Dirty. Filthy. Princess.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 26

2008-05-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

Rae, a 23-year-old, identifies herself as a virgin extrodinaire. She blogs about life and sex at Always on.

Unfortunately, I was a very bad blogger and never got her interview posted. I've had it for months but since it arrived right after I started my new job it got lost in the mix. If I did something like this to you, first off, I am sorry. Secondly, email me and I will do what I can to right the wrong.

Anyway, back to Rae's interview. Here are her answers.

DFP: I liked your answer, that you are a Virgin extraordinaire. Tell me more.

I use the title "Virgin Extraordinaire" sort of tongue-in-cheek, but it's fairly accurate too. I think I call myself that for a couple reasons--mainly because I'm not just a virgin, but truly a virgin of anything remotely sexual beyond second base (if I can use that classic baseball analogy for a moment). I haven't gone down on a guy, or had a guy go down on me. No hand-jobs, nothing. But, I'm also fascinated by sex in all its incarnations. I talk about it with friends (and sometimes not-quite-friends), I research things if I want to know more about them--I have an almost freaky knowledge about sex (frankly, I'm kind of pervy--in a good way). My best friends fairly regularly ask me about random information on sex, even though I don't have the practical experience that they have.

You said "it's nice to have someplace that addresses that without the idea that a) if you're still a virgin you're a freak or b) if you're still a virgin you must be one of those religious folks. I'm neither."

So, if you are not religiously motivated, what are your reasons for still being a virgin?

I think it had previously just been a lack of options. I have been "propositioned" a few times, but never in a situation where I was going to except (i.e., utter drunkenness, didn't know the guy much—or at all, the guy was dating a friend of mine—and he was frankly just lucky he didn't get injured, etc.). But I think in the last couple of years it has been that I just don't want to throw myself into it if only to "get rid" of the stigma.

What situation are you waiting for?

Fireworks, angels singing the "Hallelujah Chorus." The usual. ;-) I have previously though, "Damn, the next time I have the opportunity...!" because it can be very frustrating dealing with the stigma of "virgin." But I always have known that I won't just say, "Yes" at the first opportunity. I don't necessarily want to wait until after marriage, but I have a fairly "traditional" streak and a HUGE romantic streak. So, a really big part of me wants to wait until I at least find the guy that I really think I will marry. Maybe I read too many historical romances where the women are always virgins when they have sex with the guy they end up marrying, but really? I think it's romantic, I think it's sort of sexy to be with only one guy. I know that I need that relationship, and I definitely need some love in my life. I've waited this long I might as well wait for someone pretty damned special! :-)

You mentioned the word freak. Have you had experiences where people have acted like you were a freak because you are a virgin or is that just a general observation?

I probably get more of the "religious" than the "freak." I don't talk about it in the first person much, but when I bring up the idea of virginity I get a lot of people who consider virgins to be very naïve or pitiable, or unable to comprehend some great secret of life. It's very odd, and a bit insulting. I'm more comfortable with sex than a lot of my friends, and discussing sex in its many and varied forms. Just because I haven't actually had sex doesn't make me naive or ignorant. I think my friends' opinions have changed a little the longer I am a virgin though—I know the thoughts come from a good place, but sometimes they try and push me towards getting laid. I think they worry that I'm very lonely or unhappy about being a virgin—and while I have occasionally felt like that, I've become more complacent/comfortable in the last couple years so now I just think, "It will happen when it's right and when I want it to." I'm okay with that.

Have you told anyone that you are a virgin?

My closest friends know. I don't necessarily hide it, but because I talk very openly and frankly about sex (probably a little too openly and frankly for some people) most people would never imagine that I'm a virgin--the most recent person I told was completely shocked. She couldn't believe how sexually frank I was, partially because she is not comfortable talking about sex much. I guess talking about it so much is a bit of a way for me to hide it, but I don't consciously try to keep it from people. I've never once lied outright about it, in fact I'm sort of becoming more and more proud of the fact than anything!

You said you are single. How much dating have you done in the past?

I haven't dated much. In fact, I just began a relationship (a very long distance relationship) which we can thank the blogging world for, because that is how I met him. We haven't met, but I would definitely put him in the boyfriend category. And he's the first one I would consider as "boyfriend." I sort of stopped trying after college, which I like better—I've never been one of those women who needs to have a boyfriend, although I have had times when I've really wanted one. But, I think it's made me more independent, and I know myself better because of that. That's what I sort of like about this new relationship, it's really easing me into the whole relationship world since I haven't been exposed to it much before now

Do you have any fears or unanswered questions about your first time having sex?

Not really. Honestly, besides "Virgin Extraordinaire" I usually say I'm the most sexually active virgin I've met. I have toys, I have very regular orgasms—I'm probably more comfortable with my sexuality than some other people I know who are having sex. I just haven't had sex with a guy. I do sort of fear the following possibilities, either a) it will be so awful that I will be absolutely devastated, or b) it will be so great that I'll end up a sex addict. Those fears really only rear their heads when I'm feeling particularly melodramatic though...although I can always hope it will be more the latter! I think I'll like it just fine, because I know I'll have weeded out the guys who are not willing to pay attention to me and my pleasure.

Was your sex ed as a child sufficient and where did it come from? Parents, school?

I think my sex ed was fairly sufficient. I never had the "birds and bees" talk with my parents, although my mom gave me "What's Happening To My Body Book for Girls," which was awkward at the time, but a good reference. I went to a Catholic elementary school and we had sex-ed (separate from the boys of course) in 5th grade. That was pretty non-helpful (and while I thought I was being helpful, my teacher did not appreciate my offer that we use that book my mom gave me). We've had Internet ever since I can remember, so if I really had a question I looked it up. By the time I was sixteen I was pretty okay with my sexuality--I felt a little naughty about masturbation, but it has never been "dirty" to me. Cosmo probably helped with that, in fact. :-)

That's about it, I guess. The older I've gotten (I know, 24 is so old) the less insecure I am, so I think that makes me feel better about my virginity, when in the past it's been a serious source of insecurity. I don't repress my sexuality because I'm not having sex—and I think I'm armed with enough knowledge in my arsenal to hopefully be more comfortable than some virgins are during their first times.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 25

2008-05-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Back by popular demand is Waiting for it Wednesday. I haven't done this in a while but I have received some emails about it lately. So, I revamped my WFIW submission requirements and am now posting my first interview.

G, a 22-year-old reader answered my questions. He is not a virgin.

DFP: First off, give us your definition of a virgin.

G: Someone who hasn't had vaginal sex yet. 40-year-old virgin style. Strictly speaking, being a virgin does not necessarily encompass having done all manner of things except for vaginal sex, but I guess according to current social opinion and precepts, that's what I'm basing my definition on.

DFP: In general, where do you think the concept of waiting for marriage is in society?

G: In US society, I would say it's all over the place. There are some people who get married as soon as they're legally allowed to, and there are those who won't settle down until they've accomplished what they wanted in their careers.

DFP: Tell us about your first time having sex, including how old you were at the time. Was it with someone you were in a committed relationship with?

G: I was 19, and really nervous. I had just started seeing someone (whom I would go on to be with for the next 2 1/2 years).

DFP: Was it a good experience? Is there anything you regret about it?

G: It was a very good experience. I wasn't her first, but I think she had some preconceived notions of how I'd be, and I threw her for a loop. The first time took awhile because the bed we were on was angled much too high. It did a lot for her, but it kept me from going over the edge. Subsequent sessions showed her just how much a virgin could teach her. I temporarily paralyzed her thumb and chin using only my fingers-it's something I'm pretty proud of, considering it was only my second time with her.

DFP: Looking back, do you feel you were ready to have sex at that time?

G: I don't know if I was ready to have sex or not, but it's certainly not something I regret.

DFP: Is there anything you wish you had known before you had sex?

G: ALWAYS make sure she cleans up after sex, especially when using condoms. UTI's (Urinary tract infections) are no fun.

DFP: Has your upbringing, cultural background or religious beliefs, if any, had an impact about your past or present attitudes on sex?

G: My opinion on sex is my own. I can't say that any part of my upbringing has influenced my views on it.

DFP: How important is sex to you in a relationship?

G: Very. It's what keeps people connected. As long as each person is comfortable with the other and what is going on, sex is mutually enjoyable. It allows you to let the other person know just how you feel about them, even if you can't verbalize or express it in another way.

DFP: Do you have children? What do you think children should learn about sex and at what age?

G: I don't think I have any children. If I do, I need to have a serious talk with my ex. As much as it is a personal choice to have sex, it's certainly not something that should be done during the early to mid teenage years, especially not irresponsibly. Sex Ed in schools worked for me, but maybe it was because I actually paid attention in class. I know others didn't, and last I heard, they dropped out of school and had a kid. I don't think the concept of teaching abstinence works though. Scaring them into thinking that having sex at a young age is a sin or whatever won't overcome the inevitable physical attraction to one another. We as humans, are relatively base creatures. When we have a desire for something, it's really hard to have the willpower to overcome it. In today's world of instant gratification, teaching abstinence does not fit the social model anymore. So I think teaching safe, responsible sex is more of the way to go. Kids will do it anyway, so they might as well do it right.

DFP: Any advice for someone that has not yet lost their virginity?

G: Don't give in to peer pressure. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable being so close with another human being. Sex is just sex, which is purely physical, but if you add mutual emotion into the mix, that's a high you'll never want to come down from.

DFP: Why did you want to participate in Waiting for it Wednesday?

G: Holly the DFP has a very good site. I understood what she meant when she described all of her emotions about sex. So in return for good reading, I thought I'd participate.

Waiting for it Wednesday submission requirements

2008-05-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

Are 18 years or older and interested in the topic of virginity? Would you would you like to be interviewed for my weekly feature, "Waiting for it Wednesday"?

For simplicity's sake, the categories are:

1. Waiting for it Wednesday interviews for virgins

2. Waiting for it Wednesday interviews for non-virgins

Click on the appropriate category to find a list of questions.

Let it out

2008-05-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

When Chad and I first started fooling around, I counted myself lucky if I could get any verbal responses from him. I counted up the compliment of every moan, sigh and gasp.

I, on the other hand, moaned, shrieked, squawked like a bird, giggled, hooted and made all sorts of undignified noises. I showed my pleasure without restraint. He subscribed to a much more stoic philosophy.

This mirrored our reactions to more than just sex, of course. I've always reacted to life with more intensity. He is more steady, less inclined to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Neither way of being is better than the other - just different.

Recently, however, I've noticed a change in my beloved husband's reactions. He's more willing to make his pleasure known in the bedroom.

I'm kneeling on the floor in front of him, worshiping. At first contact to his swollen skin, he gasps. He strains forward at the waist, asking, begging for more, without words.

He's not wordless for long, however. "That feels so good," he sighs.

I scrunch myself down below his soft sack and lick the textured underside. He moans as my tongue reaches deeper and strokes further outward on each trip.

I lick up, up, up to his red purple tip. My tongue circles it, feeling the round ridge. He exhales raggedly.

Then I slide my mouth down around his shaft. He inhales sharply. I slide and and down spreading a slick layer of wet, slipping my mouth up and and down faster and faster. His response mimics my movements.

Without warning I change it up. My mouth corkscrews sideways, base to tip. My head swivels wildly, not giving him a chance to get used to a rhythm.

He groans in pleasure. His hand grips my shoulder, head back, every nerve alive. He holds out as long as he can, enduring delicious agony. Finally, he has to pull away.

I watch him. Waiting.

My eyes stray to his cock. It is mottled pink, red, purple. It is engorged - straining upward in an arch.

He's focused on delaying the enviable. Prolonging the pleasure.

When he's under control, he moves back toward me ever so slightly. I dive at the opening, engulfing him with my mouth. His sounds let me know it is much appreciated.

Then he's ready to enter me. He pushes me forward onto the bed, on my hands and knees before him. We both gasp as he slides inside. Our groans of pleasure intertwine.

"You feel amazing," he groans. His hands grip my hips lightly, caressing my skin.

I open myself to him, asking for more. He's thrusting forward and I'm thrusting back onto him. We rock back and forth, our movements keeping time with our ragged breathing.

As my moaning peaks, he lets himself go. Bodies slapping, muscles tense, we ride the wave to the end. He lets loose with a deep vibrating groan.

Spankings for a good girl

2008-05-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

I've had a bad week or two. I lost my mom's cell phone. I misplaced my ATM card.

Our one car ran low on gas so I switched to the other car, which is now low on gas. This is a habit my husband isn't thrilled with. And I would fill the cars up gladly, but, as you remember, I misplaced my ATM card.

Chad and I were talking about my recent lack of responsibility. I was being hard on myself and he had this to say:

"If you don't start doing things right around here I'm going to stop spanking you during sex," he said.

He always knows how to lighten the mood. Plus, that's not a half bad motivator.

Now that's a mouthful

2008-04-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

Why is, "Do you like being my little cockwhore?" such a great phrase for dirty talk?

Because, "Uh huh!" is one of the few things I can say clearly with a mouthful of your cock.

Penis spam

2008-04-21T20:10:00.001-07:00

This is a post I have been meaning to write for a long, long time. Is it just me, or do those emails promising bigger cocks really crack you up?

I've been saving the penis emails in my spam for a long time, intending to show off my favorites. And the list just continues to grow ... and grow and grow. Hmmm, kind of like what the spam emails promise!

Finally, I came to the conclusion that no one post could contain all the merriment that is penis spam. So, here's a short list of the subject lines from penis spam that have made me giggle.

Category #1: Penis spamers with bad grammar/spelling skills.

Take this and be d;ck almighty
wonderful, now I have opportunity to drug online
Is BIG P3NIS better or not? 15x4d
You need to improve y$our litt!le friend nsyp41
B(IG P3NIS - everyone can have xpjb
Of course, You could and You shouldn't be afraid of it.
add up to 4 inches to yo%urs peni*s nwym1
do y(ou w%ant enlarg(e yo)ur P@enis ney8p
Iw as feeling lonely

The thing I love about these spammers is their confidence. Apparently, there are so many men out there wanting to increase their penis size, they don't even have to write their emails carefully.

Seriously, would you trust your dick to anyone that spells it P3NIS?

Category #2: Penis spammers that make no sense whatsoever.

Jump on her twin peaks
See her get instantly geeked
Feel her all over
America's Porniest Home Videos
Ping pong ball stuck in pussy
Release the fire in your crotch

Catergory #3: Laugh out loud funny.
Huge dimension gives increased force
More meat is what you need
Get your main love weapon bigger
Jessica Simpson benefits from it
Control your male power
Enrich it with greater volume and power!
Breathe a new life into your love organ
Express your masculinity better!
Lord of the Jungle!
Let yourself look really swell! (Oh, wait, this is a watch spammer.)
Whip out your howitzer today
Enlarge your instrument
Your bazooka will explode her
Final penetration (Sung to the tune of "The final countdown" by Europe.)
The thing between your legs can grow!

And the winner is:

The giant rose from my boxers.

The first three or so times I read this one I could not understand why there was a giant rose in his boxers. I mean, what about a giant rose says huge cock to you?

Then I realized. The GIANT rose from my boxers.

I just can't imagine that these spammers actually get customers. Sadly, however, there are men that feel they need to increase the size of their cocks. Personally, I think more people need to learn to be content with what they have, whether the temptation is cock enlargement, plastic surgery, a boob job, botox or whatever.

Baffld? I've got just the thing..

2008-04-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

I have a new obsession.

You know how I love to answer reader questions? I found a new Web site where I can do that anytime I get the urge.

Baffld.com is a newly-launched site where anyone can answer questions in the categories of big crush, dating, cheating, sex, dumped, hot/not, marriage or other. The tagline is "love. drama. good advice."

I, of course, go straight to the sex and sometimes the marriage categories because that's my thing. I've been checking in almost every day and there always seems to be at least a few new questions to keep me busy in my favorite categories.

The best thing about the site is that I can get my fix giving other people advice and encouragement. So far, I've written 33 answers to questions dealing with everything from inverted nipples or cock jewelry to threesomes. There was also one question concerning zoophilia that I didn't have the nerve to answer.

Once you sign up you get a nice little profile page where it shows you how many questions you've answers, comments you've made, your rating based on how many thumbs up or thumbs down people have given your answers and more. Other users can email you through the site or invite you to answer their question.

As of now, I've only asked one question. I posted the same question I asked here about women's perception of their beauty and desirability. On baffld, you can see the response I got here.

I know there are other sites where real people can get answers from other real people. (Yahoo Answers comest mind.) However, I like Baffld because it's dedicated to the type of questions I'm interested in - love and sex. If I want to know if I can freeze homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting I'll know where to go. If I'm worried that my boyfriend thinks I am too loud in bed, baffled is the place to go.

Another great thing about bafflled is that the people there seem to be very kind and encouraging. I have seen very few times when I thought the answerer was insensitive or rude. If some one is rude, or their answer is way off base, that answer can be given a thumbs down, which I have only done a few times.

Overall, I think the site is well designed and looks very clean and professional. It's fairly easy to navigate, especially after all the time I have spent there, lol. If you'd like to answer other people's questions or ask your own, I highly recommend baffld.

PS I am still interested in answering reader questions here at dirty. filthy. princess. If you have a sex-related question you'd like answered by me, please feel free to email me at dirtyfilthyprincess@gmail.com.

However, I do think baffld is a good resource as well. The difference is, if you email me you will get a personal answer straight from me. If you post it at baffld you will likely get more than one answer from different people with possibly varying opinions.

That moment

2008-04-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

You know that moment?

The one right after a blissful climactic finale? We crawl weakly to a comfortable spot on the bed and crash.

We're laying helter skelter, wherever we land. You might be sideways, with your head on the lump of the blankets at the end of the bed. I'm sideways with my head toward the top of the bed. Or, you're head up, I'm head down on the bed. My hand is on your foot.

We breathe. Laugh weakly.

Yeah, that moment. I love that moment.

Profound thought

2008-04-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

All women wish they were more beautiful and desirable than they are.

All woman are more beautiful and desirable than they think they are.

Do you agree? Disagree?

Naked

2008-04-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

I like the way your eyes light up when you see me naked.

Sometimes I brush my teeth in the buff, just so when you walk by me you will do a double take. Even if you are about to leave for work, you slow down, come near. It's like a siren call you cannot ignore.

"You're naked," you say, and you get this intense look in your eye.

"Boobie," you say, and you squeeze one.

Even if we both know we're not going to take it anywhere, it's nice to watch you notice my naked body. It's not the same naked body you married. It's pudgier in places. It's jigglier in spots. But it still grabs your attention.

I like the way you react when you touch my skin under the covers.

Sometimes I sleep naked or nearly naked, just to get you going. You wrap your arms around my body and find skin where you expected to find flannel pajama bottoms.

I get cold easily so it's not often that I sleep sans PJs. I wear those shorts you love, the ones with the wide, loose legs that don't cover my ass when I'm laying down. They tend to inch up or at least allow easy access to your hands.

The next thing I know you're not just putting your arm around me anymore. You're pressing down, urgently, on my skin. You're roaming my body, legs, back, ass, stomach, breasts. You pull me to you. I can feel your cock pressing into my ass. You sound different, like a man about to eat a long overdue meal.

I like the way you like me naked.

Variety, the spice of ... oh, you get it

2008-03-25T19:24:00.000-07:00

I've made no secret of what I like in bed. I like to have my husband diddle with my girly bits with his fingers until I cum. I like to suck his cock. After that, I like to get fucked hard and fast.

In one way, it's an accurate description. But mostly, it's way over simplified.

This is not a comprehensive list of what goes on in the bed of dirty filthy princess and hard husband. It's not a step-by-step primer. First, followed by, then, after, finally – ahhhhhh. That's just not how it works.

First off, it leaves off all the kissing and nuzzling and touching. I love skin-to-skin contact. For me, my husband doesn't have to touch me directly on the clit to have pleasurable sensations run through my body.

Just his hand, rubbing across my lower back makes me shiver in anticipation. When his hands roam my body, my hip, my shoulders, my ass, my everywhere, it makes me wet.

Kissing is another key component. I love kissing, everything from deep, probing French kisses to soft lip-to-lip touching. And kissing shouldn't be limited to two lips! Personally, I especially loved to be kissed on the neck, forehead, chest, breasts, stomach, lower back, hands and fingers. In fact, there aren't many places that I would NOT want to be kissed.

Although Chad and I do have a certain rhythm that works for us, sex doesn't play out the same way each time. Taking the same steps each and every time wouldn't make for good sex, it would make for a deep rut.

Sex isn't the kind of thing for which you should always know what is coming next. Some of our sexist, strongest orgasm producing moments have happened when one or both of us does something unexpected.

Yes, I like to orgasm before I get fucked. But that doesn't mean I never get fucked before I orgasm.

Yes, I like when husband uses his fingers on me. But sometimes I purposely delay that moment by sucking his cock first. The longer I wait, the more anticipation builds before he even touches me.

I like it when Chad fucks me in one position for a while, then asks me to go back to sucking his cock. I like it when he uses his fingers inside me and then switches back to stroking my clit. I like it when I start out on my knees, kneeling before him, and then switch to the cliffhanger, hanging my head over the edge of the bed, taking his cock in my mouth.

I like tender sex and rough sex. I like to be spanked and tenderly nuzzled. I want to be called a whore and told how much I am loved. Sometimes I like a quicky. Some days I just can't get enough and ask him for more diddling after he's fucked me good and hard.

I wouldn't want to eat the same food every day. I'd grow weary of the same conversation, over and over. I'd get really tired of wearing the same thing all the time.

In the same way, why would I want the same kind of sex over and over?

Laughing feels good

2008-03-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

A few months ago we adopted a 1 1/2 year-old German shepherd. Just like our cats, he's one of the family. He sleeps on his doggie bed on the floor next to our bed every night.

This Sunday afternoon Chad and I had a perfectly lazy day. We were able to do our favorite thing - just lay around and snuggle.

Of course, after a while, the snuggling turned into some groping. It wasn't long before I was kneeling between Chad's knees, pleasuring his stiff cock. I looked up at him, laying back on his pillow, eyes shut, enjoying every second.

I was taking my time, savoring the growing tingly feeling in my mona. I knew the longer I played with him, the more that feeling would grow.

I was making quite a bit of noise: slurps, moans, pops of released suction. But then I noticed another noise that wasn't coming from me or my husband. Without taking my mouth off Chad's cock, I swiveled my head for a look.

Our dog, who is tall enough to lay his head on the bed from a standing position, was investigating our activity on the bed. Sniff, sniff, sniffsniffsniff. He was trying to figure out just what it was that we were doing.

This was the first time he'd ever been in the same room with us while we got busy - we usually lock him out pre-nookie. It's a good thing we were in the middle of the bed instead of the edge elst someone might have gotten a cold, wet nose where they didn't want one.

I still had my mouth on Chad's cock. I tried to keep my rhythm up, stroke, stroke, along his shaft.

This only made our big puppy more curious. Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff. Sssssssssssssssssssniff.

I couldn't help it, I started laughing around my husband's cock. Chad was laughing too.

So I gave up. I jumped up and led the dog out of the room. As soon as he was safely out in the hallway I quickly went back in the bedroom and shut the door on his cute, inquisitive face. I loves my dog but I loves my sex too.

When I got back to the bed I asked Chad how it felt when I was laughing around his cock.

"It felt good, actually," he said.

You heard it here ladies. Laugh all you want. It feels goooooooood.

'The best sex lasts minutes or even seconds'

2008-03-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

So, I have another reader question:

I was listening to my friends Hristiyans podcasts on foreplay and he said that most woman do not like actual intercourse to last more than 15 minutes (of course a generalization) and that the best sex lasts minutes or even seconds.

Basically, he was saying if your foreplay is good intercourse won't last long.

I remember you saying you liked to orgasm before you were penetrated, do many women feel this way?

Do many women want intercourse to last a long time?

Are womans pussies usually sore after sex or is it only if the guy is huge and the woman wasn't dripping wet when he penetrated her?

Well, you already said it but I have to repeat it. I think saying that most women do not like intercourse to last more that 15 minutes is definitely a generalization. I can only say what I like and what I have heard from other women.

I do think, however, that your friend is on the right track. I'd alter it a bit to say: If foreplay is good, intercourse doesn't have to last as long.

I do like to orgasm before I am penetrated, yes. And I think there are lots of other women out there that like it too. Beyond that, I think there are lots of women who could benefit from it.

A woman typically needs more time to “warm up” for sex. That's where foreplay comes in. When I orgasm before penetration, it prepares me for intercourse and makes succeeding orgasms easier to achieve and stronger.

So here's what your friend is talking about: If I've just had some amazing foreplay that includes multiple orgasms I don't need extended fucking to cum some more. I'm all primed so successive orgasms pour out of me pretty quickly. It typically doesn't take very long for me to have two or three more orgasms during intercourse.

Personally, that's the way I like it. Plenty of foreplay. Plenty of orgasms before penetration. Finally, hard and fast fucking to finish it off. I'd say even 15 minutes is pretty long. My husband and I spend a lot of time in bed, but only a few minutes of it is fucking.

That's not to say it should be that way every time or that every woman likes it that way. While I have multiple orgasms, some women say they have one strong orgasm after which they are done for the night.

As for your final question about soreness, there is no reason for a woman to be sore after sex. I have, on very few occasions, felt sore after sex. Once in a while, after a quickie, I've felt a little sore. And, after a particularly long session of pussy abuse, I might feel somewhat sore. But that's a good kind of sore.

For the most part, if she feels sore, something isn't being done right. She wasn't given enough time before penetration, for example. Or, as you put it, “the woman wasn't dripping wet when he penetrated her”.

Now I want to turn it over to other people. What are your thoughts on this?

Do you (or your partner) like to orgasm before penetration? Do you think intercourse needs to last a long time? What about sore pussy?

Go.

Like warm Jello

2008-03-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the difference between giving myself and orgasm and having my skillful husband bring me to bliss.

I know there are some women that can give themselves more than one orgasm. I've read about marathon masturbation sessions that really blow my mind - and I'm sure theirs.

I can identify with multiple orgasms when I'm not in the driver's seat. On the other hand, by myself I'm more of a one-hit wonder.

There's only one time in my life that I've brought myself to more than one orgasm in a row. I forced myself to two orgasms a total of one time. Impressive eh?

I know it's physically possible to stretch my limits much further than that, I just don't seem to have it in me. Patience. Perseverance. Stick-to-it-iveness.

The other night, Chad was working the night shift. I was home alone, catching up on some reading on a few blogs - even re-reading quite a few of my old entries. When I went to bed I needed release.

I hooked my right leg over my favorite pillow, spread my legs and began to touch myself. I could feel pleasure building, building. It grew in me like tension but it was anything but frustrating.

I intentionally slacked off each time I got too close to the edge. I wanted to last and last.

In the way, way back of my head I was thinking about, for once, pushing my limits. Why shouldn't I go for that number two a second time?

But when that moment finally came, I didn't even try to keep going. My noodle arms flopped to my sides and my body melted into the bed like warm Jello.

For me, right then, one was more than enough. I fell asleep smiling.

Intelectual vs. body, mind and soul

2008-03-08T15:50:00.000-08:00

If you've been a reader here for any length of time, you know I checked out of blogging for a while. I went from a part time job to working full time as the editor of a small time newspaper - a big career move for me.

Life's starting to get on more of an even keel now. I'm feeling the urge to get back to blogging, something that I've always enjoyed.

Looking back on that stressful period, I know our sex life suffered as well. Even when our opposite shift schedules weren't at odds, it was sometimes hard to get in the mood. It was too easy to just go to sleep. Heck, I didn't even keep my legs shaved half the time so it was pretty hard to go for opportunities for spontaneous sex.

Chad was understanding. He knew I really was exhausted and stressed out. Sometimes he was almost too understanding.

We talked about it occasionally. We needed to make sex a priority. We both wanted more sex. We just couldn't seem to find the time or the energy.

That's not to say we haven't had sex in the last five months. We have.

But it felt like intellectual sex, not body mind and soul sex. My brain was in it, but my body was dragging behind.

It was like, "OK sweetie. My legs are shaved. We're both home. Let's have sex."

I knew we needed to have sex, I knew we would enjoy it and I knew it was important. But I didn't feel ravenously hungry for sex. Once we got started, I felt the pleasure. When we finished, I felt the release and the connection. But it was hard to get there.

Just as I recently got my urge to start blogging back, I've got my mojo back. Just a week or so ago I was blogging while I waited for my husband to wake up after a night shift. After reading a bit and writing a bit, I realized my mona had a urgent, tingly message for me.

I showered, shaved and slipped into bed, naked. I snuggled up to Chad's back and enjoyed just being close to him. And yet, I felt the need to wake him up, too. So I slipped my arm around him and freed his cock.

He reacted just the way I hoped he would. He rolled over on his back and put his arm around me, rubbing his hands firmly over my body in a way that told me he was as hungry as I was.

It was amazing sex, made even more wonderful by the fact that my desire was back. It was body, mind and soul sex.

Manly man

2008-03-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

This video is hilarious! It's not really about sex except that it addresses that whole issue of men feeling comfortable showing affection to other men.

Watch:

How To Give A Great Man To Man Hug

One size doesn't always fit all

2008-02-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

Let's be clear here. Other than the one in my husband's pants, I don't have a cock. And since I'm on birth control we have rarely used condoms. So don't know a lot about the little guys.

However, when C emailed me with a question about putting a condom on, I was willing to do some research to see if I could help him. C was the reader that emailed me a question that inspired my series, Basic Sex Tips for guys. In it, I suggested that it was a good idea to practice putting on a condom in the safety and privacy of your home so you aren't nervous or confused that first time.

Here was C's dilemma. He tried, but encountered some problems. Here's what he said:

I struggle to put on condoms.

I've tried by myself
and I can't do it half the time.

I have quite bad manual dexterity
I've looked at the instructions and I'm still a bit clueless.

Any tips?

I did a little searching on the Internet and it didn't take long for me to get a clue what might be the source of C's troubles. It seems there's quite a bit of dialog on the Internet about uncircumcised men and their struggles to use condoms. I emailed C back and, yes, turns out he's uncircumcised.

So, C, you are not alone. You can probably stop worrying that you have "bad manual dexterity". It turns out, many condoms are made with a "one size fits all" mentality, at least in the sense that condoms work much better for circumcised men than uncircumcised men. To top things off, the directions on the condom box are usually written with the circumcised man in mind.

As near as I can tell, an uncircumcised man's foreskin determines how well or easily a condom fits. I read stories about men with a lot of foreskin or very tight foreskin that had extreme problems with putting on a condom. Although I can't find the link again, I even read one story where the problems were so severe, one man elected to get circumcised as an adult and was very happy with the result.

I would never tell someone to get circumcised just so they could wear a condom. There are compelling arguments for both circumcision and and uncut penis. I read on one forum where a uncircumcised man asked advice about this problem and one woman simply suggested he get cut. That really pissed me off.

But, I'm getting off track. The point here is to help C find a way to get comfortable putting on and using a condom.

Let's start with this basic video, how to put on a condom. It doesn't seem to be specific for uncut men but, hey, there is a banana. And it can't hurt.

The first advice I came across was to retract the foreskin before putting on the condom. Another tip was to put water-based lube in the reservoir tip of the condom, on the inside. The point is to increase sensations and to help put the condom on. Read more here. and a short, but sweet tip here.

It all sounds simple, almost too simple. The more I read, the more I found that some men still have troubles even when pulling back their foreskin.

Here's another tip that really makes sense. Don't just grab a box of condoms at the grocery store and hope they fit. Try different brands, sizes and types until you find one that works for you. Some sites suggested extra long condoms, long condoms with a snug fit, condoms with extra girth part way up the shaft. Although there was never really any solid conclusion reached, this site had the best discussion I read on the subject. Keep scrolling down to read comments from men that deal with these same issues.

I also highly recommend this article from condom man. It's a good, step by step set of instructions specifically for the uncut.

Still, I keep going back to the thing where I have no penis of my own. My husband is cut so he's not a lot of help either. Well, not with this subject.

So, I need the help of uncut men out there. (Even women who've known an uncut penis intimately might have some good ideas.) What kind of advice can you give C? So, speak up. Give us your stories, your tips, your favorite condom brands.

A 4-footer

2008-02-28T19:05:00.000-08:00

The other day a package arrived for me. It was a round tube, about four feet long and several inches wide.

"It's a dildo," my husband guessed.

Often, when I get a package in the mail, it's a sex toy from Eden Fantasys. I haven't done one for a while, as I haven't blogged for a while, but I'm a sex toy reviewer for that company. In exchange for free toys I write reviews for them. (If you are interested in learning more, ask me.)

Even before I looked at it, I was pretty sure the package wasn't from Eden Fantasys. I was pretty sure it was from AllPosters.com. I'd ordered this print of Kissing on VJ Day - Times Square - May 8th, 1945. I've been wanting to do some decorating in our bedroom and I'm going for a romantic theme.

"It's not a dildo," I told him. "It's a poster."

"It might be a dildo."

"A 4-foot long dildo?" I asked?

"Might be."

I opened the package and alas, it was not a 4-foot long dildo. Now that would make a decorating statement. And romantic? Oh, boy.

Priorities

2008-02-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

I want pleasure. I want it now.

I want wet. Sigh. Moan. Writhe. Release.

But first I will give pleasure. First I explore your sweet skin. Your velvet softness.

I take a little taste. My tongue flicks out, licks the smooth helmet of your tip. I slowly circle the taut ridge.

You sigh.

A little taste turns into more. My pleasure is forgotten. My pleasure is your pleasure.

I work you around in my mouth, spreading wetness. I find a rhythm, pulling you in, deeper, deeper, deeper. You move in and out of my mouth smoothly.

I begin to feel it. I am tingly. I am lubricated.

I moan, a little, around your swollen skin. I wiggle my hips, a little, sway side to side.

You have not touched me, not even once.

'Inadequate friction'

2007-12-06T19:09:00.001-08:00

After writing my last post I received a comment from Willie. Here is what he said:

On the idea that "you can never be too wet", what do you do when your girlfriend really is too wet, resulting in inadequate friction? (and no, it's not because I'm small - I believe I'm above average).

Dear Willie,

Too wet, eh? I'm afraid I have never experienced that. I don't gush but I have been dripping wet, leaving a butt-sized wet spot. However, I have not had this problem so I'm not sure I understand what you mean. That doesn't mean your issue isn't valid - just that I haven't encountered it before.

Since you mention your size I am assuming you mean too wet during penetration. Am I right? In that case I would guess that it's not about size or wetness, but angle or direct vs indirect stimulation. First, does she experience plenty of pleasure and/or orgasms prior to or even after fucking? Secondly, have you tried different positions to hit her spot better?

It's not all about the penis boys. If she is having trouble getting off when you fuck her, try not to take it badly. Just focus on giving her pleasure any way you can and she will appreciate it - I guarantee it.

Willey, I don't mean to be condescending or offensive at all. There may be something that I am just not getting here.

If anyone else out there can help us out, please do so. Is there such a thing as too wet? Do you have some suggestions for Willie? If so, please chime in.

Lube vs foreplay

2007-12-02T13:30:00.000-08:00

First off, I just want to thank my wonderful husband for posting for me, twice no less. He is such an amazing, supportive man. He knows I have been really wanting to keep up with my blog better and he took matters into his own hands.

Now on to my first post in a while. Here's a question I recently received by email.

By chance I have discovered your blog and like it a lot. Now my question: I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years but we have started making love only about a year ago as I am religious and it took me a while to get used to the idea. Also, I needed to know he was not after sex only :-), of course. Well, the first time it went reasonably well although it took quite long for him to get inside me as I was very tight (but he just waited until I was comfortable). We thought it would be better next time, and it was. The only problem that has remained is that he always has a problem to get inside me for the first time, even when I am wet. Do you think a lube would make things easier, I mean maybe make my entrance more flexible? ... am not sure I am describing it well :-)

I guess my answer is two fold. First off, yes, more lube is never a bad thing. Sometimes people, including me in the past, think that lube is for someone older having trouble getting wet enough but it is more than that. You can never be too wet and lube is a great addition to sex.

My second answer is a little more complicated. I suspect this isn't just about you being wet enough. All I can tell you is what I experience - it may not be the same for everyone.

When I first started having sex I didn't give my body enough time to get ready, so to speak. My mind got turned on faster than my body. What my husband and I discovered is that I need plenty of stimulation, with his fingers and/or his tongue before I am loosened up enough for him to enter me.

What my husband knew, and I did not, was that it was best if I had an orgasm or orgasms before he even entered me. That way, by the time he enters me I am very primed, so to speak, and the orgasms pour out of me. Besides, why rush things? The more time we spend, the more fun we both have.

The one qualification I will give this is that not all women are multi-orgasmic like I am. While I have yet to find my orgasmic limit – only exhaustion has stopped me – some women build up to a single, very strong orgasm before calling it a night. Neither way is better than the other, they are just different.

In the beginning it was especially important that I was patient. It took my body six months to get used to intercourse and to start having orgasms from penetration consistently and easily.

However, don't think that patience is only necessary in the beginning. Even now, after more than four years of intercourse, if my husband and I were to skip the foreplay and go straight to sex I would be very tight to begin with. In fact, if he starts too aggressively, I might even feel some discomfort or irritation.

I can't claim that the following explanation is scientific by any means, but this is the way I look at it. While my brain doesn't take long to switch to “on” my body catches on more slowly. The first sign that my body is getting ready for sex is that I begin feeling wet between my legs. Then, my vaginal opening begins to slowly relax in preparation for penetration. Then, my cervix begins to move back out of the way. If I don't give my body long enough my vaginal opening is tight and my husband's penis slams against my cervix, sometimes painfully.

So, in answer to your question, yes, more lube cannot hurt. But if you and your partner aren't spending enough time on foreplay all the lube in the world won't solve the problem.

My advice to you would be to relax, take your time and ask him to work on your pleasure before he even enters you. Also, it may just take your body time to adjust to having sex.

On The Inside

2007-12-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

Holly felt so good as she became wetter and wetter. My fingers sliding back and forth over her clit and inside of her. Her moaning becoming louder, her hot pussy becoming wetter and wetter. Just waiting for me to slide my hard cock inside. She came and was very ready to be fucked.

She told me to fuck her, asked me what position I wanted her in to be fucked. I told her to lay on her back. I kneeled between her legs and slid my hard cock inside. It felt so good. The feeling as I slid in further and further inside of her. I began to fuck her. Using the springs in our mattress to my advantage, I placed my hands on the back of her legs and pushed her down into the mattress. With each push my cock was sliding in and out of her. She felt so fucking good. It was as if it was meant to be. Nothing in the world could have distracted me from her. Nothing.

After a little bit I told her to get on her hands and knees and made her go to the edge of the bed. I was standing when I slide my hard cock inside of her from behind. Oh fuck she feels really good. I begin to fuck her from behind. Her wet hot juicy pussy engulfing my hard cock as I thrust in and out of her. Fuck that feels good. I continue to fuck her for a while, then I tell her to get on her back again.

I kneel between her legs once again. This time it is for the final explosion. I would find out the explosion would not only be from myself. I begin to fuck her again. Once again her wet hot juicy pussy engulfing my cock. I look down and see myself sliding in and out of her. It is so very hot and sexy and turns me on even more. I begin to fuck her faster and faster. I can tell by her reaction that she is very close to cumming. I continue to fuck her, and I start to feel myself not being able to hold back. I can feel that awesome feeling as I am about to shoot my load inside of her. I also start to see and feel Holly. She is at the point where she is going to cum also. I continue to slide in and out of her.

All at once without any notice she begins to cum. I can tell by the look on her face, the sounds she is making and the way her body is reacting. I react the same way. I feel the sensation and no longer being able to hold back, I cum inside of her. The feeling is amazing. We then lay next to each other enjoying the pleasure we just experienced. That was to long in the waiting and just what we needed.

Proud of Holly

2007-11-30T02:29:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am so proud of Holly. She has been super busy and has made what she does into a better product than what it was before. She puts forth so much effort, time and thought into what she is doing. I know that she would rather be blogging and writing on her book everyday. I wish that I made enough so she could just stay home and blog and write, but unfortunately bills have a habit of not making that possible at this point and time.

I am so very proud of her for doing what she has been able to do at her job. I can see that she does enjoy it. Of course there are always those days, but overall I know she enjoys it. At least for now and until she doesn't need that job anymore.

It has also been a little more difficult to get some "fucking" time in, especially when our work schedules are different at times. We make every effort to make sure there is some sucking and fucking going on. I just can't stay away from the awesome feeling as my cock slides into her mouth, or when my hard throbbing cock slides inside her wet hot pussy. Feels so fucking good. It is a little more dificult but we manage to make time for that. Maybe not as often as we would like but we are working on that.

Like I said she has been working hard, and I am very proud of her. I love her so much and I only want the best for her. I want her to be the happiest wife in the world.

Coming up for air

2007-11-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it's obvious from my lack of posts that my new job has kept me crazy busy. I think the worst is over now. More employees have been hired and trained in, so that's starting to take some pressure off me.

What has suffered, unfortunately, is my blog and even working on my book. It's really frustrating because that's what I would rather be spending my time and energy on, but I just haven't had any time or energy to spare.

Oh, to win the lottery.

Last night we stayed at a hotel. So you know what that means, crazy, happy hotel sex. If there were any other guests staying in the vicinity of our room or walking the hallway at the right time, they were sure to get an earful.

Chad's theory about sex-related noise at a hotel is that it's expected. If someone were to hear us they would simply think, 'Ah, somebody's getting it good.' Which is, I am sure, how he would react if our neighbors started getting it on very vocally.

But I worry of the people with children or the old, crabby people that are just trying to get some sleep. I assume their reaction to loud sex would be less forgiving. I hasn't happened yet, but I'm waiting for someone to bang on the wall angrily or call the front desk and complain.

Last night, as usual, I was lost in my own little world. I wasn't thinking about old people in polyester or children just trying to sleep in their innocence. That's the best way to have sex, of course. If you are thinking about what you need to do tomorrow at work or making a grocery list for Thanksgiving in your head, somebody isn't doing something right, whether it is you, your partner or a combination.

Last night I was enjoying some amazing oral sex from Chad. He had his face buried in my pussy and was doing everything just right. Sound was just pouring from me like steam from a tea kettle.

Then, for just a second, I became aware of my surroundings. I think I heard some muffled noises coming from a nearby room, which reminded me I was not at home in my own bed. I considered, briefly, whether I should try to be quieter, but it just didn't happen. I was way to far gone for logical thinking.

So, as I said, some people very well could have heard us. I hope it inspired them, rather than upset or angered them. But in the end it really doesn't matter. That moment of orgasm is - and should be - a very selfish moment. All my husband and I were thinking of right then was our mutual pleasure.

So what do you the rest of you think? Is it, as Chad says, expected that a hotel or motel could ring with the sounds of rowdy sex? Do you worry about your volume when you are getting your hotel sex fix? Or do you really cut loose? I'm also curious to hear if there is anyone out there that has been reported on for having loud sex in a hotel.

I've never heard another couple having sex through the walls of a hotel room. If it were just me and my husband, I doubt very much that it would bother us.

Have any of you had that experience? What was your reaction to the noises of bliss coming from the other room?

Getting comfortable with it

2007-10-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

I love when you shave the boys. I can see, touch every inch of your skin. It is wrinkled, exposed – asking to be touched to be licked.

I touch your wrinkly ball sack first. I examine your soft skin with my fingers. You are sitting naked on your computer chair. I kneel down in front of you and lean forward for a kiss. You pull our naked bodies close together as our tongues dance in our mouths.

After we break apart, I kiss my way down your chest. I have to hold myself back from just diving straight for your cock. I want to, you want me too. But still, the delay is delicious.

Finally, I taste you. I lick the underside of your balls up, up, up toward the base of your cock. Then the tip calls to me. I lick around the ridge of your cockhead and down over your shaft. With each stroke of my mouth I spread wetness over you so I can slide up and down smoothly with no resistance.

I keep my eyes open while I lick you. I notice your veins, the different shades of your skin.

I bury my face between your legs and lick, lick, lick. In the meantime, I'm sliding my hand up and down your shaft.

My mona begins to respond. She tingles. She grows wet. She makes me moan, a muffled sound around your cock in my mouth.

“Here,” you say, “I'll move down.”

You scoot your ass forward until it hangs off the edge of the chair. It's an invitation I'm glad to accept.

Once again, I lick your asshole. My tongue explores the ridges and textures. Over and over, I lick my way up, past your perineum and to your balls. I feel your cock pulse with pleasure in my hand.

“Lick all over,” you say. “Lick everything.” And I do.

Finally, I can't take it anymore. I stand up and take your hand.

“Let's go to the bedroom,” I say, and you follow me willingly.

That's why I married you

2007-10-25T05:15:00.000-07:00

The other day Chad and I went to a bar to watch his favorite sports team play with his brother. We typically don't drink but he was having a few beers that day.

I'm not a football fan so I went out to do a little shopping. That's when he called me on my cell phone.

"I never even noticed them when we came in but there's a whole row of bras hanging from the ceiling," he said. "If you take off your bra and sign your name to it they'll give me a free drink!"

At first I protested. It's my I-wear-it-all-the-time bra. Which means two things: I don't want to lose it and it's not really the kind of bra I'd like to have hanging in a bar with my name on it. If I'm going to donate a bra it should be impossibly lacy and sexy, not everyday serviceable.

But I could hear the disappointment in his voice. It wasn't the free drink - it was the idea of me taking off my bra in a bar. He wanted me to let loose little bit of Dirty Filthy Princess outside the bedroom - the sexy vixen with no limitations.

Besides, the rules of the game say you don't have to show anything, you just unhook it under your shirt and take it off through your sleeves. I didn't object to taking my bra off in public, the bra was my only issue.

"I'll think about it," I told him.

After a little thought I rushed to a discount store and found the cheapest, pretty bra I could find. I switched bras and went back to the bar, prepared to donate my $6 bra for a $3 free drink.

When I told my husband what I'd done his reaction was worth it. His face lit up and he said, "That's why I married you!"

In the end I got to keep my cheapie bra, which is kind of nice since I found I actually like it. I think the main thing for Chad was that I would do all that for him if he asked me to. He didn't need me to really give up my bra, just be the kind of girl that would - the girl that he married.

What do the rest of you think? Would you give up your bra in public? Does your feminist side, if you have one, object? What about the men? Would you take it the way my husband did if your wife/girlfriend was willing to do that for you?

Rag doll of happiness

2007-10-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm gripping the sheets, lifting the material off the mattress in hot, sweaty bunches. My head is lifted off the bed, the muscles of my neck standing out, stiff and strained.

I look down to where you are, nestled between my legs. All I can see is the the top of your head and your eyes, turned up, watching me. The rest of your face is buried deep in my pussy - licking, rubbing, flicking.

A white hot beams of pleasure radiate from my core. Heat spreads from my inward outward, trickling down my thighs, spreading through my lower back in gentle but persistent waves. I push my head back on the pillow and let sound pour from my mouth.

I realize my whole body is tense. I force myself to relax, let the feelings wash over me. My grip loosens on the sheets. They leave my hands in damp, wrinkled clumps.

I'm getting closer, closer. I grind myself up against your face just to feel the scrape of stubble. My hips thrust a little. They have a will of their own.

"Harder," I demand. "Harder!"

You take as much of me in your mouth as you can. I feel you sucking hard. I feel your stubble pressing against my screaming skin. I feel your tongue moving frantically.

My knees close around your head like a vice grip. I wail out louder as I rock us side to side on the bed.

You don't let go. You won't let go until you are satisfied.

An eternity later, you release me, a limp rag doll of happiness. My legs are Jello. My head feels light. I giggle weakly.

You sucked the smart, independent woman right out of me. Who needs her anyway.

Pickup Podcast interview

2007-10-13T21:02:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I did an interview with AJ and Jordan from Pickup Podcast. The interview is now up for your listening pleasure. Click here to find a link to the interview.

AJ and Jordan refer to me as a "religious christian nympho sex blogger", which I think is hilarious. Hey, God invented sex, so there you go. Also, if you want a chance to hear me babbling about sex on an ottoman, here's your chance!

Oral fixation

2007-10-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes
I want to bite you.

Not hard
just nibble
your soft, sweet skin.

Yesterday, after sex,
I bit your fingers
just a little.
I nipped at the palm of your hand.

It's not always sexual.
It just is.

I bit your shoulder
when we were sitting on the sofa,
watching Buffy.
I just wanted a little taste.

I want to bite you more.
I want to bite you harder.
Let's make a date.

Breaking the fast

2007-10-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

There is only one good thing about no sex for six days. Breaking the fast.

My first week of work at a new job left me absolutely exhausted. After some serious sleep catch-up time it was time to catch up on lost nookie time.

Chad worked a night shift Friday night so he slept most of the day. Come to think of it, I did too. I woke up this morning, watched a little TV and then went back to bed for a nap. After we both woke up for the day we relaxed in front of the TV some more. Zoning out in front of the TV was about all I was good for after the week I had.

Once we'd both had enough time to wake up we headed to the bedroom. When we got naked and started kissing I went from zero to horny in about 3 seconds flat.

I laid there and enjoyed the attention for a while. He kissed me in all my favorite places while his fingers traced patterns on my clit. It didn't take long before all the stress of the week was completely forgotten and I was my old dirty filthy self again.

"I think maybe I should suck your cock now," I said after a while.

He, of course, agreed. So I kissed my way down his belly leaving my ass up by his head for easy access to my clit. His cock was already hard, calling me. But I passed it up just long enough to lick the underside of his balls.

While I was licking and kissing his balls he reached for my G-spot. I was still fairly tight so I could feel the walls of my pussy pushing against him as he worked two fingers inside me. Once in a while I like that feeling of being invaded, stretched.

Then he was inside me. Almost immediately I could feel my body responding. I moaned around the meat in my mouth and wiggled my ass a little in pleasure.

As I sucked enthusiastically he responded by slamming his fingers into my G-spot harder and harder. To say it was intense would be an understatement.

After a while he slipped his fingers out of my pussy prison and reintroduced them to my clit. I love that moment. Going from my G-spot to my clit is a move that is sure to coax out a lurking orgasm very quickly.

We continued to enjoy ourselves in several different positions before we were both ready to fuck. I lay back on the bed and he brought us both home together.

Sprawled out sideways on the bed together, we talked about how intense things had been. After 6 days of no sex we were both ravenously hungry. It was serious, no messing around sex.

Here's to making up for lost time!

It's not ALL about the sex

2007-10-05T02:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when we were first dating, Chad would tease me that all I wanted him for was his body. Even though it was a joke, it was true that we did put a lot of focus on the sexual aspect of our relationship in the beginning. Heck, we still put a lot of focus in that.

However, I'll repeat now what I have said before. I love him for more than his penis.

Unfortunately, in the last week his penis and I have had no face time. Or pussy time. No any time.

I've alluded to it before but there is this new career opportunity that came to me a while ago. I've started a new job as the editor of a small weekly newspaper. With a complete redesign of the paper it's taking a lot of my time and attention right now. Monday was technically my first day, although I'd been preparing for it for a while now.

So now I'm working full time. Not only that, but in these beginning weeks it's more than full time. I didn't get home until 9 p.m. or later for the first three days of the week.

Chad knows I'm exhausted right now. When I come home from work he spends some time listening to me talk about my day and then we usually veg in front of the TV for a while.

Then I go to bed. To sleep. There just isn't time or energy for sex right now. This job is draining a lot out of me - but the good news is it should get better after a while.

It's a given that we're going to make up for lost time at the earliest possible moment. There will be plenty of dirty filthy licking, sucking and fucking.

But for now I appreciate the things my husband is doing for me that are NOT about the sex. I appreciate that he is willing to listen to me. I appreciate that he ordered a pizza and didn't eat even one bite until I got home at after 9 p.m. last night. I appreciate that he's been rubbing my back and my neck and comforting me when I cry because I'm feeling overwhelmed.

I firmly believe that if couples put more focus and attention into the physical side of their relationship it would save them a lot of headache and heartache. But having a connection isn't all about sex. Sometimes it's just about being there.

Thanks for being there for me sweetie.

It's may not be popular, but it's true

2007-10-02T05:47:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling with something lately. A reader that very clearly displays on their profile that they are under 18 years old has been commenting on my blog. I did comment back to this person once that my blog isn't meant for teens and they reacted, of course, very defensively and have continued commenting.

This makes me uncomfortable. It has made me realize that there could very well be more than one youth reading my blog.

I like comments. I like traffic. I'm not ashamed of my content - I feel I have an important story to tell about married sex. But the little warning in the left-hand upper corner of my blog isn't just there to fill space. I truly mean that.

If you are under 18 I don't think this is an appropriate space for you. I know picking a number like that seems sort of arbitrary - one 18 year old may be less mature than another 17 year old. But I have to start somewhere.

If you are under 18 I cannot physically stop you from reading or even commenting on my blog. But I don't intend to just sit by and not say something because you aren't going to like it.

I'll repeat it. This blog is intended for a mature audience of at least 18 years old and older. If you haven't yet reached that milestone in your life I wish you would do something more age-appropriate with your time. And that means in the bedroom and with what blogs you read.

What do the rest of you sexbloggers out there think about this? Have you ever had any of the younger set lurking about your sex content? How did or would you deal with this?

Kiss me there ...

2007-09-29T07:13:00.000-07:00

The last phase of the kissing game was all about my pussy.

"Now kiss me here," I said, indicating my pink folds.

I was wearing a pearl g-string with black lace from the nice people at Yumdrop. He moved down between my legs and moved the pearls slightly.

"Do you want me to take it off?" I asked. I was sure I knew the answer but I asked anyway.

"Why would I want to do that?" he said, just before putting his face between my legs and licking up and down the length of my pussy.

The first contact of his tongue felt so amazing. I gasped, arching my back and rolling my head back on the pillow.

It only got better as he continued to lick. I reveled in every sensation, from his soft tongue to his stubble grinding into me as he pressed his face down hard.

My breathing was coming in gasps. I could feel a large wet spot growing and growing beneath me on the bed.

"Suck," I gasped. "Suck me." And he did.

The whole time I could feel the string of pearls pressed against my skin from my ass all the way to the front. I liked the thought of his tongue, stroking over me, stroking over the pearls.

Soon after that is when I decided I wanted to be fucked. Still playing the game, Chad was happy to follow my every whim. I pulled him up on top of me and we started kissing. His face was slippery with my juices, his tongue covered in my taste, my scent.

As we kissed he began rubbing his erect cock along the length of my pussy. Each pass brought me closer to the edge. After a while his hard cock found my opening and slipped inside.

He stayed on top of me, chest to chest, as he began moving inside of me. Our arms wrapped around each other, tighter and tighter. We clung, floating in a haze of bliss.

Slowly, with carefully controlled movements, he brought me to climax once, twice. Then he paused inside me. Our ragged breath echoed in each others ears.

When he started to move again sucked in my breath sharply. My next orgasm came quick and hard. He continued to move - harder, faster, faster, harder - until we both came at once, loudly making our pleasure known.

WFIW: Virginity topics

2007-09-26T04:47:00.000-07:00

Although I do have a couple of request for interview questions (I promise I will get to you soon!) I don't have any completed WFIW questions at this time. So, I thought we could chat a bit about virginity.

This is a topic I have had on my brain for a long time. What, exactly, defines being a virgin? Is it any sexual experience? Oral sex, either giving or receiving? Manual penetration with a finger or another object, such as a sex toy?

Or, is there only one thing that makes someone a virgin? Not having had penetrative sex.

For myself, that is how I have been defining it. Even though I'd done almost "everything but" I didn't consider myself as having lost my virginity until my hymen was damaged due to intercourse. That definition works for women, because it's a distinct boundary. Passing go at that point results in some pain and blood for most women.

But what about for a man? It can still be a good marker for virginity but the line isn't as strong.

I knew of one girl that, for religious reasons, did not want to have sex until her marriage night. However, her finance was not religious. So, her solution was that they had only oral and anal sex. Was she a virgin on her wedding night?

I'd like to know how you feel about it. Give me your definition of a virgin.

My turn for the kissing game

2007-09-25T03:54:00.000-07:00

Who says learning can't be fun? Last night Chad and I reversed roles with the game I came up with: Kiss me where I want it. This time it was my turn to hold the power - along with the tubes of edible body paint.

If you missed my previous post on this here's how the game works. One person has edible body paint. He or she applies it to where they want to be kissed and the other person kisses or licks it off.

I started with my lips, of course. I love kissing. It's by far one of my favorite things to do. And I like all kinds of kissing - soft kissing, hard kissing, deep kissing, soft lips-only smooches. The list could go on and on.

The thing I liked about kissing with body paint is that it took some extra licking on Chad's part to get my lips clean. The contact of his tongue on my lips felt really nice.

My next choice was my neck. I've always loved having my neck kissed and nibbled at. Chad knows this and did all my favorite things. First he licked and kissed all the sticky sweet gel off. Then he got a little rougher and nipped and sucked hard enough that I wondered afterward if I would have a mark. I wondered about it after because during I was way too far gone into pleasureland to think about anything.

Post vampire moment the gel was applied to my earlobes. I closed my eyes and moaned as he continued to slather attention on me. Next, I asked for another kiss on my lips.

Finally, it was time for my breasts. And I do mean finally. As we played the game I had to hold myself back from this highly erogenous zone. My brain wanted to take its time but my breasts were screaming for attention.

First, I applied a line of body paint between my breasts. I loved the feeling of having Chad's face so close to my breasts and yet not quite there.

Then, I drew a curlicue circle starting at the edge of my breast and angling slowly inward to the nipple. I shivered and groaned as his tongue traced the path. My hands went to his head as he licked and nibbled at my hard nipples.

When my breasts were satisfied I traced a trail of body paint from between my breasts down to my sides. As he licked me clean I alternated between moans and giggles. My sides have always been very sensitive and I'm a little ticklish but it feels wonderful too.

Last, I asked husband to go to town between my legs. After all the build up I was already soaking wet and the first contact of his tongue to my clit was heavenly.

To be continued ...

Editor's note: I did not apply the body paint to my pussy. It contains sugar, which can cause a vaginal infection.

Dirty little school girl

2007-09-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have purchased any new lingerie. A long time. Too long.

Thanks to the very agreeable people at Yumdrop, I now have some new things to prance around in. I wore this little number this morning and to very, very satisfactory results.

Husband worked late last night so I let him sleep in as long as I could stand it. Then I showered, shaved, put on my new outfit and crawled under the covers with him.

As he started the leisurely process of waking up he put his hand on the spot where my leg meets my torso. I knew he could feel the lace of the outfit I was wearing and perhaps the line of the red thong I had on under the plaid skirt. He knew something had arrived from Yumdrop but I hadn't showed it to him yet.

After a while I said, "Do you want to see it?"

Of course he did. So I sat up in bed and revealed it in all it's plaid glory.

"Mmmmm. A dirty little school girl," he said. "What might a dirty little school girl like you want to do next?"

"Hmmmm. I'd probably want to get naughty," I told him.

And get naughty we did. It wasn't long before I was straddling him with his fingers buried in my already wet pussy. He pulled the soft cups of my top down and used his other hand to play with my breasts.

It only took a few minutes before I was grinding down hard on his lap and cumming like a house a-fire. Then I switched to another favorite position, sucking his cock with my ass up by his face so he can continue stimulating my clit.

As I lay across his torso, sucking his velvet soft cock, my flustered brain started casting about for a clever way to ask for some rough treatment - in character. I sat up, leaving his cock cold and lonely.

"Mr. Principal," I said, with a pouty look on my face, "I don't know if this is such a good idea."

He looked a little confused and didn't take the bait immediately. I tried again.

"I wonder what my dad would say about this," I said coquettishly. I was aiming for a response along the lines of, "Forget about your daddy. I'm your daddy. Suck my cock now, bitch."

But my husband's sense of humor got the better of me. He pulled me back across his lap, straddling him again, and started to finger my clit. As I started to fall over the pleasure precipice he kept talking about my daddy*.

I laughed. Then I gasped. Next thing I knew I was cumming uncontrollably, one right after another. I moaned and writhed.

"Just so you know," I panted out. "This has nothing to do in any way with thoughts about my daddy."

He didn't say a word. He just lay there beneath me me and laughed with this huge grin on his face. He didn't skip a beat as he continued to flick his fingers around my clit.

Despite the slight backfire in the school girl fantasy play, things continued to go better and better. We kept playing the school girl/principal game but without any more inappropriate daddy talk.

It started out good and ended even better. Orgasms just kept coming and coming. And husband enjoyed himself immensely as well.

I wasn't surprised at all about what happened when it came time to choose a position. Husband pushed me over to the bed, indicating he wanted me on my hands and knees. I eagerly complied and he fucked me to two more amazing orgasms.

Afterward we lay there and laughed about the daddy snafu. Then we talked about the school girl outfit. We both liked it a lot. A lot.

"I'm surprised at how much it did for me," I said. "I thought it was mostly going to be for you but it really intensified things for me too."

If you are interested in checking out what yumdrop has to offer, click on the newest ad on my left hand sidebar. Starting today through October 31, 2007, my readers can enter offer code DIRTY10 and get 10 percent off any order. Personally, I have my eye on this naughty bunny costume for Halloween.

*Editor's note: Just to be clear, my daddy is a wonderful, wonderful man that was nothing but good to me my whole life. I would hate to think that anyone would misunderstand this funny sexual moment as indicating any kind of past abuse in any shape or form. Nuff said.

Masturbation - It's not a betrayal

2007-09-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite non-sex Websites is Postsecret. Because, yes, I can occasionally enjoy something besides sex.

Postsecret is a blog that is updated every Sunday. It was started by a man named Frank, who receives many, many postcards with people's secrets on them every day. He picks the cream of the crop, so to speak, and publishes them in his weekly blog or in one of his postsecret books.

Sometimes the secrets are funny. Sometimes they make me cry. Others make me sick to my stomach. And, of course, sometimes the secrets are about sex. Because what better topic is there to fall into the category of a secret?

This week this postcard knocked the breath out of me.

I wish I could get a message to this girl somehow. I wish I could tell her that she doesn't have to feel guilty like that. Maybe I can't reach her but I know there are others out there like her.

Sure, in certain conservative circles, masturbation is viewed as dirty and wrong. It's something people are made to feel they should feel guilty about.

As far as I am concerned, this is a load of crap. It's also the type of attitude that doesn't exactly give people a good base for a healthy and happy sex life. I mean, how can you go through life thinking, "Sex is dirty, sex is shameful, sex is gross," and then, suddenly, when you are married switch into enjoying everything about sex?

Here's the thing. Your future husband will probably appreciate the fact that you are a sexual person and that you know something about your own body. I know my husband did. In fact, he was turned on by it. Now, as a married couple, I sometimes masturbate in front of him. It's all a part of sex and being a sexual person. It isn't a replacement for intercourse - it's a supplement.

Also, there isn't anything wrong or inferior about direct stimulation to the female genitals. In fact, once you are married, you will likely find that is an important part of sexual play with your husband. If you feel bad about masturbating, will you feel bad about letting your husband stimulate you with his fingers? I certainly hope not.

There's something else that bothers me. The underlying statement behind this girl's secret is that her future husband will be and should be the only one responsible for her sexual education. That's not true. My own mother told me she went into her marriage thinking this way. As a result she didn't have her first orgasm for years into their marriage.

Just because a man has a penis doesn't mean he automatically knows how to use it to bring a woman pleasure. Putting all the responsibility on him is a mistake - especially if you plan to get married as virgins with little to no previous sexual experience.

This doesn't mean I'm advocating multiple sexual partners to learn the mysteries of sex. I was a virgin until I was 27 and have only had sex with one man and I love our sex life! I fully believe that all two inexperienced people need to develop a good sex life is time, open minds, a willingness to experiment and good communication.

What about the rest of you, dear readers? Have any of you ever felt guilty for masturbating? Of so, why? And if you don't feel guilty at all about it, please share your reasons for that.

Editor's note: In compliance with postsecret's policy I have posted only one picture of one postcard taken from the site along with a link to postsecret.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 24

2007-09-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

This week's Waiting for it Wednesday interview comes from Teacher in heels, who blogs at After School Monologues. I'll let her introduce herself:

Heels: Ok .... so Holly sent me these questions back when she was still anonymous and before it was revealed that an author was among us! I must admit I struggled answering these questions. I was overcome with a bit of shyness or fear or apprehension or a combination of the three. Hopefully, you will all not be bored.

DFP: You said you were over 30 when you finally "did the deed", tell us how that first time was.

Heels: Actually, it was quite good. He was a very skilled lover and took his time. Very attentive and made sure I was taken care of, even though he had no clue I was a virgin. I will admit I had a drink or two to steady my nerves. It was the "first time" for both of us (more on that later) He brought wine and candles and was a complete gentleman. Sexually I tried to act like I knew exactly what I was doing at every moment, faked being a wanton woman and tried to enjoy the moment .... there was a lot going on!

DFP: How old is "over 30"?

Heels: I was between 30 and 35 .... is that specific enough?

DFP: Was your first time with someone you were in a long-term relationship with at the time?

Heels: My first time .... oh my .... this may get me chastised by a few folks. It was someone I met on Craigslist in Casual Encounters. I decided I wanted to have sex and did. Now it is important to understand, that even though this was someone from the Internet, I was completely safe about it. And if anyone wants pointers for safety just ask .... I have lots of them. We ended up having sex on and off for about two years are still friends to this day. He wanted to live out a fantasy of meeting a stranger in a hotel, I wanted to lose my virginity, so it worked at the time and in the moment. Neither of us had used Craigslist before so there were lots of first time nerves for him as well. In reality we are both very sane people and have often
laughed fondly about that first adventure together. And yes, I did finally admit to being a virgin and he was floored! He had no idea and kept thinking I was teasing him.

DFP: Was it worth the wait?

Heels: For me it was no longer about the fantasy of losing my virginity in the perfect situation, but finally doing it and getting over it.

DFP: Do you have any regrets or is there anything you would change if you could?

Heels: I wish I had just made the decision and done something like I did in my late 20s rather than wait til my 30s. I do not regret the man or the how, but I do regret the wait.

DFP: What are the reasons that you waited as long as you did?

Heels: To be honest I spent a long time thinking no one would ever want to have sex with me. The whole "I am fat and ugly and have no friends" self talk, when in reality I know I am an attractive female (to some) and I have loads of friends. Also, I became aware of sex and sexuality at a rather young age. For example, I can recall coming downstairs to say good night to my parent's friends after a dinner party and was already in a night shirt and the man leaving making a comment about how nice my legs were as he said good night to me. I was ten or eleven at the time. In hindsight I feel this also pushed me away from sex for a while. And once I was in my twenties and out of college, I went through a stage of thinking it was just too late for me. To be brutally honest I went almost fifteen years without even kissing a man. Somehow (thankfully), I came to me senses in my thirties and awakened the sexual creature within and took fate into my own hands.

DFP: Was it a choice or circumstance?

Heels: A combination of both. I had made a choice that I was not good enough to have sex with and therefore kept myself out of circumstances where sex may have been available.

DFP: Did you ever feel embarrassed or worried about being a virgin past the age of 30?

Heels: Oh I had lots of thoughts and feelings about it. And most everyone assumed I had lost my virginity in high school to a long term boyfriend and I never corrected them. So basically no one had any clue at all. Now my worry is being a skilled enough lover someday for a long term partner/lover/husband. But hopefully that person will love me enough, that I can tell my story and we can have lots of fun adventures together. Plus I have a ton of sex to make up so he has to be ready for that too .... lol.

DFP: What do you think children should be told about sex?

Heels: As a high school science teacher in a large public school district no topic about human anatomy is off limits for me. If students ask questions, I give them facts,
encourage them to talk to their parents and make sure whatever decision they make is their own, not based on peer pressure.

DFP: What about your sex ed as a child? Was it adequate or helpful? Who did it come from?

Heels: Science runs in the family and I was an early reader ... I think I was about seven when I picked up an issue of my mother's Cosmopolitan Magazine and read an article on "Making Love." So of course I went and asked my mom and she explained it to me.

DFP: Has your upbringing, cultural background or religious beliefs, had any impact about your past or present attitudes on sex?

Heels: Oh ... you mean that I am a "recovering Catholic?" I think religion had to do with my decision more in high school. But then I had a really cool priest who was willing to talk frankly about sex (the coolest priest I ever knew) .... and the religious aspect became less scary for me. My parents were very loving and affectionate which provided me with a great relationship example growing up. My issues with sex were and are my own.

DFP: Any advice for a sexually frustrated virgin?

Heels: To take control of your own destiny. If sex is something you want to explore then go for it. I think too many people get caught up in the "fairy tale" of the first time and have unrealized expectations. As callous as it sounds I think people may have it a bit easier if they treated it like an experiment.

DFP: Any other relevant information you would like to share?

Heels: I think I struggled with answering these questions more than I should have. I guess I still have some embarrassment about the fact I waited. I honestly feel that pole dancing and blogging has changed me in a way that I feel braver about my sexuality, being a woman and my size. If anyone has any questions they are free to visit me at my blog or email me directly (teacherinheels@gmail.com)

Clingy vs. crabby

2007-09-18T00:42:00.000-07:00

We have these two cats. They are sisters and have lived with us since they were tiny kittens. We brought them home with us three years ago, just a couple months before we were married.

Lately, I've been working a lot on my book, of course. Which means I go into the office and shut the door. If I don't, they think this is prime time to cuddle with momma.

This is stressful for them. First off, they just haven't been getting the amount of attention they are used to. Secondly, they hate shut doors. We've never shut doors in our house, even the bathroom door typically gets left open - with only two of us here what does it matter? So, when a door does get shut, they tend to sit outside of it and stare until it opens again.

As a result, Precious, the smallest and most cuddly of the two, has been very clingy. When I'm not in the office with the door shut, she tends to follow me around, crying and attempting to trip me with her foot lovin'. When I go to bed, she follows me there so enthusiastically, I can hardly get laid down without doing damage to her.

Sylvester, on the other hand, reacts differently. (Yes, they are both girls. Chad named her.) She gets angry and pulls away when she hasn't had enough attention. If I want to cuddle with her, I have to chase her down and force-cuddle her. I know she really enjoys it because if I'm having a hard time catching her, she'll slow down and pretend to get distracted long enough for me to grab her. She purrs and enjoys the attention, but as soon as I let go she runs away.

So, you ask, what do my two crazy cats have to do with my sexblog? I was thinking today, those cats are a pretty good illustration of how I act when I need attention. And in my case I mean the kind of attention that a good hard fucking brings.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling attention needy, I act like Precious. I'm all clingy and whiny. When I should be confident and happy in my marriage, I'm annoyingly wiggy and weepy.

Other times, I'm like Sylvester. At the moments when I should be running into his arms, I'm playing hard to get. I get up and stomp out of the room when I'd be better served by just crawling up into his arms and letting him hold me. Or, just stripping naked and asking him to go to it.

The good news is, I haven't done any of those things for quite a while. It has taken some time, but I'm learning to skip the angst and go straight to what I need - some sexual healing.

Now if only I could get my sweet kitties to understand what's going on. I keep telling them I need to write this book so I can buy them cat food and toys, but somehow, I just don't think they believe me.

The unspeakable

2007-09-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

About a month ago, I told my husband that there was something new I wanted to try. He was puzzled when I had a hard time getting it out of my mouth.

I finally got it out. "One day, when you are really, really, extra clean ..." Long pause. "I want to lick ... your ... asshole."

I explained that I thought he might like it. There are a lot of nerves there. It was worth trying at least once, anyway.

Then it was his turn to have trouble talking. He wasn't sure he wanted me to lick ... there. He told me he'd have to think about it for a while.

Usually, Chad is very open minded. But I mean, come on, asshole licking? That's probably a bit out there for a lot of people. On the other hand, there's also a lot of people that enjoy it.

I knew it wasn't something I wanted to surprise him with. I imagine that would be a catalyst for an impressive across-the-room dash. And the first place metal goes to ...

But there have been times when I'm giving him a blowjob that I've thought about it. I mean, why should there be this invisible, unspoken line where I have to stop licking? I don't like limits. I tend to push against them.

Maybe I get this from my mom. When we were children the rule about trying new things, usually new foods, was: You have to try it at least once. If you try it and you still don't like it, fine. But you have to try it.

So, recap: I don't like limits. I think we should be open minded and try new things - at least once. When it came right down to it, I thought he might like it.

Just recently, it came up again. We were naked and well on our way to Happyville when he approached the subject.

"Do you remember that thing ... you wanted to try?"

Oh, I remembered. Instant head bobbing.

"The thing ... your fetish?"

It's not exactly a fetish, but I knew what he meant. More bobblehead doll action.

"Do you want to try it now?"

I did. So for the first time, I licked him everywhere. I buried my face in his crotch and licked from his asshole to his balls.

And I know he liked it. Probably not enough that the next time we go to bed he'll be thinking, "I can't wait until she licks my asshole!" But as a part of the whole package deal I know it feels good.

I knew before he told me that he liked it. I knew because at first contact, he moaned. And he's not an easy moaner. I knew because I had my hand wrapped around his cock and at that point he wasn't completely hard yet. Every time I licked from his asshole to his balls his cock reacted, just a little.

I liked it too. Not because I have a thing for assholes but because giving him pleasure gives me pleasure. I liked the feeling of no limits - my face, his skin, everything was deliciously wet and slippery. I liked rubbing my face and tongue over every surface of him. I liked giving him a new pleasure, no matter how small.

It almost goes without saying that in that moment I wasn't thinking of his asshole's pretty much one-and-only function in life. It's the same for his cock - I don't think of it as the place he pees from when I'm licking every inch of it.

So now, all there is left is to call my mother.

"Hey mom, remember that rule about trying something new at least once? Well, are you ever going to be proud of me."

Just teasing. I think I'll write her an email instead.

Let's play: Kiss me where I want it

2007-09-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

On my recent trip I saw a billboard off the freeway advertising an adult store. So I pulled over with the idea that I should bring at least one surprise home to my sweetie.

Mostly, what we needed was more edible lube. I'm a big fan of edible lube. I don't use it every time, but it sure can be fun - especially if it tingles as well as tastes good.

What I found was edible body paint. This gave me an idea. Why not use the paint to learn something more about each other? I used the idea last night and let me tell you - it was worth it.

Here's how I set the game up. Since I happened to be having my period, I told Chad this night would be all about him. First, I asked him to use the paints to show me where he liked to be kissed - anywhere but his cock. That threw him for a bit.

"You're not going to kiss my cock?" he asked.

"Not yet," I said.

With that he thought about it for a while and applied some of the body paint to his lips. The gel tasted surprisingly good - like melted candy. We shared the taste of it as we kissed.

Next, he directed me to his neck. His earlobes. Back to his lips. His nipples. The sensitive skin on his sides, near his waist.

Those are all places I have kissed him before, for sure. But because he isn't usually very vocal about what he enjoys I wasn't positive if he truly cared about being kissed in some of those secondary erotic zones.

In fact, that's part of the reason I asked him to start with "everything but" the mighty cock. I was slightly worried that if he had the reins, he might just squirt the body paint all over his cock and tell me to go to town - no detours.

As it turns out, my assumption was wrong - as is the case with many assumptions. Once he'd run out of secondary erotic zones, I moved on to phase II of the game.

"Now, pretend we are just starting to have sex," I said. "Use the body paint to show me where to kiss you, starting with the first thing you want me to kiss. If you want me to drive straight for your cock, that's OK. If you want me to kiss you other places first, let me know."

He put more edible body paint on his lips. I had fun thoroughly kissing and licking him - making sure every trace was removed. Then he led me, with a trail of paint, slowly back through the places I'd kissed before. His lips led to his neck, his neck led to his earlobes. His earlobes led to his nipples and back to his lips. His lips led to his waist.

For me, the most gratifying thing was hearing him moan softly as I licked and nibbled my way over his body. Maybe I was assuming that because he was a man, he'd want me to go straight to his money zone - skip the small change. Maybe I was just getting lazy and complacent. But I know I don't always spend as much time kissing him all over as I did when he was directing me where to kiss. Now that I know he enjoys it more than I assumed, I'm going to step it back up again.

Of course, there was a point where he wanted me to cash in. I waited expectantly while he brushed some of the body paint on his cock. Then I licked and sucked on every inch of his shaft to remove it.

After a while I reminded him that he was still in control. If he wanted me to lick and kiss anywhere else he would have to show me. So he painted some of the gel on his balls. I used one hand to grip his shaft, pumping slowly, while I licked the boys clean.

After all this kissing and licking, both of us were ready to get down to business. The body paints were set aside for a serious blowjob. Over and over I built him up, almost to the point of climax but not quite, before he stopped me. Finally, he came in my mouth.

Afterward, I told him I was a little surprised at how much I learned about him - even after four years of having sex.

"I think that's the key," I said. "You always have to be growing and changing, learning more about your partner and yourself. Otherwise, if you think you know all there is to know, that's probably where things get stale and lose excitement."

It wasn't a lesson I was expecting to learn but it makes sense. I love that my lover and I are so comfortable with each other that we can nearly read each other's minds in bed. But I never want to get to the point where I think I know it all. People's interests do change over time - there are things that we have done sexually recently that I would never had even though of in my early years of having sex.

Now I can't wait for my turn. When I'm done with my period I plan to play the same game again. Except this time, I will have control of the body paint.

* Editor's note: This product does contain sugar. So be careful where you apply it. Putting things that contain sugar on your pussy could result in an infection. My only complaint about this particular brand of body paint is that it is difficult to squeeze out of the bottles and application isn't easily controlled. When this batch runs out I plan to try another brand.

Loving dominace

2007-09-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

OK, so I told a little fib in my last post. You all read it. You all recognized it.

My husband didn't really hold me down and fuck me. I could have moved. I could have left.

But that's the fun part of being dominated in a loving relationship, isn't it? All it would have taken to stop things was me speaking up. But I didn't want to. I was enjoying myself. We were acting out a fantasy.

My husband knows I like playing the submissive role. So he grabs my hair and pulls me to my knees to suck his cock.

But he also knows the floor is awfully hard on my knees. So at the same time he's commanding me to "suck, bitch!" he's also thinking of my comfort and placed a pillow on the floor for me to kneel on.

It's that contrast that was part of the reason I laughed when he first started dominating me. In that moment he was someone that was treating me roughly, even disrespectfully. But that's not who he is - it's a character. He's someone that, above all else, loves me - that's who he is.

2007-09-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

"I love it when you dominate me," I told him.

"I noticed that," he said.

"In fact, I love it so much that sometimes I want more," I said.

"More?"

"Yeah. Stronger dominance. More dominance. Dominance when I haven't asked for it yet."

"Hmmm," he said, pausing briefly. "I think I can manage that."

And manage it he did. It didn't happen that day or even the next day. But he did surprise me with some much desired dominance.

It didn't start out any differently than usual. We were laying naked on the bed kissing and touching. After a while my face drifted serenely down to my favorite place - his erect cock. I proceeded to make a wet Willy.

Then he was ready for something different. "Get down on the floor," he said.

I didn't catch the sternness in his voice immediately. I started moving to the end of the bed to kneel at his feet. I didn't go fast enough.

He grabbed my hair and roughly pulled me to his cock. I laughed, realizing finally what was happening. But I didn't laugh long.

My pussy certainly wasn't in a laughing mood. She was tingling and pulsing with excitement. I felt a fresh twinge of pleasure with everything he did.

He put his hands on my face and pulled my mouth down over his smooth cock. He gripped my head firmly and thrust his hips. He pulled his cock out my my mouth and rubbed it on my face and lips before pushing it back in my mouth.

Eventually, he was ready to fuck me. "Lay on the bed," he growled. "On your stomach."

I obeyed, wondering what was coming next. Kneeling himself between my legs he pushed his cock in my very wet pussy. He lay down, his stomach to my back, and began to pump. This was a new position for us.

I could feel his weight holding me down. His skin was pressed my my skin. With his face so close to my face I could hear his raspy, labored breathing. He leaned in slightly and bit my earlobe hard.

My body responded to it - all of it. My moaning mingled with his sounds as he fucked me. We climaxed together, drenched in sweat.

It was certainly the more I was looking for. In fact, it was so powerful, it has been my favorite fantasy lately. I love replaying that moment in my mind. Somehow it was that harsh breathing in my ear as he worked against his own body weight and gravity that really got to me.

He held me down and fucked me. I could not move. I could not leave. It excited me.

And yet, I also felt so safe. I felt so loved. He gave me more.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 23

2007-09-12T18:37:00.000-07:00

After a short break, I'm returning to my weekly Waiting for it Wednesday feature. Today's interview comes from Bob, a 37-year-old married male that does not have a blog. Here is what he had to say.

DFP: Tell us about your first sexual experience.

Bob: My first sexual contact that resulted in an orgasm (for me) was with a girl in college. We were making out and one thing led to another and the next thing I know my pants were unzipped and she was giving me a handjob. It resulted in me shooting my load all over the place. It was a negative experience for me because I believed in waiting for marriage for sex and because I was only dating this girl because I knew she liked me, not because I really wanted to go out with her. The first time I had intercourse was lost in the shuffle a bit because my wife and I started out with a lot of sex, handjobs, oral sex etc. for two years or so before we were married. We had been friends for a couple of years and we had been slowly moving towards a relationship and one night while we were lying in her bed rubbing around on each other, I stopped her hand on my penis. She gasped and shortly after had him free of my pants. She told me how good I felt and in the heat of the moment I asked her if she would give me a blowjob, which she agreed to. She swallowed the first time, even though I came quicker than I thought and caught both of us off guard. For the next two years, I think I received a blowjob a day. Shortly after that first night, we had intercourse. I say lost in the shuffle because we were having some sort of sex every day for about two years. While this felt like a positive experience at the time, it has turned out to be a negative one. First, because I went against my beliefs and had sex before marriage. In my case, having sex made me feel obligated to this woman which might have clouded my judgement when I decided to marry her. Second, after we got married, we never have approached the same level of sexual activity. She will not give me oral sex any more (even though I give her oral sex way more now than before we were married) and while we've had sex more lately, she even said not too long ago that it wouldn't bother her if we never had sex. She has a good time when we do, but she's not terribly interested in getting there.

DFP: Is there anything you regret about it?

Bob: I don't regret, because I'm not a believer in regret. You learn from it and move on. Nobody (certainly not me) is perfect and we all screw up.

DFP: Looking back, do you feel you were ready to have sex at that time?
Bob: I wanted to have sex at the time, but I would have been better off waiting, I believe.

DFP: Is there anything you wish you had known before you had sex?

Bob: I can't think of anything I wish I had known at the time...

DFP: Do you have any religious or cultural background that had any impact on when you first had sex or your thoughts about sex?

Bob: I am a christian, and I do believe that sex is meant for a man and a woman in the bonds of marriage. However, I feel that a lot of religious people view sex as something dirty. That's not the way it should be, which is what intrigues me the most about this blog. This is how a couple's sex life should be.

DFP: Do you have children? What do you think children should learn about sex and at what age?

Bob: I do have children and I think they should hear about sex from their parents. They're going to hear about it anyway, and the playground stories from other kids their age should be tempered by a mature view at the very least. I don't think sex should ever be labeled as dirty, or something to be hidden. However, as a christian, I do believe that sex should (ideally) be between one man and one woman in the bonds of marriage. As you can see from my above answers, I do not claim perfection, nor have I always lived up to my own ideals. As far as their age, I would think somewhere around 10. Possibly adjusted depending on the child and the circumstances. That is a best guess at this point since I do not have any children close to that age.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

Sept. 19 Teacher in heels

*Rather than being judgmental, this is a safe place for both virgins and non-virgins to discuss when they plan or hope to lose their virginity or when they did lose their virginity.

While I happened to wait until I was 27-years old and have only had sex with one man, my now husband, I don't necessarily believe that every person has to follow in my footsteps. Everyone has to make this decision for him or herself. However, I do advocate careful decision making and believe it is best to first have sex when in a loving relationship with someone you trust.

For more information on how to participate click here.

Sex begets sex - again

2007-09-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

During my week away from home I missed my husband terribly. It just seems strange to be away from him like that. Even though we talked on the phone every day - sometimes more than once - I just felt weirdly disconnected from him.

I kept wanting to say, I feel so far away from you. But then, that was stupid, because of course I was so far away from him.

While spending three days with my mom and grandmother, I slept in the same room I lived in my freshman year of college. The company and the place made me feel like a child again - certainly not like The Dirty Princess.

When I left I imagined I would be very horny with a sex-free week. I brought along my pink vibrator, perfect for traveling. It sat unused in my suitcase. I imagined I would have at least one steamy phone-sex session with Chad. It never came up.

I didn't even get hungry for sex once I got home. Well, not until after I "ate", so to speak.

I arrived home around supper time and husband and I decided to go out to eat. I was too tired to even think of cooking something. In fact, I was so tired I even briefly entertained the thought that perhaps we should just wait to have "welcome home" sex tomorrow. "Chad will understand," I reasoned to myself.

He had his own ideas, however. When we got back from eating, I wandered distractedly through the kitchen. Noticing my herb pots on the windowsill, I began watering them. With one pot to go, I felt Chad grab my arm.

Knowing what was happening, I began to laugh. I quickly thrust the watering can back onto the counter top as he walked me back to the bedroom. I never got the chance to make my little speech about being too tired for sex because I was brought forcibly into the bedroom and pushed onto the bed.

I'm so glad my husband didn't allow me to be lazy. Post orgasms, laying panting on the bed, I discovered that I didn't really want to wait another day for sex. Plus, even though we have been married three years and together more than four, it's always such a huge compliment when he makes it so crystal clear that he wants me. Intellectually I know he desires me sexually, but it's a message I never get tired of hearing.

After our explosive homecoming sex, I discovered something. All of a sudden, I wanted sex again. I got incredibly horny in the next two afternoons and got my rocks off solo because he was at work. We also made time for some steamy sex last night. I'm back to normal and I'm loving it.

Of course, there were some outside factors in my lack of sex drive while at my grandmother's house. I was working hard every day and went to bed very tired. I also regressed and didn't feel sexy.

But the biggest reason I think my horny dial got turned down a notch was that I hadn't had sex for a while. If I am having great sex, I want more of it. Therefore, it stands to reason that if I am not having sex, it's easier to get lazy about it.

I think about the men and women out there that have allowed themselves to get complacent in their relationships. The grind of jobs, the kids, paying bills and other details of daily life get heavy and sex gets put on the back burner. He or she thinks, I'm tired, I have a big day tomorrow, my partner will understand. And the next thing you know, days or weeks, or even months and years have slipped by unnoticed and uncelebrated.

How many of those people could recapture a passionate sex life just by taking the time and effort to make sex a priority? One time leads to two times and three times and maybe the momentum can get picked back up.

I know there are many complicating factors. I know it takes more than one person a good sex life to make. But why not try? Have sex with your partner tonight. See if it doesn't make you hungrier.

I'm back

2007-09-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad to be home. Words cannot express how glad.

Still, it was very important that I did this. Not only was I able to help my 92-year-old grandmother get ready for a move to a new home, but I was able to see her again - something I haven't been able to do a lot in recent years.

It was a long hard trip. To get my my grandmother's, I drove a total of 1,600 miles across the Midwest. My mother was with me on the way there but I was alone on the way back. And, since she doesn't drive, I was the chauffeur. Both ways I stopped and stayed overnight at my sister's, who lives approximately in the middle.

Because we needed a vehicle with a hitch, I drove my father's 1992 Cadillac - which has no air conditioning. Let me tell you, it was hot and sticky.

I spent a total of four days on the road and three days at my grandmother's house. My time there was mostly spent working. The biggest job was going through her things, most of which she has had for decades, and helping her to decide what to keep, what to give away and what could be thrown away.

At age 92 she has outlived four of her siblings and sadly, but probably appropriately, she is preparing for death. It was her job to settle the affairs of one of her sisters whom had never married and she helped with the same task when her oldest sister died. So she knows what a job it is to go through the things of someone who has died and try to decide what to do with it all.

She told how she had to throw away her sister's large collection of photographs. With her gone, there was no one to identify the people in the pictures.

As a result of these experiences, she wanted to downsize considerably, so when she dies, things will be easier on us. It was difficult because, having moved many times, I understood her need to simplify. On the other hand, I don't like to think of her death. And my mother, her oldest child and only daughter, spent a lot of time fighting her mother at every turn - she didn't want to see her mother giving away all her pretty things. I'm no psychiatrist, but I think she is in denial over the reality of her eventual death.

My mother and I tried to save what we could. My mother went through stacks and stacks of family photographs and took some home to scan into her computer. Many, many others were thrown away.

I came home with a full carload of things that had sentimental value. A 6-foot 3-inch tall grandfather clock that my grandfather made himself. A cute little vanity table he made my grandmother. Wooden trucks he made and we played with as children. Beautiful shells he had dove for in the ocean. Christmas decorations, some my grandmother and my great aunt had made. Hand crocheted afghans. Antique dishes from my great-great grandmother.

Again, it was a hard trip. Not only is packing hard work, but it was emotionally draining. I spent much of the first day refereeing little disagreements between my mother and my grandmother. It was stressful for both of them but things got easier once they realized that the job was slowly but surely getting done.

There was this one 10-minute argument over what was going to be packed in this certain box that I will never forget. Grandma wanted to pack one thing in it while my mother thought something else would fit in there better. In the end neither of them packed that box - I did.

So there you have it. The rundown on what I did during my week away from blogging. It's not sexy at all but it's what happened.

Working vacation

2007-09-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hello all. Things are just fine here in Dirty Filthy Princess Land. I took an unscheduled break this week - my sister was able to visit unexpectedly and we had a very nice time.

Also, I'm taking off on a road trip with my mom tomorrow. My 92-year-old grandmother has to move from her home of 13 years and we're going to help pack her up, ect. She's still very spry for 92 and won't be going into a nursing home or assisted care. She still drives and cares for herself.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I won't be back to blogging until the week of Sept. 17. It's a long trip and being 92 years old, my grandmother has neither a computer or Internet access. So I will be blog-less.

Have a great week!

Holly

Yucking it up

2007-08-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Men's Heath isn't just for men. I came across this Web site recently through links from another blogger and I've been enjoying it. So far, my favorite is the "Ask the Sex Professor" column.

The person that answers the questions is Debby Herbenick, M.P.H., Ph.D. She is a sex researcher and educator at Indiana University. Now, if that isn't a great gig. Why didn't I think of that when I was choosing my major?

Here's one of my favorites:

Kevin, Los Angeles, CA asks
Q: Is it possible for a woman to have an orgasm and not make that much noise?

Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
Absolutely. If you want her to speak up, make a few noises of your own so she feels she's in good company. Wetness, muscular contractions, and toe curling are common signs of women's orgasms; arias are optional.

I've read quite a few of Debby's answers and I typically think they are great. However, in this case, my first instinct was that she misunderstood the question.

The way I read the question, Kevin wasn't wanting his woman to "speak up", he's wondering where the down volume button is. It's hilarious to me to think that someone could be so selfish and shortsighted to hope that his partner would keep quiet during sex.

I have a solution for you Kevy. Suck in bed. Don't give her orgasms and things will get quiet. Real quiet. Like, so quiet, it's likely that she's not in the room and is looking for orgasms elsewhere.

Or, get yourself a nice, quiet replacement. She's low maintenance, I swear.

Maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps Kevin is simply wanting to make sure he is giving his partner orgasms. Perhaps she is so quiet he's not sure she's getting the whole package deal.

I have a solution for that too. Ask her. I know it's a wild concept, but it is amazing what it all little communication can do.

Divorce

2007-08-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

I work in a small office of seven women and one man. A few months ago, one of the women started going through a divorce. Her husband left her, after 30 years and four children. It has been very difficult for her.

Today, we sang happy birthday for one of the younger women in the office. At 25 years old and after two years of marriage her marriage is crumbing. She told us today for the first time that they are having troubles and he is finally moving out. She has been going to counseling but that he won't - he doesn't want to change. She would cry herself to sleep at night, she said, wondering if this was all there is to life - she wants more.

I can't help it, every time I'm faced with this it scares the crap out of me.

Chad and I have a great marriage and we are very happy together. Also, we promised ourselves long before we even got married that divorce wasn't an option. If we do have problems we are committed to do what it takes to fix things - together.

I don't want to let doubt and fear enter my mind because of other people's mistakes and problems. Still, it does scare me.

So I'm a little bit sad today. Sad for my coworker's pain. I'm struggling, not knowing what to say to her.

I'm also very determined. I always want to work toward being a better wife and having a better relationship. Even though things are going very well with us, I never want to get complacent.

Pain and pleasure

2007-08-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

I wish someone would explain this mystery to me.

I get that the line between pain and pleasure can sometimes be very thin. When things are feeling very, very good that's when I make noises that sound a lot like pain. Certainly the grimaces I'm making must look like pain. And sometimes my senses are so overwhelmed with pleasure it can actually feel a little bit like pain - but in a good way.

But when it comes to actual pain, I'm still not sure why that arouses me. I mean, I can see why dominance makes me wet. It's that feeling that Chad wants me so badly that he loses control - that he has to have me, immediately. At my request, we've explored some sexual dominance in small controlled doses.

Pain comes along with dominance. I love it when he spanks me and pulls my hair. It hurts a bit but it also turns me on in a way I don't completely understand. He was actually the first one to introduce this into our sex life several years ago. He kept teasing me, or threatening me, that someday he was going to spank me during sex.

"I think you might like it," he'd say.

I was pretty doubtful. "I don't think so. I can't imagine liking that."

Then one day he just did it. He was fucking me from behind, doggie style, and he smacked my ass, hard but not too hard. I gasped and moaned each time he did it. Afterward, he commented that it had sounded like it'd enjoyed myself and I was surprised to say that I had. Now, I ask for it sometimes.

On the other hand, I'll never be interested in the hardcore BDSM scene. To me, some of that stuff is just too scary. As always, I respect the right of two (or more) consenting adults to do what they want with their bodies.

But honestly, some of that just seems unhealthy to me. It may not be PC to say, but it's my opinion. In a loving relationship, I just can see how two people would get anything out of demeaning, humiliating or physically harming the person they care for the most. And if the relationship isn't about love, that situation is even less appealing to me.

I guess I just don't get it - and I probably never will. That's OK. I don't have to understand it because it's not for me.

What is for me? Love. I know my husband loves me and wants to give me pleasure. If that's about tenderness - he gives me tenderness. If I'm feeling randy and want some dominance - he dominates me.

Trust is integral too. I trust him completely. Even if he's dominating me, if I need things to slow down or back up all I need to do is let him know. Usually, that's as simple as pulling my head back or pushing a bit with my hands. Or, I ask him to go a little slower and he instantly complies.

Still, lately, I've been fascinated with the idea of just a little bit more. Sometime I'd like him to surprise me with some dominance. Asking for it gives me just a little too much control. I'd like to be grabbed and thrown into a situation where he is dominating me. I'd like to be treated a little more roughly - just to see how it feels.

I'm also fascinated by the idea of a flogger. A buttery soft flogger, like aag talked about. Personally, after a bit of searching, I'm lusting after one of these from Heartwood whips.

Amorphous and Mina, over at longings end, have been exploring the world of dominance and using floggers. They are a couple that has great love and trust, and yet they are pushing past to that world of inflicted pain and dominance. It's titillating and a little bit scary for me to read about.

But some of the best things in the world seem scary at first. It's a little scary to give your heart to someone. It's scary to start high school after the safety of elementary school and then go on to college after high school. Starting a new career can be scary. Having children. Having a dinner party. Going somewhere alone. Making a new friend.

So, I guess what I am saying is, I'm ready to push past my barriers a little into scary. I know I don't want to take it into terrifying, but I'm ready for scary.

What about the rest of you? If you are into dominance or being dominated, whatever the level, can you articulate why?

Nothin' but a sexual deviant

2007-08-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

While it might seem pretty sudden to my friends in blogland, my decision to write an erotic memoir about my sex life was made only after careful consideration. First of all, the person that is most important to me, my husband Chad, is very supportive and excited about this. Since this book is heavily about his penis I could not do this without him or without his love and support.

I know that what I am doing isn't exactly mainstream. To speak so openly about yourself and your partner is one thing on an anonymous sexblog, but another thing when you put yourself out there, openly.

Chad and I did talk over the positives and negatives of this extensively. What it boils down to is, I have this amazing opportunity I'm not about to let pass me up. I started this blog, in part, because I was so tired of hearing all the negative jokes about marriage and I wanted to counter those stereotypes with my reality. A monogamous, committed marriage can be happy and healthy sexually on a long-term basis. Now I have the chance to get my message out to even more people and that is really exciting for me.

Before making my announcement on this blog I decided I should talk to my immediate family and closest friends. I wanted to get their opinions on this big step I'm taking. Also, I didn't want somebody, someday coming across something I've written and causing a huge fuss. I thought it would be better if they knew from the beginning.

First, I asked my mom, who already knew about my sexblog, to speak to my dad. I'm very much a daddy's girl and typically tell him everything, especially about my career. It was strange to have this huge thing happening and not have him know about it. When I called an hour later to find out how he took it, mom told me that all he said was, "What does she know about sex?"

What we have there is an incurable comic with a smattering of daddy denial going on. But since then I have talked to my dad more about my book than any other family member besides Chad. We don't talk specifics, he understands that he will not want to read this book, but he asks me questions about how the writing process is going, ect. Like I said, he likes to know what is going on with my career.

And, he also respects me as an adult that has the right to do what I want to with my life. As he told me once, "As long as you aren't dancing on tables with red garters, whatever you want to do with your life is fine."

I also told my mother-in-law, which was a weird conversation. Her first reaction was curiosity - it took quite a while to make her understand what the book would be about. I think she's got it now and says she will be OK with not reading it, which would just be too weird. She passed the message on to my father-in-law, who immediately proclaimed that this was a book he would never read. Sounds good to me!

My best friend, the one that I haven't ever been able to talk about sex with, seemed to take the news fairly well when I broke it to her on the phone. I pressed her for details, asking her how she would feel if one of our childhood friends came across the book and asked her if I truly was the author. She said, "I'd tell her I was proud and supportive of you. Even if you decided to shave all your body hair and paint yourself purple, I'd be supportive."I burst out laughing because what she was basically saying was, it's a very strange thing you are doing, but I love you anyway. I'll take it.

Later on we were able to have lunch together without the niece and nephews around and she confessed that she was pretty shook up over my announcement but she's come to terms with it now. She kept referring to it as my "s" book and my "s" blogging, which I found really cute.

I made my final announcement today when I talked to my brother. As it turns out my dad had already filled him in. Besides calling me a weirdo his only comment was to ask, "Is there something wrong with you or something?" It upsets him to think of me as a sexual being, which is fair enough.

None of these reactions has upset me in the least. In fact, I find it uproariously funny. This is who I am, this is what I want to do with my life. But, on the other hand, I can see how it would be a wee bit of a shock to some of the people in my life.

In the meantime, I have continued to write the book itself. It was such a huge project in my mind it took a while to get really rolling. I feel like I'm over that hump now and am nearly done with the first two chapters. Before we all know it, the book will be printed in black and white.

Thanks again to everyone that has been so supportive. I really appreciated the nice comments and emails I've received since I made the book announcement.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 22

2007-08-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today's interview, although late, comes from Lou of unfettered cravings.

(Did anyone else notice blogger was down half the day? And then when you got home from work did you just "have" to take a nap and then watch two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD? No? OK, well, maybe that last part was just me.)

OK, so back to Lou. He just turned 40 a few days ago. Happy birthday Lou!

He first had sex when he was 18 years old. About five years later he met started a relationship the woman he eventually married. At that point he stopped having sex. She told him that she wanted to wait for marriage for religious reasons. However, after their marriage he discovered that he had been deceived.

DFP: Was your first sexual experience a good one?

Yes it was. My first partner was in college, a girl two years older than I. She was experienced, patient, and very sexual, so we played around and experimented together. We laughed a lot in bed - which I have always thought is a good thing. My first experience with her was unexpected - not because we weren't interested in each other because we clearly were. It just happened late at night, back at her place, with others in the next room slowly passing out from a long night out! But it was intense, fun, and was the start of a fun start in being sexually active.

DFP: After that you were engaged to and ultimately married a virgin. While you were dating and/or engaged, looking back, were there any clues that she didn't have desires for a sexual relationship?

Yes there were clues, but I was trying to be "respectful" of her choice to wait until marriage. She claimed it to be for religious reasons (we're both Catholic, she just carried more guilty than I!), and I didn't want to put pressure on her to adjust her beliefs. She did admit during the engagement that she didn't even masturbate - that was shocking news. That should have been more of a warning sign that I let it be. 3 months before the wedding I did question her about my concerns regarding a healthy sex life - I was told I was being negative and I had no right to be negative about the unknown.

DFP: Tell us about your wedding night and/or the first time you had sex with your now ex-wife.

We had a late reception and an early flight out for the honeymoon. She wanted to have sex when we got to our hotel at the airport the wedding night, so we did. I let her be in control and guided her through things, so it was female on top. She asked questions and I told her to let her body guide her movements, try different things, etc. It was decent wedding night sex, but we were both exhausted so it was by no means a good introduction. Our honeymoon was 10 days, and we had sex at least once on 7 of those days, and had sex twice on 2 of those 7. It was fun, and things seemed hopeful. Then when we returned it was like that box had been checked on a list, and there was nothing for two months because it interfered with "daily life."

DFP: What was your married sex life like after that?

Our sex life deteriorated quickly. Six months into the marriage I suggested that we go to a counselor to help with the sex side of our marriage, and was told that she could never talk about that in front of someone and she'd have to work at it on her own. She wouldn't even discuss it with me.

DFP: How did it affect you during the marriage?

Someone once said to me, when a marriage is clipping along well, sex is 10% of it being a good marriage; and when a marriage is bad, sex is 50% or more of the reason it's bad. I doubt that's universal, but it became true. The lack of sex became a source of frustration for me and avoidance for her. It also opened my eyes to a complete lack of intimacy on her part on any level - emotional, psychological, etc. Eventually it became the 800-lb gorilla in the room that she wouldn't talk about, and it became a focal point of many frustrations. With no means to address the issue, it became a huge frustration for me and definitely put a lot of distance in my dealing with her.

DFP: How long were you married before the divorce? How long ago was that?

Almost 9 years. We divorced over 4 years ago. During the last few years, I did talk her into counseling because the issues had become many, but she steadfastly refused to talk about the sex issue with any counselor.

DFP: You said, "she admitted her being a virgin ultimately had more to do with not being sexual at all." She just didn't desire sex at all? Or very little?

She didn't desire sex at all.

DFP: You said this discovery led to the subsequent divorce. Was this the only problem in the marriage or were there others as well?

There were other problems, many of them stemmed from this lack of Intimacy - be it sexual, emotional, etc. Sex was the first major issue, and it became a main battleground.

DFP: Did you ever stray, either before you married or after marriage, due to the fact that she wasn't interested in sex?

When the ex-wife and I were first dating I was dating other people, and I had some sexual experiences during that time. Once the dating evolved into a relationship, engagement & marriage, I was faithful. I never strayed. I had desires to cheat, as any sexual person would in a non-sexual relationship, but I took my marriage vows seriously and was not about to cheat on my then-wife. I believe in marriage, my first one just wasn't a good one.

DFP: How important is sex to you in a relationship?

I would have always said before the divorce that sex is part of a healthy loving partner relationship, but due to my experience I'd have to say I became aware that for me it's VERY important, moreso than I even realized before.

DFP: How has this experience affected you or changed you?

This experience has made me more aware of my own sexuality, and in general my needs (emotional, physical, etc.) in a relationship. For a period of time after the divorce I had to learn first who I was again (because I was beaten down from being told by the now ex-wife that I was "wrong" for my desires, that I wasn't "normal", etc.), and then accept not only who I was, but that it was okay for me to be who I was. Once I got there, I began to explore my sexual identity and open up my experiences as part of that. From my own post-divorce experiences I am a much more aware, open, confident person both from a relationship standpoint and a sexual standpoint.

DFP: Do you have any desire to marry again?

Yes. My experience did not make me relationship-averse. It just made me more aware of what things I'm going to need in a relationship in order for me to be happy. There were warning signs, I just didn't take them as such back then.

The Viagra dilemma

2007-08-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

I recently received a reader question from a 47-year-old divorced male. Here is what he had to say:

When I first had sex with my girlfriend about 2 months ago (we had planned to spend the night together, so I knew it would happen), I took a Viagra pill to overcome any first night jitters. This is something I've done before, and it has helped. However, it does more than just overcome jitters, with the right woman it turns me into all-night long superman. If you know anything about this drug, it doesn't give you a hard-on, it just makes it easier to achieve one when you are sufficiently turned on, and it also seems to minimize the recovery time. The way I look at it is that it breaks down any barrier between the brain and the penis, so that when you are turned on, it shows. Well, she was absolutely thrilled by the experience, so I've continued to do the same thing when I know we will have sex, and she remains thrilled. She doesn't know that I'm using this drug. Last night over the phone she was going on and on about how "amazing" I am in bed, even though I told her to stop so as "not to jinx us." We have had sex a few times when I haven't used the drug, and it took me longer to be ready, and in one case I didn't get there at all. She didn't comment on the difference.

So, here's the dilemma. It looks like this relationship can last. In fact, we've said that we love each other. Do I tell her? Do I keep using it? Like I said, I can have sex without it, but I won't be able to do it all night long, which seems to be such a big deal for her. I'm afraid that if I tell her she'll think that it's all been artificial and that I'm not really turned on by her, which isn't true. She also may feel like I've been lying to her by not telling her before. On the other hand, how long can I go on the way I've been? What do you think? Thanks.

A Bit Too Hard

Dear A Bit Too Hard,

Well, this certainly is a sticky situation you have gotten yourself into. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

All joking aside, I can see why you did what you did. You wanted to make sure that first time was wonderful and memorable. There’s nothing wrong with that. So what’s the problem? Lack of communication. By not telling her that you took the Viagra you set yourself up for this.

If this had simply been a one or two night stand, you would have been nothing more than a memorable moment from her past. But since you feel this relationship can last and is developing into love you must talk to her about this.

First off, I don’t know enough about Viagra to know if repeated usage could have any negative health effects. This is something you need to consult your doctor about.

Really, whether you continue to use the drug or not is not the point. The point is that you must be honest with her. Once she knows what is going on perhaps you two will decide that you do want to use it on occasion for some marathon sex. Or perhaps she will tell you she doesn’t need it at all. But to get to that point she has to know the truth.

Unfortunately, it’s not going to be the easiest conversation. She may feel hurt that you haven’t been honest. However, the sooner you come clean, the better. The longer this goes on the deeper hole you are digging for yourself.

I can’t tell you for sure how she will react because everyone is different. However, hopefully she can be adult enough to realize that this was about your desire to show her a very good time in bed and not about her. I would not even bring up your fear that she will think “it's all been artificial and that I'm not really turned on by her” unless she does. I’d be more worried about her being upset that you, in a way, “lied” to her.

If you two are falling in love than there is something about you that she likes. It can’t just be your hard and long-lasting penis. I can’t see her leaving you just because you can’t give her sex like that without a pill. And if she does, then she isn’t worth your time anyway.

I think you know, deep down, what you must do. If I were you I would sit her down and explain that you have been taking Viagra because you wanted to make sure that you were able to show her a very good time. Now, you are somewhat afraid she won’t enjoy sex with you as the real you – without any drug enhancement.

Women are nurturers. The fact that she has been “thrilled” with your penis so far and going on and on about how much she loves sex with you doesn’t mean she won’t be thrilled with you when you aren’t taking Viagra. She doesn’t understand why complimenting you on your performance could be in any way negative, or jinx anything – and she won’t until you explain.

There are many things that you can do to make sure that she has a wonderful experience even if you can’t last all night. It doesn’t have to be all about your penis. Make foreplay a main event. Try sensual, non-sexual things like brushing her hair, cooking her a meal or running her a bubble bath.

Start sex out with a full body massage. Kiss her all over. Does she have multiple orgasms? Use your fingers and your tongue to make her orgasm many times before you actually enter her. Introduce a sex toy into bed. Use a vibrator on her. Ask her if she has any fantasies.

Tire her out in other ways before you get to the fucking. Or, there’s no law that says you have to stop when you are done cumming. Instead of making intercourse the grand finale, you can make her cum more after you have fucked.

If your cock isn’t quite awake when it comes time for his big moment, that’s OK. If she is patient and loving she won’t mind using her hands and/or mouth to get you ready. Relax. Make it part of playtime. Even if you don’t “get there at all” that doesn’t mean everything was all for nothing. That happens sometimes to all men at least on occasion. You are not alone! If you are able to communicate with her about it and neither one of you freaks out, this problem won’t get blown out of proportion.

So, to recap, I don’t think you are a terrible person for doing what you did. You had good intentions. However, now that things in this relationship are progressing you owe it to her to be honest. Once she knows the truth there are many ways you can make her feel loved and sexually satisfied – without the drug.

Hopefully my advice was helpful. Let us know how it goes!

If you have a question of a relationship or sexual nature, please feel free to email me at holly@thedirtyprincess.com. I am not an expert by any means, but I would be glad to do my best to answer your question. To read some of my past answers to reader questions, click here.

More about safe sex

2007-08-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

After I wrote my post on Basic sex tips for guys about safe sex I was contacted by redhead editor. She offered her expertise in talking more about safe sex and I was very glad to take her up on it. So I interviewed her about the topic and this is what she had to say:

DFP: How long have you worked with Planned Parenthood as a sex educator?
RHE: This is new for me. Just 8 months, but I feel I was born to do this job. And at 50, you can imagine how much new information I have to learn that just wasn't out there when I was younger. I think a lot of people think they will never need to know this information, but I never thought I would be single at this age. You're never too old (or too young) to learn this information.

DFP: What are some Internet resources you recommend that people go to for good information about sex?

RHE: Of course, the Planned Parenthood website offers much information as well as a question/answer format with the Vice President for Medical Affairs at Planned Parenthood Federation of America , Dr. Vanessa Cullins. Another great site for information is Teenwire.com. Despite its name, it's not just for teens. I'm on it every day to get information on sexual health. (It has an interactive Q & A section where you can get your questions answered.) I guess I like this because teens, by nature, will ask those kinds of questions that adults are too embarrass to ask. And yet, we're all curious.

DFP: How important is condom use in the prevention of STIs (and unwanted pregnancy)?

RHE: According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, latex condoms "used consistently and correctly" are "highly effective" in preventing HIV transmission, as well as reducing risk of other STIs and cervical cancer. The key here is "consistently and currently," of course. As I tell teens, not every third time or only on weekends. With more than 100,000 teens being diagnosed with an STI a day, condom use is absolutely essential for the prevention of infections.

DFP: What about condom use during oral sex or anal play?
RHE: Oral and anal sex can't cause pregnancy, and it's very low risk for HIV. However, oral sex can put both partners at risk for other sexually transmitted infections, including gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, and syphilis, among others. Using condoms to cover the penis or Glyde dams to cover the vulva or anus can reduce the risk of infection.

Do teens use protection for oral sex? Most say they don't. The NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics) study found the same — only nine percent of the teens surveyed reported using condoms for oral sex. Since abstinence-only education doesn't teach about safer sex, many teens may not be aware of how to reduce their risk of infection during oral sex.

DFP: If I were a virgin, what would you tell me would be the best, foolproof way to prevent the transmission of STDs or unwanted pregnancy?

RHE: Well, of course, virgin or not, I am going to tell you that abstinence is the ONLY foolproof method to prevent the transmission of STIs or unwanted pregnancies. And every time I ask this question to students, they "recite" the word "abstinence" while rolling their eyes. They know the rhetoric and they still crave more information. That's why abstinence-only based sex ed doesn't work. We are also telling kids there is a second foolproof "method" and that is masturbation (which is always greeted by giggles no matter what age is in my audience). But then they always look around to see how others react. I just think they are not used to anyone giving them "permission" to masturbate and for good reason.

DFP: What are some of the things people can do instead of intercourse, to keep safer?

RHE: It's always important to remember that, besides abstinence, everything carries some risk. But the teenwire website lists the following as safer sex activities. Please note, I do not teach this in my presentations. So many uninformed people think we demonstrate how to put on condoms with bananas or how flavored and colored condoms add to foreplay. I have never brought that into my presentations esp with teens. I know some things just because I know them, and of course, anyone can look on various websites which will answer their curious questions, but I don't want people to think I am conducting seminars on how to have safer sex. With that in mind, here is a list of those activities, just in case you've forgotten in your haste to "knock boots."

Kissing
Prolonged, deep kissing, or "making out," is a wonderful way to feel sexual without going further than you're comfortable going. Although kissing is considered a lower-risk kind of sex play when compared to intercourse and oral sex, it is possible — not likely, but possible — for kissing to transmit CMV, hepatitis B, herpes, and syphilis. CMV and hepatitis B can be present in saliva, and herpes and syphilis can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact, particularly at times when sores are present. But relative to other kinds of sex play, kissing is a very low-risk activity. Which is one reason that there is so much of it going on!

A Word About Masturbation
Masturbation gets a bad rap. In olden days, some people thought "self-love" caused blindness and sterility. In fact, masturbation is the safest, most common way to be sexual. And masturbation doesn't always have to happen alone: watching each other masturbate can be exciting and can help you learn how he or she likes to be touched.

Outercourse, Of Course
Generally, "outercourse" means sex play without vaginal intercourse. Depending on personal preference, it can involve kissing, massage, masturbation, "frottage" (rubbing bodies together), sharing fantasies — including cybersex and phone sex, anal sex play (exploring one another's anus/rectum with hands, mouths), and oral sex play (touching one another's genitals with mouths). Advantages of outercourse include:

Safer Sex
Unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse are very high-risk activities for dangerous sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Abstaining from them significantly reduces the risk of infection. Abstaining from unprotected oral sex, further reduces the risk.
Contraception
As long as no semen or pre-ejaculate enters the vagina, outercourse will not result in pregnancy.
Psychological Relief
You may feel anxious or unprepared for intercourse. Outercourse can relieve the pressure to have it.
Sexual Fulfillment
Outercourse can increase intimacy and help women have fulfilling orgasms. (Men don't usually have to worry about reaching orgasm, but outercourse can help them learn to slow down and enjoy themselves and their partners more.)

Consider what kinds of sex play are okay (and not okay) with you, and discuss preferences with your partner. Try to broach the subject before you and your partner get started; setting limits is harder when you're in the middle of something hot and heavy.

If One Thing Leads to Another

One risk of outercourse: getting carried away. When things get steamy, resolve can weaken, and you can end up having unprotected sex. So always have condoms available. Some people enjoy outercourse with condoms. And if there's any chance you might have vaginal or anal intercourse, you will be prepared! Bottom line: be sure pre-ejaculate and semen don't get into the vagina.

Any kind of genital, anal/genital, oral/genital, or oral/anal contact can transmit infection. Guys receiving oral sex can reduce the risk of infection by wearing condoms. A girl can have her partner hold a cut-open condom, a Glyde® Dam, or dental dam (a small, thin square of latex) against her vulva. Placing latex over the anus can also reduce risk during anal sex play.

You can explore your sexuality without having intercourse. But no matter how you choose to be sexy, do it safely.

Taken from Foreplay 411 at Teenwire.com.

DFP: What is virginity and why do people need to understand what their partner's definition of virginity is?

RHE: Very good question. First off, many of us have different definitions so the first thing to do is determine if you and your partner are using the same definition. Secondly, it's fine if you think virginity means not ever having sex, but I then ask "what kind of sex?" Sexual intercourse? Oral sex? Anal sex? A lot of teens are having oral and anal sex so they can still say they are virgins. But in the medical world, the definition of virginity is someone who has never had any kind of sex, oral, anal, or vaginal. And that's because some of these infections can be transmitted skin to skin. So saying you're a virgin does not mean you don't have a disease. Not to mention you (or the other person) could be lying. There is no medical test for virginity (despite what your mother told you to scare the beejeezus out of you). You are the only one who knows the truth.

DFP: Do you have any suggestions for what to say if my partner tries to get out of using a condom, whether during penetration or oral sex.

RHE: While I present on topics such as birth control and STIs, I also teach about communication, healthy decision making, consent, and many more topics that involve sexuality. So many people think that sex ed is all about sex, and it's so much more. Sexuality begins at birth and continues to the grave. And we encourage young people to learn more information while learning about themselves. To that, I encourage my audience to believe they are so important that they deserve not only to ask for a condom but demand a condom if their partner balks. There should be enough light to check expiration dates on condoms. They should be stored correctly. And yes, I encourage practicing before you get into the heat of the moment. Why? Because you should believe you are worth keeping healthy (and unimpregnated). I tell the girls in my classes that if a guy tells them they can't find a condom that fits them, tell them to think again. (FYI: 28 limes can fit into a condom. Since when is he that big?) If she says, "Don't worry about diseases. I'm on the Pill," I'm here to tell you that there is only one birth control method that prevents disease so don't believe her. Knowledge is power and I am encouraging young people to believe they are worth the truth. And I also encourage them to go tell their friends the truth. Yes, it's about self esteem and being adamant that you are worth keeping healthy. Demanding high standards is just the beginning, but it's a necessary beginning. I tell the people in my presentations to make a decision today that they are worth a condom each and every time they have sex. That's all I can do. The rest is up to them.

DFP: Anything else you would like to add?
RHE: I am in the generation that learned about VD (venereal disease for you youngins) and there were two of them: syphilis and gonorrhea. And they were curable. When my daughters were taking health, I learned the term STD (sexually transmitted disease), and there were many more and several of them were treatable but not curable. I started this job and they changed the term to STI (sexually transmitted infection), and I thought I couldn't keep up with the changes. But here's why. When we imagine a disease, we think of some skanky, decrepit, pock-marked face. Narsty, as my daughters would say. Well, truth be told, so many of these infections have no symptoms. You didn't want to hear that, did you? You want to think that every single one of these horrible symptoms, red flags if you will, that signal you need to go get medical attention. But, for instance, 75% of females and 50% of males show no symptoms for chlamydia. Yikes. 80% of women show no symptoms for gonorrhea (while only 10% of men don't have symptoms for "the clap"). What's that about? The term was changed from STD to STI because people are more likely to get an infection treated, like strep or staph, even when you can't see it. Our minds tell us to get treated when we have infections, and we know that you can't always see strep or staph or herpes or HPV. So for those people who have heard both terms, they are the same thing, but it's the way we think about them that is different.

And a final note: I have presented at older communities that request "free condoms." When I put my brain on "hold" (as I often have to do so that my head doesn't explode), I ask, "And why is that?" I am told that they run out and need more. And I ask, "How do you know you need them?" And the answer is "because our STI rates are sky-rocketing." And yes, I want to etch-a-sketch that image out of my head. But the truth is, older people who don't have to worry about pregnancy are also uninformed and think they don't need protection from infections. (Remember, my generation never wore helmets or seat belts!) But they couldn't be more wrong. So while I am more often presenting to young people, you're never too old to learn this information. You never know what the future brings. I never thought I would be single at 50. But I am. And now I am single, 50, and very educated about STIs. (And yes, my kids roll their eyes at my new profession and, at the same time, love what I do for a living.)

Wouldn't I be a fun mom to have hanging around your house?

'Our sexlife has become... "vanilla"'

2007-08-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

The end of July, I received a reader question from fiesty feline, a new sexblogger. I can't believe that much time has elapsed and I am just now getting to her question.

I could make some excuses about how busy I have been but honestly, the number one reason I have put off answering this question is fear. I know what advice I want to give fiesty feline, but I know certain aspects of my opinion could be offensive. But I'm getting a little ahead of myself now.

Here's what she emailed me:

I recently got married to my wonderful hubby, but our sexlife has become...'vanilla' as I've heard it stated over and over again. I've been...stubborn in my sexlife. Though, I guess it has just as much to do with hubby. I'm interested in light bondage and other taboo activities (Ponyplay, mainly) and hubby doesn't like to play the dominant role. I know you won't be able to respond before tonight, but for future insight...How do you get your partner to understand that you -really- want to be submissive? I'm in control of almost everything else and just...I want to be able to loose control of everything. Hubby says he feels stupid when he tries, but I love it...I'd love MORE. Do you have any suggestions?

I asked her more questions over the course of several emails and here is what I pieced together.
Fiesty feline and her now-husband met and started an affair when she was married. This marriage made her feel like a "piece of meat". Her husband was allowed to have girlfriends as long as she knew about it and occasionally got to play too, but she was not allowed boyfriends. After her first husband died, fiesty feline and her current husband decided to get married. However, she says she still feels like she is dealing with guilt and withdrawn during sex.

She says:

He wants to do new things, I have an excuse for everything:

Him: Lets do it on the couch.
Me: We have dogs, do you know how much dog hair is on there?

Him: Let's do it on the kitchen counter:
Me: It hurts my ass. (I've had 6 surgeries on my tail bone)

But then, there are things I like or would like to try...light bondage, slave roles, ponyplay (yes, that's kind of out there for anyone, but for some reason it makes me hot). When it comes to these things, hubby says that -he- feels dumb because he doesn't know what he's doing. Our sex is just that...sex. There's no romance really, there's no nothing other than sex. You have the option of soft and slow or hard and fast...that's about all the variety there is.

Also:

My current husband and I have discussed the possibility of me having a girlfriend. I do like women but have had only flitting relations with them. My husband seems to think that by having a girlfriend I may become more open in my sexuality.

Since fiesty feline emailed me, she has written a post at her blog stating that she is actively looking for a dom.

Here is my answer to her:

I'm not an expert by any means, but I do have some ideas. First off, I strongly suggest that you and your husband get some counseling. Those guilty feelings that you talked about are left over from the fact that your relationship started out as an affair. When your first husband passed away, the affair was no longer something that could hurt him - but that doesn't mean that the feelings of guilt will automatically go away.

A counselor will be able to help you two work though those feelings and focus your energy on the present, not the past. If ignored, these issues could become even larger and more problematic to the marriage.

Secondly, I think you and your husband need to put any plans to bring another person into the sexual relationship to a screeching halt - for now.

It's no secret that I am all about monogamy, meaning I don't believe in sex outside a married or committed relationship. I think threesomes or open marriages are opening up the original relationship to serious problems. However, I also respect the right of two (or three or more) consenting adults to do what they want with their bodies - as long as it's physically and emotionally safe for everyone involved.

In this case, my opinions on monogamy aren't my main reason for advising you not to start a relationship with a dom or find a girlfriend. I strongly feel that, in this case, you and your husband need to work though your sexual issues before bringing in another potentially complicating factor.

If you and your husband want to pursue bringing someone into your bedroom, you certainly have that right. But since you asked my opinion, I believe you should wait until you have had a chance to improve your current sex life with your husband as well as your relationship overall.

So, other than going to a counselor, are there some things you can start to do right now to spice things up in the bedroom? Hell yes. Start today!

First off, have you and your husband communicated about this? It might sound silly for me to ask that, but I believe there is so much in a relationship that can be worked out through better communication. That's an area a counselor can help you guys improve.

Next, let's talk about your hesitation to try something new. Sure, if having sex on the kitchen counter hurts your ass your probably not going to want to do that. But there are things you can do to get around that. If it hurts your ass, try sitting on a couple of pillows or some fluffy towels. What about sex furniture? I've been drooling over the stuff at the Liberator.com. If the couch is covered in dog hair, grab a blanket and throw it down before you guys get busy.

It sounds like you know what you are doing is making it hard for your lover to be spontaneous. And, married or not, rejection is hard to take. Think how you feel when you've asked him to indulge you in your fantasies.

Another point I want to touch on is initiating sex. Both partners should be the first to initiate sex at different times - it shouldn't be up to one person, be that the one with a penis or the one with a vagina. And, don't try to keep track - as in I seduced him last time it's his turn to do it tonight. The secret to a loving relationship is giving, not holding back. So even if you feel you are more often the giver, give more anyway. In most cases, your partner is going to feel the love and start giving back on his own.

I think of a couple that my husband and I are friends with. The wife has told me that her husband no longer wants to cuddle with her at night, he doesn't even want her facing him in bed because she breathes on him. At the same time, the husband complained to my husband that she never gives him blowjobs anymore. They are making the mistake of holding back - I'm not getting what I need so why should I give him what he wants? Perhaps if he started holding her more and kissing her fingers, as he used to do when they were first dating, she would be more inclined to suck his lonely cock.

So, don't be like that couple. Give to your partner with no expectation of getting back.

Plan a sexual adventure. If you know what time he's going to be home from work, be ready, with candles lit and you wearing some sexy lingerie. Give him a back massage while telling him a fantasy. Take a bubble bath together. If possible, arrange to spend a night in a hotel, even if it's in the town you live in. He will notice and appreciate it, I guarantee. I can't promise every person will reciprocate with giving of his or her own, but most will.

As for your interest in dominance and pony play, certainly, explore it! I completely understand what you mean when you say you crave being "forced" or "made" to do something during sex. I love the submissive role.

I guess all I can say is that you need to talk to your husband about how much it turns you on to be dominated. Try to use "I" statements rather than attacking him with "you" statements. I'd say you need to start small, with dirty talk and some spanking, rather than expecting him to just dive right on in. Perhaps he will never understand your interest in pony play, but that doesn't mean he can't push his boundaries and learn to give you more dominance in bed because he knows what it means to you.

What I hope can happen here is changes from both of you. If you can put yourself out there for him by initiating sex more, working to fulfilling his fantasies and please him, perhaps he will be more open to exploring your fantasies.

Sealed with a kiss

2007-08-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

As much as possible, my husband and I eat our meals together. I'm able to come home on my lunch breaks and he does the same for lunch or supper, depending on whether he is working a day shift or a night shift.

Yesterday, after lunch, I leaned in to give him a quick kiss goodbye. He kissed me once. Then he reached up, pulled me closer and kissed me deeply, searchingly.

"Mmmm," he said, and ran his hand between my legs, over my dress pants. "Why don't you just stay here and we can make some lovin'."

Unfortunately, I was late getting back to work as it was and I wasn't able to take him up on his very tantalizing offer. Still, his attentions were appreciated. It made me feel very wanted and desired. I kept smiling to myself throughout the rest of the day.

And, don't worry, I took him up on his offer for some lovin' as soon as it was possible.

Waiting for more interviews

2007-08-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Today, for the first Wednesday in more than four months, there will be no Waiting for it Wednesday (WFIW) interview. There are several people that have my interview questions but have not yet emailed me the answers yet. Some may never complete the project while I do expect others to follow through.

I don't see the fact that there is a gap in interviews as a bad thing at all. I'm very happy with the way this series turned out. For 21 solid weeks people have told their stories. A few of the stories were sad. Others felt good about their choices. I learned something from all of them, and I hope others feel the same way.

WFIW has evolved since I first started it. In the beginning I only thought of interviewing virgins, those that were waiting for some reason, be it religious influence or circumstance. But non-virgins were interested in being interviewed as well so I opened it up to everybody. While I've enjoyed reading both kinds of interviews, it's the people that have already have had sex that have the best perspective for passing on wisdom to others. It's a cliche, but a true cliche: hindsight is 20/20.

I've learned so much from reading the various interviews. For example, when I started this series, I had no idea there were people out there that considered virginity a curse, the albatross around their neck.

At first, I had this vague idea about showing people a new perspective - my perspective. I wanted to show them that there are still people out there that are saving sex for marriage, or at least for the person they plan to marry. While I still think that's a good message - it helps others that have made that decision feel less alone - that's not what WFIW is about anymore.

WFIW is about showing all kinds of perspectives, not just one. It's about talking openly about virginity and the first time people have sex. It's about learning from others. It's about putting thought into what will be best for you. It's about valuing yourself - whatever your decision turns out to be.

I know WFIW isn't everybody's favorite. Some people have told me they avoid reading on Wednesdays just so they don't have to encounter the interviews. That's OK. It's not for everybody.

And, WFIW doesn't get as many comments as other things I write. Some have told me they enjoy reading but hesitate to comment because they 1. don't know what to say, or 2. don't want to offend anyone.

On the other hand, those that participate in the interviews seem to really get something out of it. I have been told, more than once, that thinking through their answers helped them process information about themselves and their decisions. Even if all I do is help the people that I interview, that would be plenty for me.

Another thing that has bothered me is the titles: virgins and non-virgins. First off, people define virginity differently. Although it's technically not correct, as activities like oral sex are still sex, but in this forum I'm defining a virgin as someone that has not had intercourse.

Secondly, there is so much more to people than just their sexual status. Those that do not have sexual experience have so much more in their lives than just their virginity. And, in the same way, those that have already have sex are so much more than their sexual selves. Still, in this context, virgin and non-virgin seem like the most clear way to define things. Those that are interviewed will just have to trust that I consider them more than just a category.

Waiting for it Wednesday is going to continue for as long as people are interested in being interviewed. If nobody steps forward, I guess that means it has come to an end. But anyone that wants to participate is certainly welcome.

Now I want to open things up for feedback. What do you all think of WFIW? Love it? Hate it? Is there anything you would change? In what ways, if any, do you think it is valuable?

For more information on how to participate click here.

Arousal through words

2007-08-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

A while ago, I received a very interesting question from a reader. It has taken a while for me to find time to answer his question, but I'm finally getting around to it.

(I also have another reader question to answer, so if you sent me a question and are wondering when I'm going to get to it, don't worry, it's on my list.)

Here is the question:

I was wondering just how fully can a woman be aroused through words? Being a hypnotherapist, I know the power of language, and in my field have heard about everything including but not limited to; orgasms cued by a vocal signal, prolonged orgasm (up to 1/2 hr.), full body orgasms, ect ect... Anyway I was just wondering if you have had any experience in that area?
Thanks for your time,
Matt

I love this question. Whether they are trained to hypnotize people or not, anyone can harness the power of arousal though words. More people should, in fact.

I would say that none of the things you mention, orgasms cued by a vocal signal, prolonged orgasm or full body orgasms, are out of the realm of possibility. From what I know about the feminine orgasm, I would not doubt those things have happened or could happen due to hypnosis.

Words can be extremely helpful in the arousal process. I have had some experience with this, yes. Words have the power to make me very horny, specifically by starting the natural process that makes me wet and ready for sex. Sometimes tender words of love are the catalyst. Other times it's all about domination.

Specifically, I can recall a time when my husband did nothing by way of foreplay but tell me all the reasons he loved me. Besides the fact that it made me cry, in a good way, it prepared me for sex just as effectively as all the physical things he typically does. It also resulted in tender, orgasmic and very memorable lovemaking.

Another time, my husband used dominant language to really crank up the volume on sexy. As he stroked my clit, he told me I was his bitch, his whore, that I belonged only to him. I could feel a direct correlation between his words and stronger pleasure sensations. In fact, his words prompted several orgasms - the instant he spoke bliss erupted.

I've never had an orgasm that lasted even close to a half an hour, but I have had orgasms where I could not tell where one ended and the next one began. Some women have one giant orgasm, which can last a long time, comparatively. I fall into the multiple orgasm camp of women, meaning I have yet to reach a point where I could not orgasm anymore - exaction is more likely to get me first.

As for full body orgasms, I can confirm that there is such a thing. Not all orgasms are created equal and the full body orgasm is just that - an orgasm that effects your whole body.

That having been said, when it comes right down to it, words aren't directly responsible for arousal. It's the woman's brain that, as a result of the words, sends the pleasure signals. When looked at that way, it explains how I am able to orgasm while giving my husband a blowjob - with no direct stimulation to my clit. Because I am enjoying what I am doing, my brain is telling me I'm aroused, which results in a no-contact orgasm.

It stands to reason, if I was patient enough, I could possibly have a no-contact orgasm prompted only by words. I guess I have a homework assignment to work on now. Sigh. What a trying job.

Now, the disclaimer. Some women orgasm more easily than others. I myself had trouble orgasming from penetration for the first six months I had sex. However, my husband and I have worked together to push the limits on my capacity to orgasm. Today my orgasms are much stronger, more easily attainable and quicker to show up for the party. So, although I would say the things you mention are possible, since every woman is different it would not be wise to assume it applies to everyone that owns a clitoris.

Finally, I don't know much about hypnotherapy. I've never been hypnotized nor have I seen it happen. So I can't tell you from direct experience that hypnosis is a path to big Os. However, from what little I know about the things that hypnosis can prompt people to do, I would suspect that it could give women orgasms.

Hypnosis or not, the spoken word, or more accurately, the brain, is a powerful tool to titillate and arouse a woman. Before you break out your pocket watch, try words alone and see what happens. As long as you are sincere, tender words of love will get great results with almost any woman. And, in the right context, words of domination and control do it for a lot of women as well.

So, whether you are lubing her up for sex at some later time or using words during the sex act - use words. You might be surprised at what happens.

A hazardous job

2007-08-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Road construction workers face drivers that don't obey lowered speed limits and drive crazily through their work space.

Police officers face drunk, belligerent and possibly armed criminals.

Jockeys face high strung thoroughbreds.

What does someone like me, who writes about sex, have to face? Horniness. Intense horniness.

OK, so maybe it's not as big of a problem as those whose careers put them in actual danger. As an erotic writer, I'll never have to lose life or limb due to my job. But it sure can be distracting.

Yesterday I was working on my book, The Dirty Princess, and I was just having the worst time concentrating. I was feeling so horny I was actually squirming in my chair.

I wanted to wake my husband up in the worst way and just attack him. But, since he had to work the night shift I knew I had to let him sleep.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I thought to myself, "I'll just check and see how things are going down there."

So I put one leg up on my computer chair and slid my fingers inside my sleeping shorts. I was wearing Chad's favorite pair, the ones with the really roomy, loose legs that make everything so easy access. And I didn't have anything on underneath them.

Things were wet. Very wet. I moaned a little as I explored a little deeper. The book was momentarily forgotten.

Of course, even though all I planned to do was check, once my fingers were on my pussy I couldn't take them off until I had what I wanted. So I put my feet up on the filing cabinet next to my desk and proceeded to get rid of some sexual energy.

It didn't take long at all. In fact, it was probably the fastest and most satisfying self-induced orgasm I'd had in a long time.

Afterward, I was able to concentrate on writing so much better. I was calmer and much more focused.

It's the same when I work on my blog. In fact, it also happens when I read other blogs, something I have, unfortunately, had little time to do lately. Sometimes I just have to take a break to take care of business.

Of course, all my sexual energy isn't directed inward. That's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. It also makes me want more sex with my husband. Perhaps that's the real reason he's so supportive of all this. Wait until I tell him he has to quit his job and stay with me full time so when I have these urges I can skip the finger or the toy and go right to the good stuff - him.

By the way, if you'd like to read a little more about why Daniel Rose asked me to write this book in the first place, go to his blog, The Sex God Method, for more information.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part VIII

2007-08-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

Educating yourself

Before wrapping this series up, there is one more thing I wanted to touch on. Learning the proper names for and functions of male and female sexual organs.

When he first emailed me, C said:

"... I would be totally ignorant of female anatomy down there had I not looked at a website a couple of days ago. This is embarrassing for me."

First off, bravo to you for finding out for yourself what a woman looks like. At first glance, it may seem odd that you are just learning that now. However, I would counter that a lot of people, women included, don't know as much as they should about what the female sex organs look like. By looking the information up on the Internet, C has taken a good first step to becoming a knowledgeable sexual partner that is concerned with a woman's pleasure as well as his own.

A good resource for anyone interested in learning more about female sexuality is The Clitoris.com, which has a huge amount of information. In fact, there's so much information to wade through it can be overwhelming. However, I have found some very interesting information there.

One of the things I like the best about this Web site is that it shows real pictures of real woman, rather than sanitized drawings for its diagrams. This clearly illustrates something a lot of people don't understand, that women's vulvas are shaped very differently.

While there is a whole section on a woman's anatomy, I found this page, locating your vagina, to have the best selection of photographs. The page is written as a resource for women not familiar with and anxious about exploring their vaginas. In this context, the text isn't as important as the pictures.

Another good resource is teenwire.com, which doesn't have to be just for teens. A fellow blogger recommended this site and it is full of great information for the beginner.

There's a great page with diagrams and other relevant information about male and female sexual organs. If you click on the artist renderings of the male and female body it defines each part for you. There's also articles called, vulva: an owners manual and penis: an owners manual, which both have good information. Go there, read and learn.

Next, let's talk a little bit about proper terminology. While a lot of people use the term vagina to describe a woman's external sexual organs, it's actually about the internal organs. Dictionary.com defines vagina as: "The passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals."

The vulva is actually a more correct word to describe a woman's external and internal genital organs. It's the whole package and includes "the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, and vestibule of the vagina," according to the same source. (Check out the above sources for more information on these terms.)

I've used the terms vagina and vulva interchangeably. I think that's OK. It's personal preference. Don't worry, there won't be a quiz on all this later. However, it's always good to know how to use the terms correctly no matter what words you actually use in conversation.

Speaking of using words in conversation, the words vagina and vulva are only helpful to a point. When talking to a real live girl in the context of actual sex, those words aren't likely the ones you will want to use.

"I want to lick your vulva now," would probably induce more laughter than orgasms.

"I'm going to stick my penis in your vagina," isn't really that sexy either.

The "slang" word I use most often is pussy. It's a nice, all encompassing word with a less clinical feel than vulva or vagina. There are plenty of other words people use, such as beaver, coochie, snatch, kitty, fur burger, twat or punani. Wikitionary has a nice list of other slang words here.

Just be careful how you use the words. Some women have some strong objections to certain words. Some more objectionable might include gash, axe wound, cunt, slit or meat curtains.

The whole point in all of this is that it's a good idea to educate yourself. Knowing both the proper terminology and slang for male and female organs is a good step in the right direction. And, knowing how all these body parts work together during sex is an even better idea.

As I bring this series to a close, I want to thank C, who originally emailed me, asking for some basic sex tips for guys. Hopefully there are some others out there that can learn something by reading this series.

Each and every person is different. They have their own preferences and ideas about sex. This series was not meant to be a step by step manual on having sex. It was only meant to give the beginner some ideas on where to start. From there, the learning and growing process is up to the individual person.

It doesn't matter if you are a beginner to sex or have years, even decades of sexual experience. The key to good sex is variety and experimentation. If you get stuck in a rut of having sex the same way each time, it's going to get monotonous before long. Surprise her. Change the place, the time, they way you go about seducing her.

While change is good, on the other hand, that doesn't mean you have to pressure yourself to reinvent the wheel each and every time. If something works for two people, by all means, they should make use of that. Even just a small change will help keep things fresh.

Go home by clicking here.

Some changes afoot

2007-08-09T06:44:00.000-07:00

So, if you haven't heard by now, I'm writing a book about my sex life. I'm not doing it as Dirty Filthy Princess, though that name has served me well. I'm Holly Waters. The title of the book is going to be The Dirty Princess.

Some of you have noticed I have a new email address. You can still reach me by emailing the old email address, but the best way to reach me is at holly (at) thedirtyprincess.com.

And, yes, that means what you think it means. For now, I'll still be blogging here at my blogger site. At some point, however, I'll switch to thedirtyprincess.com. There's some exciting things planned for the new Web site and I can't wait!

Also, I wanted to re-publish this comment from Daniel. It was in the comments of my post explaining that I was writing a book. Since it's nice things about me, I couldn't help but worry that some of you might have missed it. ;-) So here it is again:

For all those who don't know me, I'm Dan from Sex God Method. I've been talking with Holly about the book for a while, and believe me -- I'm just as excited as her that it's happening.

I discovered Holly's blog a few months back, and I thought it was amazing -- she somehow manages to capture the essence of great sex on her blog in a way very few people can.

And I think the book will be great. Men will be able to read it to find out what women REALLY want -- all the good stuff they don't tell you in sex ed. Women will be able to read the book and be inspired to have better sex -- because after all, if Holly can do it in her relationship, so can you. And for everyone, it'll be a very exciting read.

Sex God Method will be handling the design, editing, production, etc. of the book...so a few months down the line, we'll all be able to enjoy a beautiful printed book written by Holly.

I can't wait.

Dan
The Sex God Method

Chad and I are heading to his parents for a couple of days so this will be my last post until Sunday. Talk to you when I return!

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 21

2007-08-08T06:50:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: If you missed it, see the post below, which explains about the book I'm working on.

This week, we will hear from Elizabeth Penmark, a 35-year-old woman who is currently dating. She very eloquently tells the sad story of how she chose to first have sex at age 16 and how that effected her negatively. It's a long story, but I have included it here with very little editing because I feel it is well written and something others can learn from.

Here is what she had to say:

DFP: Tell us about the first time you had sex.

The year I turned 16 was a turning point for me in many ways. That was the year that I got my first job, the year my mother married my step-father, the year I moved away from my childhood town and school, and the year I lost my virginity. Looking back, I can see how all of those events were woven together like a tapestry. If any one of the previous had not happened, I may have remained a virgin. My life may have been very different. But that is hindsight. And hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

I grew up in a small town in Arkansas with a population of about 3,000. We were poor, and became even more so after my mother and father divorced when I was 14. I really needed a job as a teenager because my mom couldn’t afford the various school expenses associated with different clubs and activities. I frequented a corner grocery store, walking down for various items as my mom needed them. It was a mom and pop thing run by two brothers who also ran a convenience store. The brother who the store was named after was a nice guy, so on the day I turned 16, I walked down to the store, bought a can of green beans, and asked for a job. He said he didn’t have much for me, but he could give me a few hours. I started the following weekend.

The first day on the job, I was taught to run the cash register. I thought it was pretty cool, and something I could definitely deal with. Unfortunately, that was the one and ONLY time I ever ran the cash register. Thereafter, my job of about 16 hours a week consisted of two activities – stocking the soda refrigerator and cutting coupons.

About the time I started, the guy who hired me started spending less time at the grocery store and more time at the convenience store. His brother, Blake, started to run the grocery store more and more. Blake was in his mid-thirties, single, an alcoholic, and a jerk. The reason he had me fill the soda fridge instead of the teenage guys who worked there is because he liked to watch me carry the heavy bottles of soda and then bend over repeatedly. In fact, he enjoyed it so much that he invited his friends over to watch too. Grown men would stand behind me making lewd comments as I bent over before them. But that was only the beginning for Blake. Although I had never heard the term “sexual harassment” at that point in my life, that is definitely what I suffered at his hands.

Blake called me at home while he was drunk to try to persuade me to go for a ride in his sports car. Repeatedly. Every single day that I worked he asked me to go out with him. After a while, he grew weary of my refusals, and started to just get mean about it. He would tell me in front of his friends and my co-workers that he was doing me a favor by asking me out. He said I was far too “sweet and innocent” and that no man would ever want me that way. He said if I just let him take me out and break me in, I would be much more desirable to other men. Every time I said no, he would leer at me and say, “No one will ever want you.” I can still hear it to this day. He also began to get just plain gross with me. An example was his invitation for me to go in the bathroom with him and “hold it for him while he peed.”

Why did I put up with that crap? Well, remember that I was a young girl on my first job in a very economically depressed area. It’s not like there were other jobs out there for me. And, to be quite honest, at that point I didn’t quite realize that wasn’t how everyone was treated on the job. That is also why I cut the coupons.

Every Sunday I spent at least eight hours with no breaks cutting coupons. Yes, literally, cutting coupons from the Sunday paper. The brothers got hundreds of papers. The two guys I worked with and I would pull out the coupons from the papers and sit all day cutting them out. Then we would crinkle them to make them look like they had been in some old lady’s purse, and put them into big bushel baskets.

The guys I worked with were poor, too, so none of us ever brought in any food. We didn’t get a lunch break anyway. But after a few hours, we all got very hungry. The guys took turns sneaking out into the store and stealing boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes to bring back for us to eat. Those were the best Little Debbie cakes I ever had in my life. I can’t walk by that Little Debbie display in the grocery store to this day without thinking about those stolen cakes. One of the guys was named J.D. He was a junior in high school. I was a sophomore. I was a smart girl, a bit on the nerdy side. He hung at the back of the school where the rougher crowd gathered. I developed a very strong crush on J.D.

In the meantime, my mom met my step-father, and they dated over the course of the year. They made plans to be married in the summer between my sophomore and junior year. Then, we were all to move to northern Arkansas to a tiny town with a population of about 200. I was devastated. School was finally becoming okay for me. I was by no means popular, but neither was I ridiculed or teased. I had this big crush on J.D. I was at the top of my class and had a shot for scholarships for local colleges. Not to mention the fact that my sister and I couldn’t stand the man our mother was to marry.

I became increasingly depressed about the impending move and marriage. Although my life wasn’t great, it was all I knew, and I couldn’t help but to believe it would only get worse after the move.

This part is hard to describe. I don’t know if anyone will understand it unless you’ve felt it. But I’ll do my best to convey it in words. I was hurting on a very deep emotional level. I felt as if my world were about to crumble. My mom and I weren’t getting along well. We had grown apart after her divorce from my father. I felt lonely and scared and vulnerable. I felt that I simply couldn’t stand to hurt any more than I already was. I felt betrayed by my mom for marrying this man who had a very obvious lack of desire to take in two teenage girls. I felt betrayed that she was moving me at a critical point in my schooling and perhaps making it impossible for me to attain scholarships in the future. I felt hurt all around. So, in my warped sense of existence, I began to look to other areas of my life where I could possibly be hurt. I thought that I needed to harden myself and free myself of any vulnerability before anyone else had the chance to jump on it. The vulnerability that I identified was my virginity. After the experiences that year with Blake, I began to fear that at some point I would be hurt by my virginity. Maybe I’d fall for a guy and give myself to him only to find he didn’t care for me. It was a part of myself that I valued and protected despite constant pressure from Blake. I began to feel that if I didn’t somehow destroy that precious part of me on my own, someone else would do it for me, and it would hurt much worse. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking incredibly logically. My mind was clouded by hurt, and I felt lonely. I had no one to talk to or seek comfort from since my mom and I were somewhat estranged, and I wasn’t close to any other family members, nor did I have any close friends. I decided the virginity had to go. I had to do it before someone discovered that vulnerability in me and used it to hurt me.

I decided that the guy would be my crush from work, J.D. So, as nonchalantly as possible, I approached him in the hallway at school and said, without prelude, “So, do you want to fuck me?” To understand how incredibly preposterous this whole scenario was, you have to understand who I was at the time. I was a very shy, kind of nerdy girl who got straight A’s in school. I had been on very few dates. In fact, at one point my mom even allowed me to skip school to go on a date one afternoon as she was so worried by the fact that I wasn’t “social enough”! She even wrote a note for me saying I had a dentist’s appointment! I never drank. I certainly never smoked or did anything illegal. The highlight of my Friday night was 20/20 on television for Heaven’s sake! And here I was asking a guy to fuck me? It was the first time in my entire life I used that word aloud.

To his credit, J.D. said no. I think he had a bit of a crush on me as well and had some respect for me. I think he knew I was hurting, and I don’t believe that he wanted to use me. That’s quite a lot for a 17-year-old male being propositioned in such a way. However, I had my mind made up, and I can be very persistent. I kept broaching the subject with him again and again at school and at work until he finally relented. He claimed that he was not a virgin, but looking back, I don’t know if that was true or not.

He took me to his uncle’s house (where he was living) one afternoon. We sat on the couch together watching television while he drank beer. I was beginning to learn at that point that J.D. had a drinking problem. With the knowledge I have now as an adult, I would say he was a teenage alcoholic. Once he was sufficiently buzzed to calm his nerves, he led me to his uncle’s bed. He kissed me once I believe, and that was the extent of our foreplay. We got undressed, he climbed on top of me and penetrated me. I was very dry and unprepared. His penetration was the most intense pain I have ever experienced in my life. That pain was even more intense than childbirth because, after all, I had an epidural for childbirth!

He pumped a brief amount of time. The pain eased up after his third or fourth thrust. Shortly after it began, it was over. He didn’t say anything or make any noise, so the only way I knew he had reached orgasm was because he got off of me, and I was wet and sticky. He didn’t say a word and walked out of the room. I asked where he was going. He said he was going to take a shower. I didn’t want to be alone at that point, so I followed him. I got into the shower with him and let the hot water run down my body. I was wondering if that was all there was. In an attempt to make the whole experience more than what it had been, I squatted before him in the shower and put my mouth around his penis. I gave him a short, feeble attempt at a blow job, and we got out of the shower. We got dressed and lay on the couch to watch tv again. Soon, I realized he was asleep, and I tried to awaken him. He wouldn’t wake up. He had passed out. So, I got up and left.

The next day my mom got married. The day after that we moved away, and I was still bleeding from the trauma. I was no longer a virgin.
What do you most regret about what happened?

I regret the fact that I didn’t respect myself more. I regret the fact that I didn’t know how to cherish myself and treat myself with the same respect I would have given anyone else.

Did anything good come out of it?

That was the beginning of a very long process for me of learning to love myself. I was disappointed in myself afterwards. I was ashamed. But I had to go on, and part of the moving on process was learning how to forgive myself the mistakes I made in my past and simply taking any lessons from them that I could. Loving myself is not a skill I have mastered yet. I believe it is something I will work on for the rest of my life. But the seeds of that skill were planted at that time when I felt all was lost, and I had to pick myself up and move on.

Did it affect you negatively and if so, how did you deal with it?

Yes, it did affect me negatively. Afterwards, since I was no longer a virgin, I didn’t think so hard about having sex with other guys I dated. I went through a phase in my life where I really didn’t know the difference between sex and love. I equated sex with love. It seemed to be all that guys wanted from me at that time. And quite often it felt like all I had to give. I think had I been a virgin still, I would have been much more thoughtful about who I had sex with. It wouldn’t have been a matter of course in my teenage relationships as it was after I lost it. Also, I think I would have been less confused about the relationship between love and sex. Perhaps by losing my virginity, I did accomplish my goal of hardening myself in certain ways. But in other ways, I made myself more vulnerable by placing myself in a world which I was not ready for.

What do you think would have helped you avoid this situation? Better sex ed? Parental influence?

I didn’t have any adults who I felt comfortable talking to in my life. I was on the outs with my mom. It was summer, so I didn’t have access to my trusted teachers. I wasn’t close to any other family members. I think had I had an adult to talk to, I could have been persuaded out of my actions. That experience has helped me to see how very important it is that my son always has a relationship with me where he feels he can talk to me about anything. I also think it is important that he has other trusted adults in his life. As an adult looking back, I don’t fault my mom. She did the best she could. She was struggling daily to put a roof over our heads and give us at least one meal a day. Times were hard. She was simply running on empty and had nothing to give. But I do feel that if she and I were on better terms, and I had talked to her or talked to another adult, the outcome may have been different.

What lessons would you like to pass on to others?

Love yourself and treat yourself with the same respect with which you treat others. This is hard for women, especially Southern women. Don’t sell yourself short. Sex and sexuality are very important aspects of who we are. Don’t push yourself to engage in it before you are ready on all levels. It is my personal belief that minors are simply not ready on an emotional level to take on the responsibility of sexual activity. I wasn’t, yet I was mature in most other aspects of my life. I am in my thirties now, and, in all honesty, I feel that I am just now at the point in my life where I can engage in an emotionally healthy sexual relationship with another. I certainly did it prior to now, but it wasn’t a joy for me. Waiting until you are ready on all levels is taking care of you. Some may be ready at 21 and others not until 35. That is okay. I can vouch for the fact that if you aren’t ready, you aren’t missing out on anything worth having.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

At this point, I don't have any scheduled interviews for next week. If anyone responds before next week, I will update the list at that time.

These people have interview questions from me:

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

a 38-year-old woman that had sex at over 30 years old

a 24-year-old male that has oral sex with his long-term girlfriend but is waiting for intercourse due to her decision to wait for marriage.

a 47-year-old male non-virgin currently in a ''steady committed" relationship.

an 18-year-old girl that is a virgin and has never been in a romantic relationship.

Wanna read my book?

2007-08-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to start. I guess I'll just repeat myself and say, the last few weeks have been swimmingly busy. This time I'm ready to tell you why.

When I said that there were some exciting things going on for me career-wise, I meant it. In my "real life" I'm a writer by profession and a few weeks ago Daniel Rose of The Sex God Method contacted me to ask if I was interested in writing a book about my sex life. It would be part of a product line to compliment the products under the name The Sex God Method, including his book by that same name.

First I thought I was going to throw up. Then I cried. I just couldn't process all the emotions going on in my head at the time.

I'm absolutely excited about this, despite my first impulse to leak fluids. I've always wanted to write a book - I just never knew about what. Now that I have the opportunity to write about sex I realize it's perfect. There really is no topic I would rather write about.

I've already started writing the book. It's going to be an account of how I got from a virgin at 26 years old to someone that absolutely loves her sex life. You'll see a lot of the same type of writing from my blog - erotic true stories about my sex life.

I will continue to blog throughout the process, answering reader questions, WFIW, random sex musings and all the stuff you are used to seeing here. I'll also be keeping you updated on the progress of the book. In fact, if you'll notice in my top left-hand sidebar you can now enter your email address to receive updates about its publish date and other information.

In the meantime, I'm coming out of the sexblogger closet, so to speak. This is a new career path I'm exploring and I'm loud and proud.

My name is Holly and my husband's name is Chad. These are the names our mothers call us, and now you can too. How lovely to meet you.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part VII

2007-08-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

Safe sex

As I began writing this series, I realized there was more and more I should say. I wanted to talk about the female orgasm, the importance of foreplay and oral sex. Then it hit me - safe sex. I couldn't leave out information about safe sex. That would be grossly irresponsible of me.

In my situation, a monogamous relationship, I don't use any protection other than birth control to keep the wee ones away. However, I know everyone is not in my same situation.

So I decided to put all the information into one post about safe sex. First off, some information from the American Social Health Association (ASHA):

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) affect people of all ages, backgrounds, and from all walks of life - in the U.S. alone there are approximately 19 million new cases each year, about half of which occur among youth ages 15-24 years.

Common STDs include: chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, herpes, HIV, HPV (human papillomarvirus), syphilis and trichomoniasis. ... The U.S. has the highest STD rates of any country in the industrialized world.

Approximately 18.9 million new cases of STDs (excluding HIV) occur each year in the U.S. More than half of all people will be infected with an STD at some point in their lifetime.

Bacterial STDs — such as gonorrhea and chlamydia — can be cured. Early treatment reduces their spread, as well as serious medical complications. Viral STDs — such as herpes, hepatitis B and HIV — can be effectively treated. However, at present there is no cure for viral STDs. Current testing and treatment technologies can stop the spread of STDs and eliminate some completely.

So, to help reduce the chance that you will contract a STD and prevent pregnancy what do you need to do? Wear a condom each and every time you have sex. It's just not worth it to take the chance.

As a beginner, one fear you may have is not knowing how to put on a condom correctly. I'd advise you to simply purchase one in advance and practice in the privacy of your own home. That should put your fears to rest.

A condom only works if used consistently and correctly, however. The ASHA lists these dos and don't on their Web site.

DOs:

DO use latex or polyurethane (plastic) condoms.
DO keep condoms in a cool, dry place.
DO put the condom on an erect (hard) penis before there is any contact with a partner's genitals.
DO use plenty of water-based lubricant (like KY Jelly® or Astroglide®) with latex condoms. This reduces friction and helps prevent the condom from tearing.
DO squeeze the air out of the tip of the condom when rolling it over the erect penis. This allows room for the semen (cum).
DO hold the condom in place at the base of the penis before withdrawing (pulling out) after sex.
DO throw the condom away after it's been used.

DON'Ts:

DON'T use out of date condoms. Check the expiration date carefully. Old condoms can be dry, brittle or weakened and can break more easily.
DON'T unroll the condom before putting it on the erect penis.
DON'T leave condoms in hot places like your wallet or in your car.
DON'T use oil-based products, like baby or cooking oils, hand lotion or petroleum jelly (like Vaseline®) as lubricants with latex condoms. The oil quickly weakens latex and can cause condoms to break.
DON'T use your fingernails or teeth when opening a condom wrapper. It's very easy to tear the condom inside. If you do tear a condom while opening the wrapper, throw that condom away and get a new one.
DON'T reuse a condom. Always use a new condom for each kind of sex you have.
DON'T regularly use lubricants with spermicide called nonoxynol-9 ("N-9") as they may cause skin irritation or tiny abrasions that make the genital skin more susceptible to STDs.

Of course, it isn't just during intercourse that you and your partner could be at risk of contracting an STD. Herpes and gonorrhea are the STDs that are most commonly transmitted during oral sex. HIV can also be transmitted during oral sex, most commonly by the person that performs oral sex.

The best resource I found for information on the possibility of transmitting an STD during oral sex was from the Health Promotion Office of the University of Rochester, which seems like an odd, but reputable source. Check it out for more information.

Also, the Centers for Disease Control has this resource, with more information about the possibility of transmitting HIV during oral sex or anal play.

According to these two sources:

When performing fellatio the receiver should wear a condom.

When performing cunnilingus there should be a latex barrier between the giver's mouth and the receiver's vulva. This barrier could be: a natural rubber latex sheet, a dental dam or a cut-open condom. Plastic food wrap is another option, according to the CDC.

These things may sound like a killjoy, yes, but imagine the terror at finding you have contracting an STD. To me, protecting yourself is a much lesser evil, compared to that.

Be safe and have fun.

To read part VII in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part VI

2007-08-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

Fucking

So I finally made it to the information about fucking for the beginner. It is by no accident that it took me quite a while to get to this point. That should reinforce the point I have been trying to make all along. There is more to sex than what the penis wants to do.

The reason I know this is because hard husband has taught me the value of taking plenty of time for exploratory sex. As a beginner, I was sometimes impatient, letting my horniness push me into rushing things. He taught me the value of slowing down and enjoying each step along the way.

When you and your partner are ready for intercourse I'd kiss her one last time for good measure. At this point, if you have followed my advice, you will both be smeared with each others juices, including your lips, mouths and faces. While some people are shy about kissing someone that just sucked their cock or licked their pussy, perhaps you and your partner won't be part of that group.

In my opinion, the best kind of sex is gloriously messy. If you are trying too hard to keep everything clean and compartmentalized, it's going to be hard to just relax and enjoy what is going on. To me, it is very accepting and loving when husband kisses me after I have been sucking on his cock. It tells me that he is not grossed out by what I have just been doing - which would be sad considering he is happy to have me do it.

Of course, different people have different feelings about this. So if your partner would rather not kiss after you have gone down on her, it's best to respect that.

So, pre-fuck kiss or not, the next step is to enter your lover. I can't tell you what position you should use, each person has their preferences, but I can give you some options.

The first time I had sex, I assumed it would be the way I'd seen it happen in Hollywood movies - the guy laying on top of the girl with the blankets laying chastely over them. (My now) husband threw the blankets where they belong - out of the way - and entered me on his knees in between my legs. (I was laying flat on my back.)

I recently asked him some questions about this and he said this position gives him better control. Which works out great for me, because this is the position that hits all my spots the best. I do know from talking to other women that different positions are better for different women, but this might be a good place to start.

That doesn't mean there isn't a time and place for the man on top position. Minus the blankets - they just get in the way. It's very intimate. You've got the bonus of the feeling of of skin on skin as well as keeping your partner close enough to kiss.

Another option I want to touch on is doggie style. (She is on all fours and you are kneeling behind her, between her legs.) This is a great position for hard and fast fucking. The position of the woman's legs makes for a tighter opening, which can translate to a faster orgasm for you. I probably would not recommend doggie style for your first trip to Disney Land, but it is one to keep in mind for later fun.

Of course, there are many, many other positions than the few I mentioned. But since this series is focused on a man's first sexual experiences, I'm not going to go there. There is plenty of time for you to try out more advanced positions once you have mastered the more basic moves.

OK, so now that you have selected a position, it's time to enter your lover. The exploration you have already done will help you be more familiar with her body, which will come in handy now. It's perfectly acceptable and expected that you use your hands to help guide yourself in. Or, she may help you with her hands.

Remember, she should be very wet at this point. If she has had plenty of time to get ready, you should slide into her fairly easily. If she still feels tight, you might have to slowly and gently rock yourself inside her. If you aren't sure she is wet enough, it's a good idea to add some lube. Extra lube can't be a bad thing.

Once you have successfully slid in the correct entrance, start pumping in and out. It's a good idea to start slow and gradually increase your speed. Pay attention to her response, her reactions will guide you to the right movements and spots. If you feel yourself getting too close to the edge, before you are ready, slow down or stop for a while.

Don't forget you have hands during this process. You don't just have to let them dangle at your side during this time, or at any point in the lovemaking process, in fact. Rub your hands all over her body - including the skin of her chest, back, legs and ass. Play with her nipples, massage her breasts.

At some point, she may indicate to you non-verbally or verbally that she wants you to speed up. It's OK to tease her and build up to it slowly. On the other hand, if she is begging to be fucked - by all means, fuck her.

Post orgasm your job is not yet complete. Whatever you do don't jump up in two or three minutes. Make sure you continue to give her what she needs. She may want to cuddle or talk. Maybe you'll fall asleep together.

If it's not time for sleeping, there's still lots of after-sex activities you can do with her. Perhaps she'd like to wash off in the shower with you. Or, maybe you two can cuddle and watch a movie. Personally, sometimes husband and I get hungry and have a post nookie snack together.

In my experience, sex isn't something that you just automatically know how to do - at least not if you want to do it well. You might figure out some of the basic steps by instinct, but if you want to really be good in bed it takes an open mind and plenty of communication, practice and experimentation. And the good news is, the process by which you learn is so much fun!

To read part VII in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part V

2007-08-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

Kissing

Kissing is a whole category by itself when it comes to learning to be a good lover. It's such a sensual, intimate thing.

The first thing to know about kissing is a pretty good rule of thumb for just about every step in the lovemaking process. Variety. Don't just attack her and stick your tongue down her throat, vary your kisses.

There are so many different ways to kiss, softly and slowly, deep kisses, urgent kisses, dry hello kisses, wet and lingering kisses. Personally, I like to suck or nibble a little bit on my lovers lower lip.

Kissing shouldn't just be limited to the lips either. The forehead, the tip of the nose, neck, ears, breasts, tummy, inner thighs, lower back, shoulders, hands, fingers - these are all places on a woman's body that just beg to be kissed.

It depends on the woman, but I'd say there aren't many places on my body that I wouldn't want to be kissed. I'd probably giggle if husband kissed my armpit, but I have heard of a girl that loved that. I'm not big into feet but, of course, many people have a "thing" or a fetish about feet. So don't be afraid to kiss new places.

Now let's talk about when to kiss. Kiss goodbye. Kiss hello. Kiss just because.

Kissing can lead to sex - but it doesn't always have to. Sometimes I just want to kiss hard husband and I don't just mean a dry smooch. There's nothing wrong with dry smooches, I ask for and receive them all throughout the day. But sometimes I just want a more kiss, a deep kiss, a middle of the day heat kiss.

Lots of relationships start off hot and heavy with the little things. Talking on the phone for hours, writing cute little emails, making out like teenagers. Then as the relationship progresses, those things start to drop off. While, to some extent, that is natural, there is no excuse to let those things disappear completely.

Don't forget to kiss when making love to your woman. I can't emphasize this enough. It may sound silly, but it's human nature to rush past to "the good stuff". If you ever find yourself rushing past kissing, stop, rewind and slow down. Women take longer to switch "on" than men do. Taking time to kiss her gives her brain time to receive the signals that make her wet and horny.

Of course, as always, follow her lead. Each woman has her own set of preferences.

Also, there are sometimes when urgent fucking is the order of the day. If she grabs you, throws you down on the bed and starts riding you hard, just go with the flow.

To read part VI in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

Keeping up

2007-08-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Those of you that have gotten used to a nearly daily post here at Dirty Filthy Princess will have noticed a few gaps of late. Things have been spinningly busy, and the blog has suffered for it.

My new job is going well, better than I at first thought in fact. And I have some other things brewing career-wise, so I'm very excited about that. But it keeps me busier than I was before.

The reality is that I just can't keep up with a post a day anymore. I'm sad about that, because this blog is one of the things in my life that I enjoy most.

If you don't count hard husbands velvet cock, it's pretty darn high on the list of my favorite things. But then, without the cock, the blog would be pretty blah. So I guess they are interconnected.

Anyway - the point. I won't be closing up shop by any means. But there just won't be daily updates.

And I'll resume with the "Basic sex tips for guys" series tomorrow, I promise.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 20

2007-08-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

This week's interview is with Phedre, a 34-year-old woman that has dealt with many things in her life, including being raped at age 12, addictions, divorce and physical limitations.

She is also the single mother of a 12-year-old boy. The child's father left him and Phedre when her son was just an infant.

Here is her interview:

DFP: You said you were raped at 12 and that after that you became addicted to drugs and alcohol and acted out sexually. After that you went through the 12-step program and got sober at 19. Does the sexual assault effect you in any way today or have you conquered it?

Phedre: I for the most part completely repressed the assault for many years. I managed to twist my feelings of shame and loathing into convincing myself that I lied about it. I told myself that my self hate was because I was a horrible liar. Despite all the evidence to the contrary! It is amazing what the human mind can do. I went to college later in life, when I was in my 20's. When I got to my clinical rotations for nursing school, I had a melt down. This was the result of several incidents, along with ongoing stress. I just sort of lost it. I took a semester off from school and went to therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

It was really bad for a while, I even ended up hospitalized for a few days. I took medication for a while, basically to let me get thru therapy. Even though at the time it felt like being in the 7th circle of hell, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I finally had to face what had happened, and allow myself to deal with it. I learned some really good techniques to deal with the flashbacks, and the panic attacks. I still use those today. My PTSD is fairly well controlled these days. There are still things that can trigger it- everyone in my life knows not to sneak up behind me, lol. It's a very bad thing to do.

I don't think that it is something that can be conquered. To the contrary, I feel that thinking I had to do that, is what caused me so many problems for so long- that led to a mindset that "you should be just fine, it was so long ago, for gods sake get over it". Instead, it doesn't rule me anymore. It is not who I am. It has been one of many experiences, both good and bad, that have shaped who I am today, but it does not define me.

DFP: After your husband left you, you had sex so that he would not be the last person you had been with. Why was that important to you?

Phedre: He was an abusive, cheating, drug using bastard. He changed during our marriage and became someone I didn't know anymore. But sex was like the last hold he had on me. With my ex husband, the one really good thing we had was our sex life. Of course I didn't realize at the time that he was having a sex life with everyone under the sun. But he was the first person I ever had an orgasm with. He was the first person I felt comfortable with, that I could be naked with. He was the first person I ever took a shower with! He was the first person I had sex with not drunk. So when it came to good sex memories, and masturbating, and just someone touching me, he was the person in my head. It was important to me that he not be there anymore. That he was not the last person to ever touch me. It took about a year after we were separated, but I had the opportunity and I took it. I would also say that it was the only time I had casual sex sober.

DFP: After that you "basically became a virgin again". Why was that?

Phedre: I did explore my sexuality after that encounter. I had a brief relationship with a woman, and discovered that while I was bisexual, I didn't want a relationship with a woman. I tried to date, tried to convince myself that I could do casual sex. I wanted to be like friends I had, that could just get sexual gratification from people without emotional ties or commitments. I had one intense make out session with this guy I met thru a singles thing, which in looking back had all the warning signs of being a potentially very dangerous situation (I had not dealt with the assault yet). It was in the middle of that, forcing myself to have a very painful orgasm, when I had a revelation- casual sex really is just mutual masturbation. I am not built for casual sex. I can masturbate on my own, and I know where my hand has been! I got up and left, went home, and didn't have sex for a really really really long time.
DFP: What was the longest stretch you went without having sex?

Phedre: I seem to be on an 8 year cycle. After my revelation, it was 8 years without sex, or really any contact of any kind. I had a brief relationship with someone I had known for a long time - it was a mistake, one of those things of trying to force a friendship into being something more than it was. We had sex a couple of times. It was neither very good or very bad. After that I went close to another 8 years before being in my current relationship.

DFP: Was that difficult for you?

Phedre: Not really. For me, it has been much more difficult going these last couple of months without making love- because it is so much more than just sex. It is intimacy and closeness and love and validation of being alive. What I had before was just sex. It was not emotionally fulfilling. Even with the ex-husband, it was not anything like it is now. And I discovered that for me, it is so much more enjoyable with the love involved. All the cliches are true LOL. But really, I don't want to be naked with someone I don't love, I don't want to trust someone that much. it is a huge deal, to let someone INSIDE your body. I think as women we tend to not acknowledge that. And because we don't, men certainly won't recognize that. That is our loss.

DFP: In looking back, do you think you made the right decision ?

Yes, for the most part. I do regret shutting out all human contact. I was not hugged or kissed or touched by anyone other than my family, and even that was not much. I don't regret not having sex. I was perfectly content with masturbation, because in my head I could be anyone, in any situation, without messy feelings. It was what I needed at the time. Towards the end of my celibacy, there were also health issues involved that impacted my situation, but in truth most of it was because of myself. I also made the very clear decision that I would not tolerate anyone wacked being in my life- that if I tried to date anyone, and I got the heebies, or they set of any warning bells, I would not pass go, I would not collect 200 dollars, I would be just gone. It started out in order to protect my son, and in the end became about protecting myself. I was able to learn to care for myself, and have some self worth that way.

DFP: Now you are in a committed relationship with a man that is 11 years younger than you. You said, "I am learning how to have sex again." Can you tell us briefly about that?

Phedre: When I met K, I had given up all hope. I was convinced that I was going to become the scary neighborhood cat lady, you know, the one that all the children dare each other to run up and ring the doorbell. I felt like the walking dead. My health problems were out of control, I was essentially bed-ridden. I met him online playing a game, and the relationship developed. By the time we met in person, we both felt like we knew each others souls.

But then came the learning the body stuff! The wonderful thing I have learned though, is the joys of making love. I am learning about that everyday. Additionally though, due to my physical limitations, I am learning what works and what doesn't. For example- We had what became a very funny situation in the end, where I discovered that I cannot be on top for any length of time. I ended up with legs that didn't work! LOL. They literally wouldn't hold me up. it took several days to recover. So I can truthfully say that he loves me so well he turns my legs to rubber, hahaha.

So its both ... learning about the inside and the outside. Experiencing truly for the first time, the mingling of both the physical and the spiritual aspect of sex. We always refer to it as making love. That actually came from him by the way. But I am loving every bit of it! And I am learning what I can and cannot do, what feels good and what doesn't. I truly feel like a virgin sometimes, learning about my body and what feels good and what doesn't. I do continue to be amazed though, that I, a dysfunctional, partially disabled, fat 35 year old single mom, with a very screwy sense of humor who thinks way too much, could find love. All encompassing, totally blinding, mind-numbing love. It scares the hell out of me on a regular basis, but I am so grateful for it, and all the crazy, not so nice things that led me to this point in my life. It is important to me that people know that- know the truth about me. Because I suffered for so long thinking I was alone and there wasn't anyone like me in the world. And as cheesy as it sounds, it is true- if I could find love, then anyone can!
DFP: Tell us a little more about your physical limitations.

Phedre: Basically I am left with severe scarring of the L5-S1 nerves in my back, which leaves me with chronic pain in my legs, and numbness/weakness in my right leg. While I was going thru recovery from my last surgery, I was also diagnosed with lupus. The practical implications of this is that I have constant charley horses in one or both legs, can't sit for more than 20 minutes at the most, and sometimes it is less than that. I can't stand for more than a few minutes, and driving is difficult, sometimes not possible at all.

So, in the end, there is nothing anyone can do for me. Medicine can't help with scar tissue, and the technology is not there yet for artificial discs even. I will most likely need additional surgeries in the future. There is hope that over time (lots and lots) that the scar tissue will soften and loosen some, though that also depends on not developing more.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

Aug. 8: Elizabeth Penmark, a 35-year-old woman who is currently dating. She lost her virginity when she was 16 years old and wants to share her story because she thinks "it is more a lesson in how NOT to do it."

These people have interview questions from me:

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

Pleasure set review.

2007-07-31T11:04:00.001-07:00

My latest review has been published at EdenFantasys.com. Read here for more information about the pleasure set.

This toy, while small, did a very good job. It definately falls into the "I'll be using this again" category.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part IV

2007-07-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

The feminine orgasm

Males orgasm easily. Females may take more time and effort to orgasm.

Does that mean women have a lesser capacity to orgasm than men? No way. In fact, a woman may have infinitely more capacity for orgasms.

A woman can orgasms due to direct stimulation of the clitoris. A few methods of stimulation include finger stimulation, cunnilingus or with a sex toy.

The next stop on the orgasm train is the G-spot. For G-spot stimulation reach one, or preferably two, fingers inside the pussy. (Make sure your fingernails are clean and trimmed with no jagged edges.) To get an idea of the correct finger placement, imagine a woman laying on her back. When your fingers are inserted, palm up, curve them upward, toward her belly and make a come-hither gesture.

It's OK. Go ahead. Practice the gesture right now.

I've never had my fingers inside a woman but they say the area you are looking to stimulate feels rough. I have, however, had my G-spot stimulated and I can tell you it is amazing. Just make sure that she is very wet and very turned on by the time you reach for her G-spot.

Don't worry. You can be quite rough with her - rougher than you might think - and she will love it. (Of course, if she asks you to stop you must.) Husband often finds his arm is sore after a good G-spot workout.

Last but certainly not least, is orgasming from penetration. This type of orgasm feels different than a clitoral orgasm or a G-spot orgasm. In fact, woman have many, many different types of sub-groups of orgasms. One clitoral orgasm may feel dramatically different than the next clitoral orgasm, for example.

Some women, like me, are multi orgasmic. Though it may take time and effort to work up to my first orgasm, or my first few orgasms, at a certain point they just start pouring out of me. Some are stronger than others and sometimes it is difficult to tell if it is more than one orgasm or several all very close together. This may be what is called skimming, or just touching the surface of the peaks and valleys of an orgasm. A multi orgasmic woman may be limited only in the time she and her partner have and physical exhaustion.

Other woman are not multi orgasmic. In this case, she may not want you to bring her to orgasm before you fuck her. (If that is what you both want.) She may prefer that you stop what you are doing and enter her before she orgasms. You will have to play this by ear.

Once again, for the first time you have sex, don't feel like you have to do every one of these moves or fail. Don't write yourself notes on your hand and consult them for the next step. That would be weird.

Just relax and remember one thing: Think of her pleasure. If you do that, you will remember to take your time and include lots of things that she wants and needs to have a wonderful time.

To read part V in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part III'

2007-07-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

If you missed it, you can start at the beginning with part I of this series. Then follow the links to read the whole thing.

The blowjob

So, you've found a woman to suck your cock. Congratulations.

There are a few things you might want to know before you take this step. You might be thinking, "What's there to know? I just lay back and enjoy, right?" Well, yes and no.

First off, not every woman enjoys sucking cock. If you date a woman in this category, you need to respect that. Personally, I hope she gives it a chance. But perhaps I am not the best judge. Cock sucking is one of my favorite things to do.

If you can't live without it, perhaps you need a different sexual partner. If you can't live without that particular girl, learn to live without cock sucking.

If you get past that point without a "no", you are on your way to pleasure. But first, think about cleanliness. Make sure your cock is reasonably clean and smells nice in a manly way. (Cocks don't naturally smell like flowers, yours does not have to.)

This doesn't necessarily mean you should shriek and run for a washcloth if she goes for your goodies. As long as you have showered fairly recently, you will probably be OK. At the moment when woman wants to suck your cock, she's likely not thinking of it as what you pee out of. Or at least, I'm never thinking of that.

On the other hand, be considerate. If you happen to go to the bathroom and can wash off quick, go ahead and do it.

Grooming isn't a must-do, but it can be nice. If you want to trim the hair around your cock, go ahead. Some men shave the whole package, including the boys. Personally, I love a clean-shaven man. Hacking up pubic hair that got lodged in the back of my throat is not my idea of fun. However, not all women feel the same way about shaving. Ultimately, it's up to you and what you are comfortable with.

Once you actually have a woman's lips on your fun parts, remember to treat her with respect. Fucking her mouth or grabbing her head and pushing your cock deeper into her mouth will probably be OK with a partner you have had a long-term sexual relationship because you will have had time to get to know her limits and boundaries.

However, in the beginning you need to let her take the lead. She gets to choose how deep to take your cock. Not you.

As she's sucking on your cock, let her know what feels good. That can be done nonverbally, with moaning. However, don't forget to use actual words as well. With her mouth busy, it's is a great opportunity to practice talking to her.

Say:

"Oh, that feels amazing."

or

"Your mouth feels so good."

If this is a straight up blowjob, no fucking, you will want to warn her before you explode. Saying something like, "I'm going to cum," will do the trick.

This way, she can finish you with her hands or be prepared to spit if she does not like to swallow. Again, no matter what your preference is, this is something for which you need to respect her wishes. If she does swallow, she will know it is coming.

If you are planning and/or hoping to fuck her, you might want to stop her before you cum. If you know for sure you can get hard again, that's one thing. If not, stopping her before you orgasm will ensure you will be hard enough for intercourse. Some men can orgasm more than once, some men cannot.

In the first two parts of in this series, I talked a lot about giving her pleasure first. It might be best, at least at first, to save the cock sucking for just before intercourse. That will give you more confidence that your cock will be hard and ready to go when his big moment comes. Focusing on her first will ensure that she gets plenty of pleasure before you hit the finish line.

If your partner starts to go down on you and you're not quite ready, see if you can delay her for a while. Tell her something like, "Oh, I am definitely looking forward to that. But first I want to do this. ..."

Of course, you don't have to just lay there like a log when she is doing her mouth magic. You can lay head to feet with her and use your fingers on her. It isn't for experts only, but it does take some practice.

The more I put into this series, the more I realize should be covered. Come back for later posts on: kissing, the female orgasm (both reader suggested), fucking, safe sex and proper terminology. Thanks to c who gave me the idea for this series of posts by asking his question. It seems to have grown and taken on a life of its own!

To read part IV in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part II

2007-07-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

For part one, and to read the reader question that prompted this series, please click here.

Cunnilingus

Another weapon in your arsenal of Jedi Master lovemaking is oral sex. Assuming you want to - and I hope you do - you can bring her to orgasm or simply give her pleasure with your tongue.

Once again, don't just dive straight to her muff. Kiss down her belly. Tickle her inner thighs with your tongue. Make her squirm in anticipation for a while. If she doesn't want you to eat her out, this gives her the opportunity to stop you. If she does stop you, perhaps you can try again later or ask her why, but not the first time.

As with using your finger, the most effective stroke will probably be an up and down stroke, passing repeatedly over her clit. However, don't just stick with one move. Move your tongue around in different patterns. Explore her folds. Suck, flick, make circles.

A really good way to learn what she likes is the ABC method. I can't remember where I learned this, but if you trace the alphabet in her pussy with your tongue it will keep your strokes from getting monotonous. Pay attention to which strokes she reacts positively too. Make mental notes and use those moves again.

Whatever you do, don't give her the idea that what you are doing is tiresome. Granted, laying in one position for a long time, whether it's for fellatio or cunglinous, can result in fatigue or back and neck pain. Rather than giving up, try changing positions. Or, switch to using your finger for a while and then switch back.

Please, please, if she asks you to keep going, keep going. If she's right on the edge and you stop, that can be frustrating for her to say the least. She might stay "almost there" for what seems like a long time but, believe me, it will be worth it if you stick it out. I may help to push her over into bliss if you add some additional stimulation. Slip a finger, or two, inside her and thrust. Or, gently pinch or pull on her nipples.

The important thing to keep in mind with all of this, from the first kiss to the grand finale, is that every woman is different. If she doesn't seem to be reacting to one thing, move on to something else.

Some women might not orgasm easily. She might not enjoy having her pussy fingered. Or she might feel strange about receiving oral sex - such as worrying about her taste or smell. Maybe she isn't multi-orgasmic, which means my advice to give her at least one orgasm before you enter her might not be what she prefers.

On the one hand, you don't want to do something she doesn't enjoy or doesn't want to do. Still, don't let her skip past the part where you give her pleasure. Some women have trouble accepting all that attention. We are naturally nurturing beings and sometimes that can mean we are better givers than we are receivers.

If she tries to rush you past the part where you worship her body, see if you can slow her down. Whisper something sexy to her. My husband used to tell me to relax and remind me that we had plenty of time. He would tell me that he wanted to focus on me for a while and that giving me pleasure gave him pleasure.

In the beginning, the whole point of focusing on her first is to make sure you give her what she needs. At first, you might not be able to last as long as she needs to orgasm during penetration. Of course, over time you will want to work on lasting longer. The secret to that is - surprise! - practice.

You need to strike a balance between following her lead and pushing her boundaries. If she's genuinely asking you to move on to fucking, she may be trying to tell you that she's getting chafed or over stimulated, which can start to feel slightly painful. But if she's just asking you to move on because she thinks she is taking too long or that you are getting tired or bored, make sure she knows differently.

What if she tells you she isn't multi orgasmic or doesn't easily orgasm at all? It can't hurt to try to change that, right? If you do happen to be the one to unlock the secret of big Os for her, she will be very, very grateful.

These tips can help you prepare for a lifetime of good sex or that very first time. The important thing to remember is that you should keep experimenting and practicing.

For that first time, however, don't try to cram everything in right away. You might give yourself stage fright if you think you have to be a sex god from the beginning.

Take it slow. Yes. Savor her body. Yes. Aim to give her pleasure. Yes.

But don't put too much pressure on yourself. I'd advise you keep it fairly simple at first. The 69, while fun, can be a little difficult at first, for example. Work your way up to more complicated positions.

Many women like to be dominated as much as they like tenderness. Still, it's probably not a good idea to start calling her "my little slut" and spanking her right out of the gate. (Unless she asks you to.)

Relax. Have fun. These suggestions are meant to give you some ideas and, perhaps, help undo some misconceptions you may have about sex. My goal is not to overwhelm you.

Come back again tomorrow to learn about getting your first blowjob. Later on we'll cover fucking and touch on" proper" terminology.

To read part III in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

'Basic sex tips for guys' part I

2007-07-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I received an email from a 21-year-old male, whom I will call C. It's been "one of those weeks" and I am just now getting to answering his question.

Here is what he asked:

Dear Mrs Dirty Filthy Princess, (lol)

I am a young male who is a virgin. In fact, I am completely sexually inexperienced. I am wondering about basic sex tips for guys. In fact I would be totally ignorant of female anatomy down there had I not looked at a website a couple of days ago. This is embarrassing for me. What advice would you give to a young man like myself?

yours inexperiencedly,

C

Well, C, thanks for emailing me. Do I have any basic sex tips for guys like you? Of course.

First off, don't stress about being a virgin. Too many people make that mistake. Relax. This is not a race. It's not a test of manhood. (Or womanhood.) Have sex when you feel comfortable doing it, preferably with someone that you trust and care for. (At least that is my preference - you have to do what feels best for you.)

If it helps, I'll repeat what I have said on this Web site many times. I was a virgin, by choice, until I met the man I am now married to. After a year of exploring each other's bodies we first had intercourse a few days after my 26th birthday. Of course, I don't expect or desire everyone to be like me, I'm just trying to illustrate that you have time. I'm nobody special, I'm just a person. If I can have wonderful sex, you can have wonderful sex.

When you are ready to have sex, don't expect things to turn out perfectly the very first time. Because you (C) are a male, you'll probably orgasm - but that's not the only ingredient in good sex. If you want to have good sex you need to learn to please your partner - the more you please your partner, it is very likely that she will want to please you more.

Sex, like almost everything else in life, is something you need to practice at to get good at. But it's not like the practice time is a drag. Think about it - the more you practice the better you will get. The better you get, the more sex you will probably get to have.

Pleasing a woman isn't all about your penis. A lot of woman need more stimulation than just fucking to cum. The only reason I am multi-orgasmic is because my husband uses his fingers on my clit or gives me oral sex, bringing me to one or more orgasms before he fucks me.

But wait! Before you reach for her clit, know this. To really please a woman you need to use your whole body: your lips, your hands, your fingers, your arms - everything. This morning I was sucking husband's cock and he was using his thigh to rub against my nipples. It was very arousing. That's just one example of using your body for creative pleasure.

When you first start having sex, it might be tempting to rush things. Don't. Take things slowly. Savor every moment. A woman has allowed you to view her naked body. Show her how much you appreciate the honor.

Don't just dive for the goodies. Kiss her. Rub your hands all over her body, her back, her breasts her legs and ass. Kiss her neck. Nibble her ears. Tease her nipples with your tongue. This isn't a comprehensive list of foreplay and it's not a step by step guide. Don't try to memorize this list. Just experiment and have fun. See what she likes.

The most important sex tool is your brain. That's right, the squishy gray matter between your ears. Women are aroused by words. Tell her how much you are enjoying her company, her body, her looks, her taste.

By now, all these things should have made her very wet. This natural lubrication is very, very important. All the things that feel good and pleasurable when she is wet, feel irritating and slightly painful when she is not wet enough. When she is good and wet, use your fingers to explore her pussy.

I highly, highly recommend that you make it your goal to make her orgasm at least once before you even think of penetration. Of course, your first time you won't know exactly what you are doing so you may not be able to accomplish that. However, the more you go spelunking for treasure, the higher the chances there are that you will find it.

In plain English: If you go looking for her clitoris and play around in there for a long time, you'll probably turn her on just by your effort. And eventually, over time and with practice, by paying close attention to her verbal and non-verbal cues, you will find what you are looking for.

Start off gently. Eventually it will probably be OK to use rougher, stronger touch, but to start off you want to make sure you don't hurt her.

Listen to her. It's OK to ask for and/or take directions on how to make her feel good. Last you checked, you did not have a vagina, right? So you don't know what feels good to her unless she tells you.

Listen to her body. Follow the cues of her moaning. Watch how she reacts to what you are doing.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, I simply cannot say all I want to say about this in one day. I'll come back to this later. To read more about foreplay, blowjobs and fucking for the beginner, keep coming back!

To read part II in this series, click here. Or, go home, if you want to read my more recent entries.

Getting around conflicting schedules

2007-07-26T04:31:00.000-07:00

Since I started working again part time, husband and I have been getting used to working opposite shifts from time to time. Mine is a day job and his is all over the place, sometimes day, sometimes night.

Last night he worked a night shift, which means by the time I get home from work we've got less than an hour before he's on duty. Unfortunately, he's not off duty until the very early, early hours of the morning, when I'm fast asleep.

It's frustrating, because it doesn't leave a lot of options for sex. I'm not in favor of rushing home from work for an anxious, clock-watching quickie. And, while early morning sex is an option, it doesn't always work out.

Thanks to some advance planning it worked out this morning. First off, I ended up going to bed quite early last night. I had some things I wanted to get done but I decided I'd just set my alarm clock for earlier than usual instead.

As I was getting ready for bed, I decided to sleep in nothing more than a t-shirt. Since I get cold easily I'm in the habit of rarely doing that - even during a heat wave like we've been having recently. I knew that husband would climb into bed and discover I was half naked. This is a clear invitation for him to wake me up, even if I am sleeping.

It happened just exactly as I imagined it would. When he comes to bed after a night shift I usually wake up briefly to ask how his night was and then fall back asleep. He slipped his arm around me to hug and kiss me goodnight and found my invitation in a few seconds flat.

"Oooh," he said. "Somebody is naked."

I smiled to myself in the dark. Soon his fingers were parting my pussy lips, finding my sweet spot. I laid back, enjoying the attention.

Being both very horny, it didn't take long before both of us were moaning and groaning. This wasn't exactly a quickie, but it was serious, down to business sex. I came quickly and was soon, wide awake, energetically sucking his cock.

Usually, husband likes me to use my mouth to bring him to the edge over and over before he fucks me. This time, it wasn't long before he wanted to be inside me.

"Get on the bed," he ordered.

I eagerly crawled up on the mattress on all fours. He hadn't told me what position he wanted me in, but I wanted to be fucked from behind. I looked back over my shoulder at him and wiggled my ass in excitement. If I had a tail it would be waging ecstatically.

Husband had no argument. He pressed himself up against me and found my opening. I gasped at the first stroke, groaned at the second and howled at the moon on the third. It wasn't long after that that husband joined me.

I like taking our time and taking things slow. But there's nothing wrong with a frantic fucking either.

Afterward, I rolled over and looked at the clock. Perfect timing. My alarm was set to go off in about 20 minutes. I laid there and relaxed until husband fell asleep and then I got up to start my day. What a wonderful way to wake up.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 18

2007-07-25T08:21:00.000-07:00

This week's interview is with j, a 35-year-old woman that, as of yet, is still a virgin. She is single with "sex on the brain", she said.

Here is what j had to say about the subject of virginity.

DFP: What are your reasons for remaining a virgin?

j: When younger I had no interest in having babies or getting married (adopted and child of divorce). As a teen I had a big fear of getting pregnant. I thought that I'd be one of those sex one time and that would be that; up the duff. As I have never had maternal urges it scared me. Later on religious reasons got involved in the mix. Now it's a little of both and emotional reasons.

DFP: How have your feelings about this evolved over time?

j: I feel like I am dying to have sex yet I want more than just sex. I want the relationship. That may seem really idealistic and naive since so many relationships fall apart but I think I am worth being with. This conclusion was a long time coming but, as neurotic as I feel like I can be, I also have a lot going for me.

DFP: Would you say you are sexually frustrated?

j: Hell Yes! Gah!!

DFP: How do you deal with this?

j: I was blogging about it but have let that slide. Focusing so much on that aspect of life was making me crazier. I crack too many jokes about it with my friends. I've taken up running. Looking into Boot Camp. Oh, and banging my head against the wall while chewing my arm off :P

DFP: Do others know that you are a virgin?

j: Close friends do and a guy I dated last year found out when he asked me point blank. Otherwise I think people assume I have due to my ability to add to certain conversations.

DFP: Have you ever felt compelled to lie about it?

j: It crosses my mind but I tend to be quite honest overall. If there is a way to steer my answer so that I can leave things up in the air I will but when asked straight out, at least the last time, I did tell.

DFP: What kind of sex ed did you have as a child/teen and from whom?

j: Vague stuff from my mom about waiting until I was married, stuff in magazines, very pathetic sex ed in school (flustered teacher shoving a video in the machine, turning the lights off and never taking questions), friends and eventually books.
DFP: Was it helpful and/or adequate?

j: Up until I began reading on the subject of sex I would say that what I was taught was very inadequate. I can talk sex with friends and others and am able to teach other people stuff (like talking two people through what their first time might be like, things to watch for, things to know). As mentioned above I find people assume I have or am having sex (unless they are one of those in the know).

DFP: When and if you have children what will you tell them about sex?

j: I've never really given this any thought as I do not want children. I do ask my friends what they want me to say to their kids if they ever ask me as they all have different ideas as to what kids should be taught. I do think it is important to talk to kids and to be frank, but age appropriate, with the answers.

DFP: What is your cultural background (including religious upbringing, if any) and how has this affected you and your decisions?

j: My family were holiday only church goers (Christmas/Easter) until I became a teen. They then felt that we needed a better moral grounding for the teen years and so we began attending church weekly much to my horror. A friend eventually invited me to her youth group and that's where I started seeing that there might be more to this boring church thing than meets the eye. I'm now a christian by choice and not family influence.

It wasn't until my 20's that I would say church/the bible/belief in God had any influence on my decision to not have sex before marriage if it presented itself. That pregnancy thing held much more sway. Now I am back to the pregnancy thing holding a lot of sway along with the emotional aspects of being with someone. I want the relationship.

DFP: Any other relevant information you would like to share?

J: I have sex on the brain!

A year ago I had almost no experience. I'd kissed guys and that was all. Even that hadn't happened since I was in my teens. Last year I had a long distance relationship and when we eventually got together for the first time things were rather hot and heavy from the start. The reason I could jump in was a real comfort and trust with the boy as well as the fact that there had been a slow build from tentative, to naughty and onto dirty; IM's and phone calls. The distance added to the eventual break up but I, mostly, don't regret anything we did. I was starting to think something was seriously wrong with me as I was 34 and never dated and barely kissed.

Another recent experience lets me know I am comfortable going further than I maybe realized and that I really like it. If I was to find the guy I am uncertain if I would make it to marriage as the hormones might get the best of me! Actually I might get the best of me. I'll just take responsibility for the fact I want to have sex instead of blaming it on the hormones.

This has all gotten harder in the last couple of years. Is it due to age? Being more ready? Jealous of missing out? Changes in my thinking? Yes, all of the formentioned I would say. I am more than able to live life on my own (travel, clubs, pay the bills, concerts, buy a vehicle, walks etc.) but I want to love and be loved. That is why I want more than just the sex.

I have to say that combined with a few other things going on in my life right now that I feel discouraged about this whole topic. I get told "If you can't love yourself then how can you expect anyone else to love you?". Being of a slightly pessimistic nature (realistic! pragmatic! linear!) I can get to feeling a little doomed. In this area I don't have a lot of confidence because how is one to feel attractive when it's a rare day that someone shows the slightest interest? Sigh.

Here is the schedule for the upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

August 1: phedre, a 34-year-old mother of a 12-year-old boy that has stayed celibate for long stretches of time, up to 8 years.

These people have interview questions from me:

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

Happy birthday to me

2007-07-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

I am officially 31 years old as of yesterday.

Husband surprised me with my favorite cake (yellow cake with chocolate frosting) and ice cream. He invited a group of our friends over and we talked until after midnight, mostly about sex. (Didn't I tell you I have a new group of real-life friends with whom I can chat about sex? More in another post.)

I don't feel bad about turning 31. I mean, I don't feel 31. I don't feel any older than 24. But I don't feel bad about it.

Thirty-one is going to be a good year for me. I can feel it.

Anyway, I wanted to check in quick with the obligatory, I'm too busy to blog post. I'll be back with more sexy later, I promise.

Body language

2007-07-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

It's my new favorite position in which to worship you. You lay down, ass at the edge of the bed, legs hanging over the edge. I kneel between your knees.

You're all laid out before me. Like a feast.

I kiss you, softly - chastely at first - at the base of your cock. I move my face up to the tip of your cock, letting my lips trail lightly over your skin. My breath warms your skin.

You moan - more of a sigh really. You know what is coming.

At this point, I'm getting wet. Your pleasure is my pleasure.

I reach up my hand and touch your balls. They are warm and dry. I massage the back side with my fingers. I cup them firmly with my whole hand.

At the same time, my lips have found your cock head. I kiss you. Your cock, lifts up, strains to be in my mouth. Still, I tease - just a little longer.

Still kneeling in front of you, I lick around that bulbous tip. I take it in my mouth. I find that spot, my favorite spot on the back side of your cockhead. I like that little ridge and the soft, loose skin.

You've been patient. I know you want more. So I slide my lips down your shaft. I lap at your skin, getting it wet and slippery. I swallow you in deeper and deeper until most of your length is covered in my saliva.

I slide my lips up and down your shaft. My whole body is part of the seduction dance.

With each movement, my tits rub on your open thighs. My nipples grow hard. I swirl my head, my mouth still around your shaft. My breasts trace random patterns on your skin.

I grind my hips. I can feel the siren song in between my legs getting louder. My moaning joins yours.

The muscles on your legs are standing out like cords. You reach out with your feet and rub the back of my legs. It's a thank you and a request for more all at the same time.

I respond. I'm pulling you deeper into my mouth. I'm thrusting and sucking and twirling my lips around your cock.

You've wrapped your legs around the back of my legs and my ass, pulling me closer to you. You beg me, you command me, you implore me - without a word. I'm pressed up firmly in the crook of your legs, leaning my head straight down, repeatedly impaling my mouth on your cock.

You haven't even touched my pussy and it's throbbing, throbbing, throbbing. My face is hot. The unmistakable tingle of an orgasm spreads from my center outwards. I gasp for air.

Your body, my temple.

Talking to mom about blowjobs

2007-07-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

I had an idea that it was coming eventually. My mom asked me to let her read my blog.

I've been telling her a few things about it, here and there and she's gotten curious. Some of you are undoubtedly horrified, or at least flabbergasted, that I would mention my sexblog to my mom. But really, out of all my friends and family my mom is actually the person that I felt most confident that I could mention it.

I knew she'd be proud and happy that I have a good sex life. And I hoped that she could just simply know about it and not ever search for it and read it. If anything, I knew that if I asked her not to she would honor that.

Actually, I get my writing skills from my mom. I even get my interest in erotic writing from my mom. I've never read them but she once told me she was writing erotic fiction and posting it on a Web site.

So I questioned her about her curiosity about my writing.

"Are you sure you can handle it?" I asked.

"Yes."

"It's really explicit."

"That's OK."

"There's lots and lots on there about blowjobs," I said. "Can you handle reading about how much I like to give XXXX (hard husband) blowjobs?"

"Yes."

The subject was changed and we talked a bit more. Then she said, "Well, maybe I'd better not read it. Maybe you can just email me a few posts once in a while that are OK for me to read."

Yep. That's what I thought. Husband thinks I should just email her the URL and tell her: if you want to read, read. If you do, however, DO NOT tell me you are reading. That way we won't have to be embarrassed.

What do you all think?

*Edit: As of July 21 I spoke to my mom again. She said she thought about it even more and realized she had better not read it all. But she does still want me to email her some samples. I really think that is best. She is so proud and curious, but it's just too weird to have her know intimate details of my sex life!!

Butterfly vibrator review

2007-07-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

I had plans for "My First Butterfly Remote Vibrator" from Pleasure Me Now before I even had it in hand. I wanted to wear it somewhere in public and give hard husband the remote.

I imagined trying my best to hide my growing pleasure as we ordered food at our favorite restaurant. Or, perhaps I’d wear it to a movie theater, where I’d try not to disturb the other movie goers.

Alas, this just isn’t the right product for that fantasy. Even when I’m not wearing the butterfly vibe it is quite loud. Thinking it might temper the sound a bit, I tried it wearing it under clothing, but that seemed to only anger the beast.

If I were to wear this butterfly vibe in public, the loud buzzing would be sure to attract the attention of everyone within a 5- or 10-foot radius of me. While the idea of doing something naughty in public is intriguing, I have no desire to actually get caught.

My other complaint is that this toy just didn’t fit right. Perhaps it’s just my body type, but wearing it made walking awkward. I found the only way I could really enjoy the toy was lying on my back on the couch or in bed.

I like the cute little face of the butterfly and the little pointy tail very much. They both felt great when pressed to my clit and bottom. However, as I said, this toy didn’t fit right and really the only way I could get it to hit the right spots was to hold it there with my hands.

I used this toy several times and was unable to bring myself to orgasm with it. Perhaps the biggest flaw is that, while the vibrations are powerful it only comes with one setting.

Still, the toy isn’t totally without its charms. I love its butterfly shape and the pretty purple color. And, like I said, the vibrations do feel good. While it didn’t push me over the edge into bliss, I like the duel pleasure points of the tail and face.

What it boils down to is that I just didn't select the right toy. Pleasure Me Now has a whole selection of remote control vibrators.

I like that the detailed product specifications on the individual toy pages tell you things like how loud the toy (1 to 10) is and how strong the vibrations are (1 to 10). For example, the butterfly vibe I have has a rating of 5 on the loudness scale and 3 on the strength scale. Now that I have a context for those numbers, I know that, for public remote control play, I want a product with a lower loudness rating.

So, as a novelty toy, the butterfly vibe I have is just the ticket. It's cute and fun for foreplay. But if you are looking for something to wear in public with your lover, like I was, it's not the right toy.

Things I wish I had thought of...

2007-07-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm so jealous. Over at a sexy marriage, they have come up with the most fun, sexy word game.

They are coming up with a list of different words or phrases for sexual activities. The first word is intercourse. I added the word nookie, which is so much fun. As in, "I'm getting me some nookie tonight!"

Click on the link and add your knowledge to the mix. Do it for fun. Do it for posterity. That's right I said do it. (giggle, giggle.)

In coming weeks they will be collecting words for fellatio, cunnilingus, body parts and orgasm.

Waiting for it Wednesday No. 17

2007-07-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

This week we'll hear from Tawny, a 23-year-old woman. She first had sex at 18 years old.

DFP: Tell us about your first time having sex, including how old you were at the time. Was it with someone you were in a committed relationship with? Was it a good experience?

I was 17 the first time I had sex. I was raised Roman Catholic and was pretty active in my church, and wanted to wait for marriage. I'd been dating a non-virgin for about 2 and a half years, and we'd done basically "everything but" and he really wanted us to have sex. I thought about it a lot, and was worried that I'd go to university and change and end up losing it to someone I didn't know or care about, so I decided to sleep with him. It was a really great experience, it didn't hurt at all and I didn't bleed... it was just very nice and pleasurable.

DFP: Any regrets?

I don't have any regrets about my first time.

DFP: Any other relevant information you would like to add?

I contacted you because I haven't seen anyone with a similar story to mine posted yet, but that isn't really plain from the general questions and answers. A few months after we had sex, the boyfriend and I broke up (I knew that we didn't have long term potential, and we were leaving to different universities, and on top of this, he ended up sleeping with another girl while we were still together). Despite the fact that I was no longer a virgin, I still firmly intended to not have sex with anyone unless I cared deeply about them/was in love with them. I "hooked up" with other guys during my first year at college but kept this promise to myself.

Then one night I was with a friend in his dorm room and we started kissing. Things progressed, and he asked if he should get a condom. I told him no, that I didn't want to have sex, and he basically ended up pressuring me/guilting me into having sex with him. I did, and felt really horrible afterwards. I decided that if I'd had sex with this person I didn't care about, it didn't matter anymore if I waited at all.

I had pretty low self esteem, had been depressed as a teenager and was still not quite over it, and had been sexually abused as a child by a relative. When I knew someone wanted to sleep with me, I felt pretty, and I started to use sex as a way to validate myself, feeling that this was my worth sort of thing. I became really promiscuous, having sex with guys I met at the bar and never saw or talked to again, all the while still feeling pretty crap about myself.

Finally I got a good kick of catholic guilt, at the same time I started to become a little more confident and care about myself more. Even though part of me knew I was using sex as a form of validation, I made myself believe I was doing it because it was fun and I was young and enjoying myself. I realized that this wasn't the case at all and what I was doing was really
unhealthy. I took more pride in myself and my body and I was celibate for almost 2 years. When I did start having sex again, it was for much better reasons... it really was because it was something I enjoyed and it was much healthier.

I'm currently in a very committed relationship with an amazing man and we have an incredible sex life, and I'm in a place now that I know he loves me for who I am and is not just interested in me because of what I can give him sexually. I love myself and am happy and know I'm a worthwhile person.

DFP: Do you have any advice for someone that has not had sex yet?

Just really make sure that the decision you're making is a healthy one - make sure you know you are ready and that you aren't doing it because you feel like you should or because you think someone expects it of you or because it will make you feel better about yourself or who you are.

Make sure you love the person you are and are comfortable with sexuality. I would be hypocritical if I said to only have sex with people you love, but know that sex with an emotional connection is so much more intense and amazing than sex with a person you don't know or don't know that well - this I know from experience!

***
Well, I guess that's really what I wanted to get across!! I just felt so unhealthy and so unhappy and I really want that to be a warning to girls who may feel the same way about themselves as I did, or may be doing the same thing I was doing, and also let them know things can get better and they can feel positive about themselves, their sexuality and their sex lives!

Here is the schedule for the upcoming Waiting for it Wednesdays:

July 25: j, a 35-year-old frustrated virgin.

August 1: phedre, a 34-year-old mother of a 12-year-old boy that has stayed celibate for long stretches of time, up to 8 years.

These people have interview questions from me:

a 19-year-old virgin planning to have sex with her current boyfriend - "eventually"

a 19-year-old woman who first had sex willingly at 16 but was raped at 13.

LiveJournal suspends hundreds of blogs

2007-07-17T04:06:00.000-07:00

It's old news by now, but it's still something I thought was important enough to point out. LiveJournal, a free blogging or journaling site, went through some rough waters for both bloggers and LiveJournal staff in the last month or so.

I just discovered an article published May 31, 2007, in Wired. Apparently, LiveJournal suspended about 500 sex-themed blogs "for violating its policy barring the posting of content about rape, pedophilia and sexual violence," according to the Wired article.

The accounts were suspended after complaints about specific journals. The problem was, according to the article, that many of the suspended journals were discussing things such as rape, child rape or incest, without promoting them.

The catch was in the user profile. Some LiveJournal bloggers listed such things in the interests category. According to the Wired article, "any reasonable person browsing those profiles would see why such action was taken. However, some of those suspended sites are legit blogs created by users who discuss those tough topics."

Imagine if you had a suspended LiveJournal account where you discussed how you were working through issues caused by rape. Or, you were a crusader against child abuse that had your account suspended. Pissed off just a little? Yes they were, and rightfully so.

Since then, LiveJournal worked to individually evaluate accounts based on the journal as a whole, rather than just the profile. Although I could not find a reference to a number, some suspended accounts were reinstated.

"We are trying hard to keep LJ a community where free speech and the protection of children and victims and others can coexist," said LiveJournal's Barak Berkowitz.

On the one hand, I have no problem with LiveJournal's effort to suspend user accounts that actually promote disgusting stuff like rape or child molestation. If I came across a site that was obviously on the dark side of those things, I'd probably report it.

Still, as a sexblogger, this did scare me. Could my blog be suspended or, worse, deleted, due to the graphic nature of what I write about?

I did a little research. According to Blogger's content policy, I shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Oddly enough, "adult content" is listed under the heading of "Hate content". Other than the weirdness of that, Blogger's policy soothes my fears rather than upsets me. Here it is, with italicized emphasis provided:

Hate Content. Hate speech and other objectionable content may be flagged for review by our users. When this happens, Blogger reserves the right to warn others of the potentially offensive content through the use of a warning page. Other content, such as adult material, may be depublicized so that it does not appear in frequently-trafficked places such as the homepage of Blogger.com.

Just because a given blog has received votes through this mechanism does not mean that any particular action will be taken. For example, blogs that are flagged because readers disagree with the political opinions expressed in a blog will not be acted upon.

But can one puritan person flag my blog as objectionable and cause my account to be suspended? Not so, according to blogger help on the topic of flag objectionable content.

When a person visiting a blog clicks the "Flag?" button in the Blogger Navbar, it means they believe the content of the blog may be potentially offensive or illegal. We track the number of times a blog has been flagged as objectionable and use this information to determine what action is needed.

So, what happens when a blog is "flagged"?

The "Flag?" button is a means by which readers of Blog*Spot can help inform us about potentially questionable content, so we can prevent others from encountering such material by setting particular blogs as "unlisted." This means the blog won't be promoted on Blogger.com but will still be available on the web — we prefer to keep in mind that one person's vulgarity is another's poetry. Or something like that.

For more serious cases, such as spam blogs or sites engaging in illegal activity, we will continue to enforce our existing policies (removing content and deleting accounts when necessary).

So far, that all seems reasonable. But is Blogger really as concerned with preserving self-expression and freedom of speech as they say they are?

I wish I had saved the URL, but I did once come across a blogger whose sex-themed blog had been flagged as objectionable. According to a comment, she had been locked out of her blog and was trying to work with Blogger to get it fixed. I have no idea if she had written about things like pedophilia or rape and I don't know if she ever got control of her blog back.

Reading blogger's policies for myself has assuaged my fears somewhat. Previously, I'd heard from other bloggers that Blogger was against sex-related content. That left me with the feeling that if the wrong person were to wander across my site I might find myself locked out someday. That doesn't appear to be the truth.

However, I still recognize that my topic choices aren't necessarily mainstream. For someone that blogs about their children, gardening, politics or puppy dogs, my blog may, or may not, come as a shock.

I also feel a little trepidation even publishing this post. Taken in context, my use of the words like rape, incest and pedophilia, are completely understandable. These practices sadden and sicken me in a way I can't completely describe.

Out of context, however, I might just look like someone that writes about sick topics. Take, for example, the search terms people use to find me. Sometimes my stomach turns to read the words people have typed in and therefore stumbled across my blog. Writing this entry might even cause more of that confusion.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. What do you think of LiveJournal's snafu? What about freedom of speech versus protecting innocent victims? Do you ever worry that your blog could be targeted because you write about sex?

Additional sources: June 1, 2007, LiveJournal post from Barak Berkowitz, June 8, 2007, LiveJournal post from Barak Berkowitz and LiveJournal Business Discussion's Journal.

The dangers of masturbation

2007-07-16T17:24:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from a nap. A nap I did not need or want to take.

Sure naps are nice. I love naps. But I wasn't even tired. I had a day off today and slept in this morning, meaning I planned to get all manner of projects done this afternoon.

Instead, I masturbated. As I've mentioned before, it seems intense horniness hits most often in the afternoon. Husband wasn't due home from work until this evening and I knew a solo romp in the sheets wouldn't rule out fucking this evening.

So I grabbed a few of my favorite toys and headed to my haven - the bedroom. It wasn't long before I was laying there, sans pants, enjoying the good vibrations.

I brought myself up out of my delicious haze enough to feel - really feel - what was happening to me. My lower back was alive with pleasure. The sensations were amazing in my arms and legs. My fingers were enjoying the tactile feel of my soft, wet folds.

It felt so good I probably could have cum in record time. But what would be the fun in that? I teased myself, stretching the bliss out until I just couldn't hold back any longer.

I only orgasmed once, but it was a perfectly elegant orgasm. When I masturbate, one seems to be all I need.

The next thing I need is to lay there and revel in the bliss. With joy still coursing through my veins like a drug, I didn't care that'd promised myself I would not fall asleep this time. All my sluggish brain wanted was to close my eyes and rest.

Three hours later, I finally dragged myself out of bed. The house is a mess, the garden still needs weeding, I need to shave all my girly bits and I have no idea what I'm going to make for supper. Husband is due home any minute.

Oh, fuck it. An afternoon of masturbating followed by a nap: that's a combination that's hard to beat!

Popcorn popping in my panties

2007-07-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered about the muscle spasms that I get after I orgasm. Is that really what they are, muscle spasms? Do other women get them like I do? Do stronger muscle spasms, or twitches, as I call them, correlate with stronger orgasms?

I recently did a half-hearted search on the Internet on the female orgasm and came up empty handed. None of the handful or so of sites I read included any details about the twitch.

Here's what happens to me. After an orgasm, I'm laying there recuperating and I feel these twitches in my pussy. It ranges from very light to so powerful it's like popcorn popping in my panties.

The twitch can be like a little electrical signal, shooting down my legs in a split second. Sometimes it goes to my knees and other times it reaches all the way to my feet. There doesn't seem to be any particular pattern - the twitch may hightail it down my legs in tandem, or alternate from left to right leg.

I can't really tell if a stronger twitch comes along with a stronger orgasm or not. It's not really consistent.

For one thing, I typically notice the twitching more after I masturbate - not after having sex with husband. My theory is that when I am alone I spend more time just laying there doing nothing and thinking of nothing but the feelings in my mona. Plus, I typically only have one orgasm before I call it a day.

When I have sex with husband, on the other hand, I have so many orgasms that the twitch may have shown up earlier but the light sensation was masked by other things going on. By the time we stop having sex the twitch has nearly twitched itself to sleep. I still feel it, but it's not as strong and doesn't last as long. And I definitely have some of my strongest orgasms when having sex with husband.

The twitch is a nice sensation. Let's face it, everything feels good after an orgasm. Still, it's not exactly like pleasure. It's just something that happens after I cum.

Anybody feel like shedding some light on the twitch? Ladies, do you get twitches like I do or do you experience something different?

Sex toy extravaganza

2007-07-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

I've been having some pretty strange dreams lately. I also haven't been sleeping as well, and when I don't sleep soundly I tend to have more dreams. Or, maybe it's just that I remember my dreams better when I'm sleeping lightly.

I've never taken much stock into the meaning of dreams. As far as I am concerned, dreams are just the stuff you have floating around in your brain, all mixed up in a blender. Your dreams might involve things you have on your mind or stuff you are doing recently, but I just can't see that there is any deep meaning in it. But that's just my personal opinion.

Sex toys are definitely a topic I've had on my mind a lot lately. In fact, just recently, I was asked to start doing sex toy reviews for second sex toy company, called Pleasure Me now. I now have the "My First Butterfly Remote Vibrator" and will be writing a review soon.

You've probably noticed ads for both Pleasure Me Now and EdenFantasys on my sidebar. If you want to support me in a small way, click on the ads and check out what they have to offer!

Moving along back to my story. :-)

That's why it wasn't that big of a surprise when I had a dream about getting more sex toys to review. In my dream hard husband met a woman that lives in the same town as we do and learned that she sold sex toys. Although in real life we both keep my identity as Dirty Filthy Princess a secret, in my dream husband told her all about my secret life. So, she told him she would bring over some products for me to test.

Boy did she ever. When I went to look the items over, the pile kept growing in size. Every time I looked at one thing, more things appeared.

And remember how my sister and I had a conversation about how many different kinds of vibrators there are? Well, in my dream there were some pretty creative products.

One thing that sticks in my mind is a full-sized vacuum cleaner vibrator that had all different kinds of attachments. Even stranger was the sex toy that had one end shaped like a hamster and the rest was shaped like typical vibrator. The whole things was covered with some kind of AstroTurf type fur and came with a coordinating tube of banana-flavored lube. (A flavor I abhor.) I also recall a bucket and a mop, along with appropriately named cleaning products, for clean up after a particularly fun session.

This is exactly why I don't believe that dreams have any real deep meanings. I have a few mild kinks, but vacuum cleaners and hamsters are not among them.

OK, maybe the vacuum cleaner isn't such a horrifying idea, comparatively. But a hamster? Shudder. I'm ashamed that was in my brain.

Snapshot Saturday No. 3

2007-07-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

This pretty little creek is in a state park not far from our house. Hard husband and I had a very nice time exploring the park a while ago.

There's all kinds of cool things right in your own area, but sometimes life gets so busy we forget to check them out. I'm glad husband took me to this park, although it was hot as HELL that day.

The 'potential to have a great sex life'

2007-07-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

I recently received a reader question from Elizabeth Penmark. Here's what she said:

I discovered your blog fairly recently, and I enjoy it. I find myself feeling so very inferior, though! I love sex. I crave it all the time. My boyfriend is long distance, though, so we only get together about twice a month for a weekend.

Do you offer advice? :) I love my guy dearly. I find him very sexy, and just a look from him turns me on. But I'm finding that I'm not really reaching orgasm too often with him. He has some insecurity issues, and I don't know how to broach the subject. I feel like we have the potential to have a great sex life, but I don't know how to get there. We are both very willing to experiment with each other and try new things.

One time I told him specifically what to do with his tongue to bring me to climax, but he couldn't because he got tired too quickly. :( Oh, that was frustrating.

Any ideas?

Hello Elizabeth,

First off I’ll say that, yes, I do occasionally answer reader questions. I’m glad to do it and hopefully my answer will be helpful.

Also, please don’t feel inferior! Husband and I have been honing our skills in bed for more than four years. The reason I write this blog is not to make people feel inferior, it is to pass on the message that if we can do it, anyone can! However, it does take effort – it’s not something that just comes naturally.

I cannot stress enough that you must, must say something about this to your boyfriend. He needs to understand that you need more attention and stimulation to fulfill that potential for a great sex life that you talked about.

The reality is that a lot of women, me included, need more than just intercourse to cum. The reason I have multiple orgasms as a rule is that husband spends more time stimulating me with this fingers in several different positions than we typically spend fucking. He also gives me oral sex, but not every time like he uses his fingers every time. So, by the time we move on to penetration, I have had several or many orgasms and am so primed to orgasm I can do it much more easily and quickly.

From what it sounds like, this is going to require more effort on your boyfriend’s part. However, the good news for him is that when you are getting what you need and crave, he’ll get paid back in full! I call this releasing the superwhore in your wife or girlfriend.

The first thing you need to do is communicate with your boyfriend. That doesn’t mean you necessarily have to sit him down and have a serious talk – that might put him on the defense.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving your man directions in bed. After all, he's not inside your body - he can't know what will make you feel good until you tell him. On the other hand, I understand that it is a very difficult subject to approach, you don't want to hurt his feelings.

Try giving him some directions in a kind and sexy way while you are fooling around. Maybe say something like, “Oh, babe, I love it when you …”. Or, kiss him passionately and look him in the eyes mischievously and ask him if he would do something specific for you. It may help if you nibble on his earlobes or tweak his nipples while you ask.

Also, when he does hit the right spot, give him encouragement! Step up the moaning, clutch his arm, use body language, whatever you have to do. If you ask him to do something a little softer or slower, if he does it, tell him, “Oh, yeah, baby, just like that!”

Honesty is key. Resist the urge to over-exaggerate your praise too much in an effort to stroke his ego - if he's going to learn what does it for you, you are going to have to be honest with him.

Another way to communicate with him is to masturbate in front of him. He’s going to learn a lot from watching you. Or introduce a vibrator into bed. Sometimes women are afraid this will be insulting to a man, but if you play it off in a sexy way, like you have a fun surprise for him, it doesn’t have to be. A lot of guys are every excited when their women introduce sex toys.

Since you guys are long distance, have you ever used the time to have phone sex or IM sex? This is a great time to practice talking to him about sex. It’s also a good time to highlight the fact that you need lots of time and attention to have an orgasm.

I’m not sure what to think about your story about your boyfriend not finishing oral sex because he was too tired. I don’t doubt it can get tiresome or even painful to sit in one spot for a long time – I sometimes face that when I give husband a blowjob. However, I change positions often to alleviate that. Perhaps he could give you oral, switch to finger stimulation or with a vibrator and then switch back to oral.

You also said your boyfriend has some insecurity issues. Have you ever faked an orgasm to stroke his ego/because you weren’t sure how to talk to him about it? If so here's my short answer:

DON’T

For a longer answer, read a post I wrote in answer to another reader question on faking orgasms.

Well, as usual, my answer has grown into a mammoth post. I hope that something I have said will be helpful. Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

Race to the finishline

2007-07-12T20:24:00.000-07:00

Editor's note: If you would like to read this story from the beginning, start here with part I and read part II next.

I feel sticky sweaty and weak in the knees. My face is hot. But I'm not ready to stop. Not yet.

I ask for a cliffhanger. With my head hanging back over the edge of the bed it's the perfect position for an unrivaled face fucking. You tickle my clit with your magic fingers.

It feels like I've barely laid down and I'm already out of control, screaming and cumming. I jump back up again, ready to be fucked.

No, I take that back. I'm not ready to be fucked. I'm ripe for the fucking. I ache to be fucked.

"How do you want me?" I ask.

"On your hands and knees," you say.

I crawl forward on the mattress and position my legs far apart. I feel you moving in behind me, parting my legs even further. Your hard cockhead nuzzles and my pussy parts to let you inside.

You're moving in and out of me, slowly, slowly. I'm impatient. I move my hips, trying to gain momentum.

"You don't move," you bark at me.

I stop. I'm smiling to myself. I've been told.

At your own pace you increase the tempo. You're slamming into me, an extra hard thrust at the end that makes us both grunt. Our skin starts slapping together, our breathing gets harder. My face is burning up and dripping sweat.

Everything else was about going slow and taking our time. This is a mad dash to the end.

I cum. I barely catch my breath and I'm cumming again.

You are still fucking me as hard as you can. I can't see your face or hear you but I know you must be getting close.

Then I hear it. The teeth-clenched groaning sound of your release. The sound and feel of you cumming inside me pushes me over the edge again and I add my sounds of pleasure to yours.

We collapse together on the bed to recover. For this moment, I don't need anything else but to lay here, wet and panting, with you.

Happy third anniversary baby. (It was yesterday.) Every year just gets better and better. I love you!