Now that's a mouthful

Why is, "Do you like being my little cockwhore?" such a great phrase for dirty talk?

Because, "Uh huh!" is one of the few things I can say clearly with a mouthful of your cock.

Penis spam

This is a post I have been meaning to write for a long, long time. Is it just me, or do those emails promising bigger cocks really crack you up?

I've been saving the penis emails in my spam for a long time, intending to show off my favorites. And the list just continues to grow ... and grow and grow. Hmmm, kind of like what the spam emails promise!

Finally, I came to the conclusion that no one post could contain all the merriment that is penis spam. So, here's a short list of the subject lines from penis spam that have made me giggle.

Category #1: Penis spamers with bad grammar/spelling skills.

Take this and be d;ck almighty
wonderful, now I have opportunity to drug online
Is BIG P3NIS better or not? 15x4d
You need to improve y$our litt!le friend nsyp41
B(IG P3NIS - everyone can have xpjb
Of course, You could and You shouldn't be afraid of it.
add up to 4 inches to yo%urs peni*s nwym1
do y(ou w%ant enlarg(e yo)ur P@enis ney8p
Iw as feeling lonely

The thing I love about these spammers is their confidence. Apparently, there are so many men out there wanting to increase their penis size, they don't even have to write their emails carefully.

Seriously, would you trust your dick to anyone that spells it P3NIS?

Category #2: Penis spammers that make no sense whatsoever.

Jump on her twin peaks
See her get instantly geeked
Feel her all over
America's Porniest Home Videos
Ping pong ball stuck in pussy
Release the fire in your crotch

Catergory #3: Laugh out loud funny.
Huge dimension gives increased force
More meat is what you need
Get your main love weapon bigger
Jessica Simpson benefits from it
Control your male power
Enrich it with greater volume and power!
Breathe a new life into your love organ
Express your masculinity better!
Lord of the Jungle!
Let yourself look really swell! (Oh, wait, this is a watch spammer.)
Whip out your howitzer today
Enlarge your instrument
Your bazooka will explode her
Final penetration (Sung to the tune of "The final countdown" by Europe.)
The thing between your legs can grow!

And the winner is:

The giant rose from my boxers.

The first three or so times I read this one I could not understand why there was a giant rose in his boxers. I mean, what about a giant rose says huge cock to you?

Then I realized. The GIANT rose from my boxers.

I just can't imagine that these spammers actually get customers. Sadly, however, there are men that feel they need to increase the size of their cocks. Personally, I think more people need to learn to be content with what they have, whether the temptation is cock enlargement, plastic surgery, a boob job, botox or whatever.

Baffld? I've got just the thing..

I have a new obsession.

You know how I love to answer reader questions? I found a new Web site where I can do that anytime I get the urge.

Baffld.com is a newly-launched site where anyone can answer questions in the categories of big crush, dating, cheating, sex, dumped, hot/not, marriage or other. The tagline is "love. drama. good advice."

I, of course, go straight to the sex and sometimes the marriage categories because that's my thing. I've been checking in almost every day and there always seems to be at least a few new questions to keep me busy in my favorite categories.

The best thing about the site is that I can get my fix giving other people advice and encouragement. So far, I've written 33 answers to questions dealing with everything from inverted nipples or cock jewelry to threesomes. There was also one question concerning zoophilia that I didn't have the nerve to answer.

Once you sign up you get a nice little profile page where it shows you how many questions you've answers, comments you've made, your rating based on how many thumbs up or thumbs down people have given your answers and more. Other users can email you through the site or invite you to answer their question.

As of now, I've only asked one question. I posted the same question I asked here about women's perception of their beauty and desirability. On baffld, you can see the response I got here.

I know there are other sites where real people can get answers from other real people. (Yahoo Answers comest mind.) However, I like Baffld because it's dedicated to the type of questions I'm interested in - love and sex. If I want to know if I can freeze homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting I'll know where to go. If I'm worried that my boyfriend thinks I am too loud in bed, baffled is the place to go.

Another great thing about bafflled is that the people there seem to be very kind and encouraging. I have seen very few times when I thought the answerer was insensitive or rude. If some one is rude, or their answer is way off base, that answer can be given a thumbs down, which I have only done a few times.

Overall, I think the site is well designed and looks very clean and professional. It's fairly easy to navigate, especially after all the time I have spent there, lol. If you'd like to answer other people's questions or ask your own, I highly recommend baffld.

PS I am still interested in answering reader questions here at dirty. filthy. princess. If you have a sex-related question you'd like answered by me, please feel free to email me at dirtyfilthyprincess@gmail.com.

However, I do think baffld is a good resource as well. The difference is, if you email me you will get a personal answer straight from me. If you post it at baffld you will likely get more than one answer from different people with possibly varying opinions.

That moment

You know that moment?

The one right after a blissful climactic finale? We crawl weakly to a comfortable spot on the bed and crash.

We're laying helter skelter, wherever we land. You might be sideways, with your head on the lump of the blankets at the end of the bed. I'm sideways with my head toward the top of the bed. Or, you're head up, I'm head down on the bed. My hand is on your foot.

We breathe. Laugh weakly.

Yeah, that moment. I love that moment.

Profound thought

All women wish they were more beautiful and desirable than they are.

All woman are more beautiful and desirable than they think they are.

Do you agree? Disagree?

Naked

I like the way your eyes light up when you see me naked.

Sometimes I brush my teeth in the buff, just so when you walk by me you will do a double take. Even if you are about to leave for work, you slow down, come near. It's like a siren call you cannot ignore.

"You're naked," you say, and you get this intense look in your eye.

"Boobie," you say, and you squeeze one.

Even if we both know we're not going to take it anywhere, it's nice to watch you notice my naked body. It's not the same naked body you married. It's pudgier in places. It's jigglier in spots. But it still grabs your attention.

I like the way you react when you touch my skin under the covers.

Sometimes I sleep naked or nearly naked, just to get you going. You wrap your arms around my body and find skin where you expected to find flannel pajama bottoms.

I get cold easily so it's not often that I sleep sans PJs. I wear those shorts you love, the ones with the wide, loose legs that don't cover my ass when I'm laying down. They tend to inch up or at least allow easy access to your hands.

The next thing I know you're not just putting your arm around me anymore. You're pressing down, urgently, on my skin. You're roaming my body, legs, back, ass, stomach, breasts. You pull me to you. I can feel your cock pressing into my ass. You sound different, like a man about to eat a long overdue meal.

I like the way you like me naked.