Waiting for it Wednesday No. 26

Rae, a 23-year-old, identifies herself as a virgin extrodinaire. She blogs about life and sex at Always on.

Unfortunately, I was a very bad blogger and never got her interview posted. I've had it for months but since it arrived right after I started my new job it got lost in the mix. If I did something like this to you, first off, I am sorry. Secondly, email me and I will do what I can to right the wrong.

Anyway, back to Rae's interview. Here are her answers.

DFP: I liked your answer, that you are a Virgin extraordinaire. Tell me more.

I use the title "Virgin Extraordinaire" sort of tongue-in-cheek, but it's fairly accurate too. I think I call myself that for a couple reasons--mainly because I'm not just a virgin, but truly a virgin of anything remotely sexual beyond second base (if I can use that classic baseball analogy for a moment). I haven't gone down on a guy, or had a guy go down on me. No hand-jobs, nothing. But, I'm also fascinated by sex in all its incarnations. I talk about it with friends (and sometimes not-quite-friends), I research things if I want to know more about them--I have an almost freaky knowledge about sex (frankly, I'm kind of pervy--in a good way). My best friends fairly regularly ask me about random information on sex, even though I don't have the practical experience that they have.

You said "it's nice to have someplace that addresses that without the idea that a) if you're still a virgin you're a freak or b) if you're still a virgin you must be one of those religious folks. I'm neither."

So, if you are not religiously motivated, what are your reasons for still being a virgin?

I think it had previously just been a lack of options. I have been "propositioned" a few times, but never in a situation where I was going to except (i.e., utter drunkenness, didn't know the guy much—or at all, the guy was dating a friend of mine—and he was frankly just lucky he didn't get injured, etc.). But I think in the last couple of years it has been that I just don't want to throw myself into it if only to "get rid" of the stigma.

What situation are you waiting for?

Fireworks, angels singing the "Hallelujah Chorus." The usual. ;-) I have previously though, "Damn, the next time I have the opportunity...!" because it can be very frustrating dealing with the stigma of "virgin." But I always have known that I won't just say, "Yes" at the first opportunity. I don't necessarily want to wait until after marriage, but I have a fairly "traditional" streak and a HUGE romantic streak. So, a really big part of me wants to wait until I at least find the guy that I really think I will marry. Maybe I read too many historical romances where the women are always virgins when they have sex with the guy they end up marrying, but really? I think it's romantic, I think it's sort of sexy to be with only one guy. I know that I need that relationship, and I definitely need some love in my life. I've waited this long I might as well wait for someone pretty damned special! :-)

You mentioned the word freak. Have you had experiences where people have acted like you were a freak because you are a virgin or is that just a general observation?

I probably get more of the "religious" than the "freak." I don't talk about it in the first person much, but when I bring up the idea of virginity I get a lot of people who consider virgins to be very naïve or pitiable, or unable to comprehend some great secret of life. It's very odd, and a bit insulting. I'm more comfortable with sex than a lot of my friends, and discussing sex in its many and varied forms. Just because I haven't actually had sex doesn't make me naive or ignorant. I think my friends' opinions have changed a little the longer I am a virgin though—I know the thoughts come from a good place, but sometimes they try and push me towards getting laid. I think they worry that I'm very lonely or unhappy about being a virgin—and while I have occasionally felt like that, I've become more complacent/comfortable in the last couple years so now I just think, "It will happen when it's right and when I want it to." I'm okay with that.

Have you told anyone that you are a virgin?

My closest friends know. I don't necessarily hide it, but because I talk very openly and frankly about sex (probably a little too openly and frankly for some people) most people would never imagine that I'm a virgin--the most recent person I told was completely shocked. She couldn't believe how sexually frank I was, partially because she is not comfortable talking about sex much. I guess talking about it so much is a bit of a way for me to hide it, but I don't consciously try to keep it from people. I've never once lied outright about it, in fact I'm sort of becoming more and more proud of the fact than anything!

You said you are single. How much dating have you done in the past?

I haven't dated much. In fact, I just began a relationship (a very long distance relationship) which we can thank the blogging world for, because that is how I met him. We haven't met, but I would definitely put him in the boyfriend category. And he's the first one I would consider as "boyfriend." I sort of stopped trying after college, which I like better—I've never been one of those women who needs to have a boyfriend, although I have had times when I've really wanted one. But, I think it's made me more independent, and I know myself better because of that. That's what I sort of like about this new relationship, it's really easing me into the whole relationship world since I haven't been exposed to it much before now

Do you have any fears or unanswered questions about your first time having sex?

Not really. Honestly, besides "Virgin Extraordinaire" I usually say I'm the most sexually active virgin I've met. I have toys, I have very regular orgasms—I'm probably more comfortable with my sexuality than some other people I know who are having sex. I just haven't had sex with a guy. I do sort of fear the following possibilities, either a) it will be so awful that I will be absolutely devastated, or b) it will be so great that I'll end up a sex addict. Those fears really only rear their heads when I'm feeling particularly melodramatic though...although I can always hope it will be more the latter! I think I'll like it just fine, because I know I'll have weeded out the guys who are not willing to pay attention to me and my pleasure.

Was your sex ed as a child sufficient and where did it come from? Parents, school?

I think my sex ed was fairly sufficient. I never had the "birds and bees" talk with my parents, although my mom gave me "What's Happening To My Body Book for Girls," which was awkward at the time, but a good reference. I went to a Catholic elementary school and we had sex-ed (separate from the boys of course) in 5th grade. That was pretty non-helpful (and while I thought I was being helpful, my teacher did not appreciate my offer that we use that book my mom gave me). We've had Internet ever since I can remember, so if I really had a question I looked it up. By the time I was sixteen I was pretty okay with my sexuality--I felt a little naughty about masturbation, but it has never been "dirty" to me. Cosmo probably helped with that, in fact. :-)

That's about it, I guess. The older I've gotten (I know, 24 is so old) the less insecure I am, so I think that makes me feel better about my virginity, when in the past it's been a serious source of insecurity. I don't repress my sexuality because I'm not having sex—and I think I'm armed with enough knowledge in my arsenal to hopefully be more comfortable than some virgins are during their first times.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 25

Back by popular demand is Waiting for it Wednesday. I haven't done this in a while but I have received some emails about it lately. So, I revamped my WFIW submission requirements and am now posting my first interview.

G, a 22-year-old reader answered my questions. He is not a virgin.

DFP: First off, give us your definition of a virgin.

G: Someone who hasn't had vaginal sex yet. 40-year-old virgin style. Strictly speaking, being a virgin does not necessarily encompass having done all manner of things except for vaginal sex, but I guess according to current social opinion and precepts, that's what I'm basing my definition on.

DFP: In general, where do you think the concept of waiting for marriage is in society?

G: In US society, I would say it's all over the place. There are some people who get married as soon as they're legally allowed to, and there are those who won't settle down until they've accomplished what they wanted in their careers.

DFP: Tell us about your first time having sex, including how old you were at the time. Was it with someone you were in a committed relationship with?

G: I was 19, and really nervous. I had just started seeing someone (whom I would go on to be with for the next 2 1/2 years).

DFP: Was it a good experience? Is there anything you regret about it?

G: It was a very good experience. I wasn't her first, but I think she had some preconceived notions of how I'd be, and I threw her for a loop. The first time took awhile because the bed we were on was angled much too high. It did a lot for her, but it kept me from going over the edge. Subsequent sessions showed her just how much a virgin could teach her. I temporarily paralyzed her thumb and chin using only my fingers-it's something I'm pretty proud of, considering it was only my second time with her.

DFP: Looking back, do you feel you were ready to have sex at that time?

G: I don't know if I was ready to have sex or not, but it's certainly not something I regret.

DFP: Is there anything you wish you had known before you had sex?

G: ALWAYS make sure she cleans up after sex, especially when using condoms. UTI's (Urinary tract infections) are no fun.

DFP: Has your upbringing, cultural background or religious beliefs, if any, had an impact about your past or present attitudes on sex?

G: My opinion on sex is my own. I can't say that any part of my upbringing has influenced my views on it.

DFP: How important is sex to you in a relationship?

G: Very. It's what keeps people connected. As long as each person is comfortable with the other and what is going on, sex is mutually enjoyable. It allows you to let the other person know just how you feel about them, even if you can't verbalize or express it in another way.

DFP: Do you have children? What do you think children should learn about sex and at what age?

G: I don't think I have any children. If I do, I need to have a serious talk with my ex. As much as it is a personal choice to have sex, it's certainly not something that should be done during the early to mid teenage years, especially not irresponsibly. Sex Ed in schools worked for me, but maybe it was because I actually paid attention in class. I know others didn't, and last I heard, they dropped out of school and had a kid. I don't think the concept of teaching abstinence works though. Scaring them into thinking that having sex at a young age is a sin or whatever won't overcome the inevitable physical attraction to one another. We as humans, are relatively base creatures. When we have a desire for something, it's really hard to have the willpower to overcome it. In today's world of instant gratification, teaching abstinence does not fit the social model anymore. So I think teaching safe, responsible sex is more of the way to go. Kids will do it anyway, so they might as well do it right.

DFP: Any advice for someone that has not yet lost their virginity?

G: Don't give in to peer pressure. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable being so close with another human being. Sex is just sex, which is purely physical, but if you add mutual emotion into the mix, that's a high you'll never want to come down from.

DFP: Why did you want to participate in Waiting for it Wednesday?

G: Holly the DFP has a very good site. I understood what she meant when she described all of her emotions about sex. So in return for good reading, I thought I'd participate.

Waiting for it Wednesday submission requirements

Are 18 years or older and interested in the topic of virginity? Would you would you like to be interviewed for my weekly feature, "Waiting for it Wednesday"?

For simplicity's sake, the categories are:

1. Waiting for it Wednesday interviews for virgins

2. Waiting for it Wednesday interviews for non-virgins

Click on the appropriate category to find a list of questions.

Let it out

When Chad and I first started fooling around, I counted myself lucky if I could get any verbal responses from him. I counted up the compliment of every moan, sigh and gasp.

I, on the other hand, moaned, shrieked, squawked like a bird, giggled, hooted and made all sorts of undignified noises. I showed my pleasure without restraint. He subscribed to a much more stoic philosophy.

This mirrored our reactions to more than just sex, of course. I've always reacted to life with more intensity. He is more steady, less inclined to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Neither way of being is better than the other - just different.

Recently, however, I've noticed a change in my beloved husband's reactions. He's more willing to make his pleasure known in the bedroom.

I'm kneeling on the floor in front of him, worshiping. At first contact to his swollen skin, he gasps. He strains forward at the waist, asking, begging for more, without words.

He's not wordless for long, however. "That feels so good," he sighs.

I scrunch myself down below his soft sack and lick the textured underside. He moans as my tongue reaches deeper and strokes further outward on each trip.

I lick up, up, up to his red purple tip. My tongue circles it, feeling the round ridge. He exhales raggedly.

Then I slide my mouth down around his shaft. He inhales sharply. I slide and and down spreading a slick layer of wet, slipping my mouth up and and down faster and faster. His response mimics my movements.

Without warning I change it up. My mouth corkscrews sideways, base to tip. My head swivels wildly, not giving him a chance to get used to a rhythm.

He groans in pleasure. His hand grips my shoulder, head back, every nerve alive. He holds out as long as he can, enduring delicious agony. Finally, he has to pull away.

I watch him. Waiting.

My eyes stray to his cock. It is mottled pink, red, purple. It is engorged - straining upward in an arch.

He's focused on delaying the enviable. Prolonging the pleasure.

When he's under control, he moves back toward me ever so slightly. I dive at the opening, engulfing him with my mouth. His sounds let me know it is much appreciated.

Then he's ready to enter me. He pushes me forward onto the bed, on my hands and knees before him. We both gasp as he slides inside. Our groans of pleasure intertwine.

"You feel amazing," he groans. His hands grip my hips lightly, caressing my skin.

I open myself to him, asking for more. He's thrusting forward and I'm thrusting back onto him. We rock back and forth, our movements keeping time with our ragged breathing.

As my moaning peaks, he lets himself go. Bodies slapping, muscles tense, we ride the wave to the end. He lets loose with a deep vibrating groan.

Spankings for a good girl

I've had a bad week or two. I lost my mom's cell phone. I misplaced my ATM card.

Our one car ran low on gas so I switched to the other car, which is now low on gas. This is a habit my husband isn't thrilled with. And I would fill the cars up gladly, but, as you remember, I misplaced my ATM card.

Chad and I were talking about my recent lack of responsibility. I was being hard on myself and he had this to say:

"If you don't start doing things right around here I'm going to stop spanking you during sex," he said.

He always knows how to lighten the mood. Plus, that's not a half bad motivator.