Penis spam
This is a post I have been meaning to write for a long, long time. Is it just me, or do those emails promising bigger cocks really crack you up?
I've been saving the penis emails in my spam for a long time, intending to show off my favorites. And the list just continues to grow ... and grow and grow. Hmmm, kind of like what the spam emails promise!
Finally, I came to the conclusion that no one post could contain all the merriment that is penis spam. So, here's a short list of the subject lines from penis spam that have made me giggle.
Category #1: Penis spamers with bad grammar/spelling skills.
Take this and be d;ck almighty
wonderful, now I have opportunity to drug online
Is BIG P3NIS better or not? 15x4d
You need to improve y$our litt!le friend nsyp41
B(IG P3NIS - everyone can have xpjb
Of course, You could and You shouldn't be afraid of it.
add up to 4 inches to yo%urs peni*s nwym1
do y(ou w%ant enlarg(e yo)ur P@enis ney8p
Iw as feeling lonely
The thing I love about these spammers is their confidence. Apparently, there are so many men out there wanting to increase their penis size, they don't even have to write their emails carefully.
Seriously, would you trust your dick to anyone that spells it P3NIS?
Category #2: Penis spammers that make no sense whatsoever.
Jump on her twin peaks
See her get instantly geeked
Feel her all over
America's Porniest Home Videos
Ping pong ball stuck in pussy
Release the fire in your crotch
Catergory #3: Laugh out loud funny.
Huge dimension gives increased force
More meat is what you need
Get your main love weapon bigger
Jessica Simpson benefits from it
Control your male power
Enrich it with greater volume and power!
Breathe a new life into your love organ
Express your masculinity better!
Lord of the Jungle!
Let yourself look really swell! (Oh, wait, this is a watch spammer.)
Whip out your howitzer today
Enlarge your instrument
Your bazooka will explode her
Final penetration (Sung to the tune of "The final countdown" by Europe.)
The thing between your legs can grow!
And the winner is:
The giant rose from my boxers.
The first three or so times I read this one I could not understand why there was a giant rose in his boxers. I mean, what about a giant rose says huge cock to you?
Then I realized. The GIANT rose from my boxers.
I just can't imagine that these spammers actually get customers. Sadly, however, there are men that feel they need to increase the size of their cocks. Personally, I think more people need to learn to be content with what they have, whether the temptation is cock enlargement, plastic surgery, a boob job, botox or whatever.
13 comments:
And this is why Gmail created the delete all spam one click button...
I glanced at one today that said Explode your cannon into her, or something close to that. I always wonder why they keep trying these, don't they know no one looks at them?
They don't do they?
God I hope not...
There I go posting under my real name again! sheesh, later Holly :)
Fusion
I was confused about the rose one myself. I didn't scroll down to see the explanation at this point...
I actually thought they were tyring to reach to women by using a flower...
And I now realize how dumb I just sounded :)
Most of those weird (spellings "P3NIS". etc) are to get the email past spam filters. Spelling it correctly is a one-way ticket to the junk email file.
I actually got one once that had an image of a scrawny naked cowboy (you could tell he was one because of the hat and boots)with a long, long flag pole--flag included. It was so hilarious I just had to keep it.
Hey Holly, I just tagged you, go look! (when you get a chance!)
Cheers!
"Seriously, would you trust your dick to anyone that spells it P3NIS?" ... too funny!!!
I completely agree with you. It would be great if people could become happy just as they are. For a lot of reasons that's difficult. I don't think many hetero men have a realistic idea of what a "normal" size cock looks like. After all, other than those they see in porn, how many erect penises do they see to compare themselves to. Whenever I'm with a guy who even hints around about being insecure about his cock size, we have a serious talk about this. I assure him that I AM THE EXPERT because, unless he's gay or bisexual, I've seen many more erect cocks than he has.
Of course, when I have my little body image meltdown about not measuring up to other women, he better be able to help me out too.
:)
Very funny and imaginative post! I get tons of these, but it never dawned on me to use them as a topic for a post. Luv the "Giant rose" too!
Mine certainly doesn't need surgery to get bigger. An eager mouth is enough.
I'm amused by these things as well.
The best I've seen recently is one with a subject of "WhitneyProdigiousFuckstick".
Also, I've been lurking for quite a while now, and greatly enjoying your writing. Keep up the excellent work.
The best one I've seen had the subject: Beat Her Womb With Your Rod.
I nearly died laughing.
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