wikipedia articles on Freud.)

Freud was decidedly sexist and not a little weird. Other than the oral fixation part, which I identify with, it all sounds like a lot of hooey to me. But it can't be denied that his work was ground breaking.

In fact, Freud's intense interest in topics of the taboo paved the way for countless others with the itch to study, discuss or write about things of a sexual nature. I'll even venture to guess that if Freud were alive today he might air a few of his fantasies, unconscious desires and fetishes on the Internet. Might I be as bold as to refer to him as the father of sexblogging?

So, thank you Freud. You were my kind of crazy - sex crazy.

Sucking cock the way he likes it

I like when hard husband tells me or shows me what to do in bed.

First of all, I like to be dominated. For some reason, that just excites me sexually - to know that I'm being used for his pleasure, at his whim.

Secondly, I like when he tells me what he likes. I can guess at it, read his body signals, listen for verbal cues like gasps and moans, but I love it when he comes right out and verbalizes or physically shows me.

This second one is key. I'm a very verbal person. When I'm not in bed I talk and talk and talk and talk. When I'm in bed I'm just plain loud. That's where this blog comes in handy. I can burn off some of that excess energy by communicating with you guys.

Hard husband, on the other hand, is less verbal - especially in bed. For example, last night there came a point when I knew there was something he wanted me to do but I wasn't sure what it was.

"What do you want me to do now?" I asked.

He pointed at his cock.

So, I got myself busy sucking cock. He got his point across, but something about it just struck me funny. Not one single word - just a simple point of the finger.

A few days ago, husband did something he'd never really done before. He's grasped my head while I'm sucking his cock, he's fucked my mouth, but he's never really completely took control of my motions - at least not like this.

"Let me do it," he said.

So, I relaxed my head and let him completely take over. He started very slowly, just on the tip of his cock. Then he slowly, slowly built up speed and depth.

It was definitely a learning experience. I guess, if I'd been asked to predict beforehand, what he would do, I would have said one thing - hard, deep and fast.

Don't get me wrong, I use a variety of strokes and speeds when I'm sucking his cock. I lick and even nibble a bit. Sometimes I concentrate more on his tip, sometimes I try to see how deep I can pull him inside my mouth. I swirl, I use suction, I hold still, I go fast. But I've never really done anything quite like he did.

Later on, I told him that I really liked when he took control like that. I felt like I learned something about what he likes - even after more than four years of getting to know his cock.

"I know you like it when I tell you what to do," he said.

Oh, boy do I.

That Hinder song? It's not about me.

On our trip to go visit friends, hard husband and I were listening to the radio. "Better than me" by Hinder came on.

I was speculating on the meaning of a particular line in the song. He's singing about how much he misses her lying beside him, her hair in his face "and the way your innocence tastes".

Now, perhaps some people interpreted this line to mean that her mouth and lips taste innocent when he kisses her. Me, I assume it's about oral sex.

Then I turn to husband and say, "Do you like the way my innocence tastes?"

He hesitates. His forehead wrinkles up as he thinks. I start to worry, thinking, after all this time, he's going to confirm my worst nightmare - I taste and smell like a rotting fish.

Finally, he comes out with it. "I don't think you are innocent," he says, prompting a loud outburst of laughter from me.

OK, fair enough.

Making it Ours: the bedroom (again), No. 2

This morning when I woke up, I was intensely horny. I was so horny, I found myself wiggling my hips back and forth, increasing the insistent tingly feeling between my legs with friction. It didn't take long before I was on my way to miserable.

Since hard husband had another late night at work last night, however, I didn't want to wake him up quite yet. I decided what would be a reasonable time to let him sleep and tried to occupy myself until that time.

Finally, it was time. I slipped out of my clothes in the hallway and stole quietly into our bedroom. Or at least as quietly as I could, considering I kept tripping on the things I haven't yet put away in the as-of-yet unfamiliar territory of our new bedroom. Then I went under the covers next to husband.

I let him take his time waking up. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my naked chest to his back. As he started waking up, I talked softly to him.

Finally, he was conscious. I pounced.

"Honey," I said. "I've been so horny all morning. I just can't take it anymore."

He got that twinkle in his eye I know so well. "Oh yeah?" he said.

It wasn't long before I was down under the covers, reacquainting my tongue with the softness of him. Husband flipped the covers off me and I moved down between his knees. I was loving the feeling building in my pussy just from the simple contact of my lips on his cock and I wanted to explore that feeling. I positioned myself over one of his legs and slowly began rubbing myself against his knee, increasing pressure with each movement forward and back.

Finally, I couldn't stand to tease myself that way anymore. I moved up into one of our favorite standbys, with my legs up by his head and my head buried between his legs. Husband reached up to finger my clit. I moaned deeply around his throbbing cock.

I had several orgasms that way. With each quivering in my mona, I would go wild, sucking husbands cock with abandon.

Then I requested some 69 action. His sweet tongue sent quivers of bliss through my body. I felt I never wanted to move from this spot, sucking his cock and feeling him kiss and lick my pussy.

Finally, I moved beside him on the bed. "I want you to treat me rough," I said. "I want you to show me what to do."

Husband sat up and grabbed the back of my hair. He pulled me down to the floor next to the bed.

My mouth strained to capture his cock. I moaned in pleasure as hard husband continued to pull firmly on my hair with each thrust. My whole body started to heat up, the tingling increased in between my legs. I panted and groaned with his cock in my mouth.

After several more light no-contact orgasms for me, and starting and stopping several times for him, husband changed tactics.

He abruptly pulled me up onto the bed - still holding firmly to the hair at the back of my head. I smiled in pleasure at the way he was manhandling me. I spread my legs in preparation to be fucked.

Instead of the cock I thought I was getting, instead husband dove down to show my pussy some tongue appreciation. His hands pushed my legs back, widening my spread legs, giving him full access to my throbbing clit.

I was taken completely by surprise. I moaned and screamed with abandon.

By the time husband finally did fuck me, my body was primed for some fast and hard action. I'd had multiple orgasms already, meaning husband could bring me to a final orgasm with ease.

I let my pleasure be known, loudly. I screamed. I swore. I came to a single explosive final orgasm, with husband cuming at the same time.

Afterward, we collapsed, limp noodles of bliss laying sideways on the bed. After a time, I started to tell him something I'd been thinking about lately.

"Do you know," I said, emotion catching me unawares and tears filling my eyes, "Did you know that all I want is to be with you? All I want is you, forever."

"I know," he said, kissing my forehead and touching my face. "I know."

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 6

This week's Waiting for it Wednesday interview is with Sassy, a 29-year-old reader that is a single mother. Sassy is a reader that asked to remain anonymous.

DFP: How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Sassy: I was 13. I don't really consider "losing" it...i gave it away freely, and stupidly.

DFP: Was it a good or bad experience?

Sassy: It was bad I would say. It hurt, I was scared, I lied to my parents to meet up with the guy. I had really been a "good kid" up until this point. It was physically uncomfortable and awkward...additionally there was no emotional connection and I had NO idea what to expect. Not a position you want to be in with someone you have not established trust and understanding.

DFP: Would you want to change anything if you could?

Sassy: I would not have done it. This really was the beginning of a very long stretch of sad, unfulfilling and frequently disappointing behavior on my part. It was my "gateway drug" if you will. I spent alot of years spiraling down. This was the first time I lied to my parents and it just got easier.

DFP: Was it with someone you were in a lasting relationship and/or married to?

Sassy: Nope...In retrospect I don't even think he was interested in me until he found out I was a virgin. In fact I don't even remember him talking to me more than a week before it all happened. We "dated" on and off for the next 2 years and then thankfully I moved away.

DFP: Are you glad you are no longer a virgin? Do you have any regrets?

Sassy: I am glad for one reason. I have a wonderful little boy. My only regret is that I didn't respect myself enough to wait.

DFP: Do you have any advice for teens today on this subject?

Sassy: WAIT!! LOL...You really have no idea how much you are emotionally impacted by having sex. The physical stuff, if you're lucky, will have a minimal impact. That "luck" factor is sure decreasing as time goes by with pregnancy, STD's and now Cervical Cancer is being linked to viruses that can be passed through sex. It's just not worth it...at your age it just won't be good enough to risk your life!!

DFP: What will you/have you told your child about having sex?

Sassy: My son is 10. He doesn't even get to date until he is 16. If he asks questions I answer them honestly. When he is a little older I will initiate conversations on the subject. The one mistake I will not repeat is not talking about sex. Sex wasn't a taboo subject in my home...but we just never talked about it. None of the "blame" rests on my parents, but I sometimes think if I had known how much it mattered to THEM that I wait I might have thought twice. In the end, I just didn't care whether I was a virgin or not...and the guy...well obviously he cared ALOT what I chose :-) So I did what made him happy.

DFP: What do you think is the average age that most people in today's society lose their virginity?

Sassy: I would say between 14 and 16. It seems as if parents have become increasingly uninvolved in monitoring their children’s activities. Not that keeping them locked up is the answer but drugs isn't the only thing to worry about them "doing" anymore!

DFP: Where are you from and what is your cultural background, such as race, religious upbringing, ect.? What impact, if any, did that have on when you first had sex?

Sassy: I am white, christian, we moved around alot (navy brat). I would tend to believe that my limited time to form friendships made me susceptible to being a people pleaser. I also hung with a faster crowd. They were lower income, mainly minorities and many of them had sex long before I did. They accepted me and that had a huge appeal at a critical age.
*editor's note: With that, I'll open it up for comments.

Also, here is the schedule for upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

May 9: Thalia, a Singaporean female who lost her virginity one month shy of her 20th birthday.

May 16: feministvirgin, a 23-year-old female virgin.

May 23: Mary, a 31-year-old married female. She and her husband have only had sex with each other and have a great sex life.

Following that will be the interviews from several more people. In no particular order, they are:

a 47-year-old male non-virgin

a 31-year-old married woman non-virgin

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

a 35-year-old frustrated virgin

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

and a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

These people requested interviews but with moving I just have not had time yet. So, now that things are settling down I plan to send them questions a.s.a.p. Once again, I will publish them in the order that I receive answers.

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

Reader question: How far is too far?

Sophie at staying single asked me, and others, a question in a comment below. I've written up an answer to the best of my ability. Considering our recent discussion on blogging etiquette, however, I also wanted to give the rest of you a chance to chime in as well.

Here's her question:

Do you find that guys approach you with suggestive or slimy comments? I wrote a chapter yesterday about getting a full bikini wax and I've been asked by 3 guys today (who I don't really know at all) whether I 'go commando' or not! I mean, can't they see that there's a time and a place for everything? Or am I simply putting myself into that situation by writing about it? Advice would be good please!!

if you get a chance could you check (chapter 8 particularly is the waxing one!) and see whether you think it warrants questions from virtual and literal strangers re the state of my waxing choices????

I'd appreciate your points of view - do i deserve questions like that or should these guys see that I've said all I'm gonna say??

Hey sophie, I'd be glad to answer your question as best I can. First off, for me, it depends on how the comment is written. If I felt uncomfortable with it I might delete it or I may just ignore it. (I'm going to assume you mean comments here, if there are people that know you are writing this blog that is a whole different ball of wax.)

I have had a few weird comments from men - I do have a sexblog after all, LOL. One guy asked me if I would send him nude pics, especially of my feet! I simply told him this wasn't that kind of blog, but thanks for trying! He never came back. Another time, I had a commenter using my comment space as sort of a slow sex chat room - he wanted to talk about sexual situations with me. I ignored his comments and he went elsewhere. I've also gotten one or two strange emails. I just deleted them.

But for the most part, I have had only respectful and friendly comments and emails from men and women alike. Perhaps that is because I write a sexblog about being in a monogamous, committed relationship? Your blog may be seen more as you being accessible because it is a blog about dating/or not dating.

Also, I have been lucky. I know of several other bloggers/sexbloggers that have had mean comments or emails from trolls.

On the other hand, I guess I think that if you are writing about your muff, people are going to feel free to talk about your muff. Even me, I'm a sexblogger and when I read the part about your shaved muff, I commented on it. I guess I think that if you put yourself out there like that, readers are going to assume they can say what they want. Heck, they might say what they want even if you don't talk about your muff either. It's the Internet!

One last thing. It may seem strange at first, the openness with which people talk about sex on the Internet. But, for me, personally, that's the best thing about the sexblogging community.

Of course, I'm not interested in strange men emailing me or commenting about me having sex with THEM, I want to talk about sex with my husband. So, while you have the right to delete comments that make you uncomfortable, and you have the right to set what makes you feel uncomfortable, I think, in a way, you are putting yourself out there for a bit of that.

I think the best tactic is to ignore or delete the comments that make you feel uncomfortable and those that are like-minded will naturally gravitate to your blog and those that want to ask you weird questions that make you uncomfortable will naturally gravitate away from your blog. The key is to not give them attention - negative or positive. Also, try not to let them bug you. Just continue on and enjoy your blog.

That's just my view, others may think differently. Hope it helps. Thanks so much for commenting and welcome to blogworld!

Now, I want to turn this over to the rest of you. What do you think of sophie's question? Please give her some advice. And if I missed the mark - feel free to correct me!